Cats and dogs

[Bazzak]

I told my wife I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.

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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche....

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Angela Merkel has advised Germans to stock up on cheese and sausages as COVID infections rise exponentially across the country - the government is putting the Wurst Kaese scenario into action.

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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said 'white' they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those J Hovis Witnesses.

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Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near.....

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast . He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra." "My daughter Gráinne, you take the apartments over in Malone Road." "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre." "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They’d no idea the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..

"Property?”, his wife replies. “The bloody eejit had a window cleaning round." 😊

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I've quit my job at the cat shelter today.....

I had no choice they reduced meowers.......