Cats and dogs : I told my wife I had... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Cats and dogs

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits

I told my wife I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.

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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche....

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Angela Merkel has advised Germans to stock up on cheese and sausages as COVID infections rise exponentially across the country - the government is putting the Wurst Kaese scenario into action.

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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said 'white' they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those J Hovis Witnesses.

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Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near.....

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast . He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra." "My daughter Gráinne, you take the apartments over in Malone Road." "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre." "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They’d no idea the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..

"Property?”, his wife replies. “The bloody eejit had a window cleaning round." 😊

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I've quit my job at the cat shelter today.....

I had no choice they reduced meowers.......

96 Replies
oldestnewest

Very good! Love the Egyptian one and how you spelt 'eejit' for a good Irish pronunciation. I know I will regret telling you this, but I am half Irish. I am waiting for the comeback......😄🌸

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Darling, I had one granny that was Irish, the other was Scottish. And one grandad that was half German and the other was called Newman so could have come from anywhere!! 😊😘

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Always thought you were a bit of a (delightful) mixture of some sort! Kind of like Dolly Mixtures! 😁🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Marnie what is wrong with you you've been nice to Pilker Boy😳🤨

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

I don't indulge in Dolly Mixtures because they contain gelatine. You know better than to take my retorts at face value, Pilker Boy! 😆🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

😁😁😁🐰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Maria, she loves the Pilker 😊😊😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Oh I didn't know there was another one😁😘

LOL😁😁😁😁😁😁😺😺

😁😁

Activity2004
Activity2004Moderator

My favorite one is the cat shelter!😹

Mine too Leah 🤣🤣😂😊

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

Hope you are well Charlie 😘xx

Activity2004
Activity2004Moderator in reply to Narwhal10

Really made me smile when I saw it. :-)

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Activity2004

Hope you are well to Leah xx

Activity2004
Activity2004Moderator in reply to Bazzak

Feeling a lot better than I was this morning. Thanks, Barry! Had a bad headache from being up too many times in the night with my alarms going off. How's things going for you? 😀👍🌈

Ghounds
GhoundsReading Rabbits

😂

Major groans as usual! Actually thought it was a cat that had been pulled out of a hoover! Like the local jokes from my part of the world! Seriously I wondered what had happened to my window cleaner?😿👏👷

You've caused trouble now my mam said she is going to tell spoiled pixie that the electric socket taistes like tuna 🙀so if there is a strange looking picture of pixie on in morning your to Blaime lol 🤯

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Curly1_

Sorry Curly, 😊 I have a cartoon picture that reminds me of Pixie, I may put it up later 😊😚x

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

I thought you'd started a cat grooming business and it was one of your clients😊😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

I have started a cat grooming business, when do you want to book yourself in ! 😊😊 (joke) 😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

I'd have been more offended if you'd started a dog grooming business 😁😘

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

He's looking for fur to knit into those socks! 😁🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

😁🐰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

Trouble is, I think I'm allergic to cat fur, my doctor gave me some cream and I am feline a lot better. 😊( I just made that up girls) 😁xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Yeah and it's catastrophic😁😁😁

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Very good 🤣🤣😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Obviously I've got a good teacher😁🐰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Do you mean me ??😊😊😊😚 x

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

What??? Marnie of course😊😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes but you can't play kiss chase with Marnie !!😊. Well I don't think so 🤔🤔xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Naughty!😘

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

I will slap you if I have to 😵

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

Please do 😁

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to MadBunny

I am kidding I would never do that 😊😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

😁🐰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

I know you wouldn't Hiba, you are the rose among these thorns. !!!⚘⚘

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

😊

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

Hiba, George Eliot was born on your birthday a very famouse lady novelist. !! 🙂xx

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Ooh 😊

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to Bazzak

Haven't you heard of Equal Opportunities? 😆🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Exactly😊🐰

S11m
S11m in reply to MadBunny

I would not expect you to be dogmatic!

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to S11m

😊

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

🤣😂there was a SURGE ON lols 🙃😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

Charlie, be nice 😘

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

😞 I thought we were doing doctor jokes so was using N.I.C.E. 😉🥰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

Yes

N - No

H - harrising

S - Sir Barrington

!!!😊

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

🙄🙄🙄

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

😁😘

Big_Dee
Big_Dee in reply to MadBunny

Hello MadBunny

I thought the photo was a little dodgy. :) My new word for this week.

