Coping with my own life and the anxie... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Coping with my own life and the anxiety brought on by my Mother

Roukaya profile image
27 Replies

I have posted on this site many times and many have been of support .

I am trying to prepare for a resit in Wills and Probate and I hope to start to apply for work experience but every time I talk to my Mother I become worried about her foot injury as she is on her own with people she can call on but I also realise that my self belief and self confidence has bent eroded by the fact my anxiety levels are increased each and every time I speak to her

One one hand I have to listen and give support being the only child , but as I am far away it saddens me that I feel more anxious in myself and the self doubt and self neglect starts again

27 Replies
Veteran250 profile image
Veteran250

Roukaya...... you live in the Uk, your mum lives abroad, what can you do in reallity..... get on with your studies, or go home to support your mum, I think your mum is trying to make you feel guilty for being here! 🤨

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Veteran250

Good morning

I hope you are well

I would like to explain that I am was born and educated in U.K. and home is not the country of my Mother.

Since my Father died I have supported my Mother but I have neglected my own life as a result of this

Also there are no planes flying to where my Mum is so I cannot go back for the time being

I have always learnt one aspect it is essential to be aware aware of the exact facts before an advice is given

Veteran250 profile image
Veteran250 in reply to Roukaya

I have responded to other posts by you Roukaya, perhaps it would have been better to explain the exact facts before seeking advice here.

No insult or upset is intended here.

Have a nice day!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Veteran250

Thank you for your reply

I must learn to realise that we all are judged at face value and sometimes judgements are made of us .

This is something I have learnt and continue to learn

Veteran250 profile image
Veteran250 in reply to Roukaya

A member of this community thinks I mistreated you when you were concerned for your mum.

If this is true, then I am most humbly sorry.🤨

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Veteran250

I think it is very important to understand the full facts of some one situation before advice is given

This is precisely one of reasons I have failed my exams in the past is due to misunderstanding the problem a client has .

in reply to Veteran250

I dont think so Don 👍

leo60 profile image
leo60

Hear hear! xx

👍👍I agree!! Xxxx

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline

I’m hoping that you can really think about your own situation R You are worrying about your mum, and that is to be expected, but she has had, and is still living her days. If she’s not isolated and desperate for her needs, put your mind on your own well-being and needs.

If she’s upsetting you, tell her, maybe you can have contact with someone other than her, who can let you know how she is doing My heart 💖 goes out to you my dear chick 🐥!!! At the end of the day, only you can be decisive and change your mindset God bless you and be brave

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Sunfloweronline

Thank you

Sunfloweronline profile image
Sunfloweronline in reply to Roukaya

😊💕🌈📿

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough

Keep focused Roukaya. I wonder if worrying and being anxious about your mother is a habit you have developed that needs breaking. You must keep yourself calm and focused on your goal or your own health will suffer. Your mum has hurt her foot which in the scale of life is quite minor. I know it's not easy but try and keep things in perspective and keep studying 💚

Ali

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

Good Afternoon

Thank you for your reply .

It seems you are exactly right that my anxiety I seem to have can be quite self destructive

This anxiety became prevalent when dealing with an elderly Father and managing his Estate

During this time my Mother became quite demanding and overwhelming and is still like this

I have always wondered at others who can make a life for themselves and the anxiety I have which is triggered by own worries plus her worries she has a habit of projecting to me

I am studying and I will try to manage my anxiety

Thank you

I wish you a good day

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough in reply to Roukaya

The other thing to think about that can cause anxiety is having all or nothing thinking. So maybe this is something else to look into and see if you recognise yourself in this. I’m not saying you have but if you recognise it in yourself then it might help with your anxiety.

psychcentral.com/blog/5-way...

Ali x

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

Thanks

It is interesting the all or nothing idea

I am just feeling quite tired

I went for a walk and visited my Gym

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough in reply to Roukaya

Oh well done. Exercise is so good isn’t it. I need to go for a walk but it’s tipping down! Need a canoe 🛶 😁

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Agoodenough

Very funny needing a canoe

You complained a while ago of spilling paint on your carpet

I spill chilli sauce on my living room carpet

Not nice

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits

Studying won't be forever . I would put all efforts into passing this as I feel some pressure will be over and you will be proud of your achievements - give you a boost and off the tick list . Once you have work it may occupy your mind a bit more . You are a caring daughter but you are allowed to put yourself first and say to your Mum I will contact you on such a day but I need to 100% focus on this exam for lots of reasons .

It isn't easy but try and target your energy into your exam which could potentially lead to a better life in terms of mental stimulation and self confidence/ feeling valued when you are chosen for employment plus ...who can turn down the extra cash .?You need a few treats too .

Take care .

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22

Hi there. Your posts often mention your battle with anxiety and I think that this may be a very important pointer to a way to change how things are for you.

I know it sounds obvious, but we often forget that in life, we cannot change other people's behaviour, we can only change our own behaviour and crucially, our reactions to what goes on.

I think that learning how to change the way we deal with our feelings is the key.

It is possible to learn how to become a less anxious person. Anxiety is very disabling and it can really get in the way of us living our lives.

I think that you might get good results from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT.) The thing about CBT is that it teaches you how to change your patterns of thinking and how to take charge of the anxieties that sap your energy and stop you thinking clearly. It doesn't involve delving into deep questions about the past, it focuses on how to deal with life now.

Perhaps you could read up on this a bit and look into this? Google 'Get self help.' This website is full of stuff that you might find helpful. It is recommended to people by the NHS. Just checked and the address is getselfhelp.co.uk

I know someone who has just started CBT and after a very short time her self belief and confidence is changing. In fact she told me yesterday how she was so proud of herself for breaking a pattern of behaviour where someone she knew kept taking her for granted and she stopped that behaviour as a direct result of what she learned in her CBT sessions. She was so proud of herself.

I hope my post makes sense.

All the best. 🙂🌸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Marnie22

Hello

There is good reasoning in what you have today

My anxiety was as a result of dealing my Father and him being taken advantage

I did my best to protect him and save what I could but I think much mind suffers as a result of thinking all the time of worst case scenarios

Thank you but some days are better than others

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Roukaya

The 'worst case scenario' thing you mention is quite common with anxiety. It is called 'rumination.' That is something that could definitely be dealt with by CBT.

Do visit the website I mentioned if you can, I think you will find it helpful. There will be information on there about dealing with rumination.

I used to have severe problems with anxiety, but I have managed to move on and now know many techniques and strategies that work to help. I am very, very much less anxious than I used to be. I hope you will be encouraged. It is completely possible to change this and live a better quality of life, but we often need the tools and support to do it effectively.

😌🌸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Marnie22

Thank you

I appreciate your reply

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply to Roukaya

No problem. 😌🌸

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador

Hi Roukaya, sorry to hear your anxiety has flared up again. It is natural to worry about your mum. You must be kind to yourself and try to stay focused on your studies, so you stand a chance of passing. When you think of it, there will be other people, revising and studying just as you are. Some will have much stresses and anxiety going on in their personal lives and they stay focused because they know it will be a turning point for them. This will be a turning point for you and that is what you have to have in your heart and mind right now. I know it's easier said than done but if you bare in mind, if others with stress and strains of life bogging them down at times, if they can do it, well so can you, believe it. 😊🌸🌼

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to bobbybobb

I agree

Thank you for pointing this out to me

I hope you have a peaceful evening

bobbybobb profile image
bobbybobbAmbassador in reply to Roukaya

Thank you Roukaya and you also have a peaceful evening. 😊🌸

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