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

Oh that be good lol I'm just watching my comedy not going out it's funny xx I'll be on later

🤣😂🤣😂 hilHAIRYous reduced me hours was the best. Hope all good with you the Pilker 😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

Yes all good Charlie, good to see you are keeping your nose 😊 out of the latest round of let's gave a go at Barrington 😘

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Bazzak

Hello may I join the fun please my birthday is tomorrow and I need a good laugh

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Hb2003

Happy birthday for tomorrow Hiba 💕🎂 You can always join in. Xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

Well you won't get one from Bazzak hahaha.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to MadBunny

Well my cat said that tuna tasted like fish paradise 😊

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Hb2003

Happy birthday for tomorrow 🥰🤩🥳 Hope you are doing something nice 😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

You wait...she's just working up to it😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

We prefer to call it Bazzak Baiting

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to MadBunny

I will bait some fish instead 😊

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Hb2003

No- bait Bazzak it's more fun.

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Bleedin hell girl, your like a machine gun I can't keep up!!"😚

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

You should have learned by now that when us girls get together you don't stand a chance😘🥰

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes well Marnie has gone off to quote the Guardian, so now there are only two of you!! 😘🥰

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

No there's still Hiba and Curly so 🤪 to you darling😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Hiba and Curly will be on my side soon, the Bassak charm will work! 😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

I think you've tried that one before and it didn't😁😘

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to MadBunny

Do you think the Pimlico Pilker pilfered pitiful pilchards ? 😊

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

Your going to go over my pilking knee If you carry on, my little whale !!!😊

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

😱 then I might be ichysoreass (Ichthyosaurs)🤐🤣😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

🙉🙊😳 keep it clean it's a family show. Funny though 😁x

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐😉😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Narwhal10

Just re read that and got it🤣🤣🤣I'm slow tonight.

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Narwhal10

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

I’m just a snuffling around 😉

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

It must be terrible when you get a runny nose !🤧x

Narwhal10
Narwhal10 in reply to Bazzak

Yes I’ve tried to get a refund at the ol factory 😘😂🙃🤣

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Narwhal10

😘x

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Narwhal10

🤣🤣👍🐰

Absolutely brilliant. I couldn't drink my coffee for laughing this morning. 😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂 Thank you I needed that this morning

@I I have a shady dog story for you. A Magician got a job on a cruise ship . The captain had a pet parrot that he took everywhere with him even to the shows the 1st few times the show went well and then suddenly the parrot would say watches hand the right 1 watchers hand the left 1 and he was ruining all of his tricks and then it's a look for the box under the table there's magician got terribly frustrated but it couldn't do it thing about it cause it was the captain's parrot so this went on for two weeks Until 1 night the ship hit an iceberg and was shattered the only 2 that survived and 1 raft was they parrot and the magician and they cleared angrily at each other for 2 days find the on the 3Until 1 night the ship hit and iceberg and was shattered the only 2 that survived on a raft was they parrot and the magician . They stared angrily at each other for 2 days. Finally the Parrot couldn't stand anymore and turned to the magician and said "okay I give up what did you do with the ship"

Oh,lord, I did voice to text because of the tendinitis in my fingers and I forgot to edit it sorry I come off as totally illiterate which I am not hope you get the gist That is the last joke I will tell Be well everybody and stay safe

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to nosher

🤣x

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to nosher

No worries. Please keep posting jokes😊🐰

fab.had a laugh.

🙋‍♀️hi Bazzak! Ive just read two days of brilliant jokes - from the one or two liners to the fuller, more story-lined ones. I ❤ them all. I'm so dreadful at remembering them, I hope you don't object to me sharing your witt with my best friend and my son? Have a good Sunday 🐿🌈.

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to SquirrelsHolt

Of corse not 💕

SquirrelsHolt
SquirrelsHolt in reply to Bazzak

Many 👍 thanks - I just can never, ever remember the punchline or even "tell" any joke, without killing it dead, lol😂😂😂. 🐿🌈.

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Seems you've got competition from nosher😊😘

Craftyperson
CraftypersonReading Rabbits

Ooohhh pic good though!!

😂😂 they were all good ones 😂

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