My partner's friend just arrived unexpectedly to take my partner to a place where they share a hobby. He knocked on the door and when I opened it and stated that I wasn't expecting him he just started entering my house, bearing down on me so that I had to go backwards and down a step (I am suffering from a slipped disc and am not very flexible). He didn't allow me any space to move away and yet he knows we are both shielding. It wasn't a scheduled visit as he was just calling to pick my partner up. Now I'm going to have to work out a way of not letting that behaviour happen again. We are all in our seventies!
No social distancing in my house - Positive Wellbein...
Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation
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No social distancing in my house
Written by
MaggieSylvie
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Good Afternoon
I hope you are well
As you are both shielding you are under pressure to be careful and you will have to tell your Partner that his friend is putting you as well as him at risk.
You will have to tell your Partner of the health implications given both of your ages
Also will your Partner be wearing a mask and have hand sanitizer with him when he goes out with his friend.
As when he returns home he will need to be careful with you as he has been out
Also his friend should be told that he just cannot knock
He should call before he comes so you are ready
I cared for an elderly Father until he was placed in a Nursing Home and it was very difficult to make him see sense
Thanks, Roukaya, I am not too bad today - just back pain.
We are shielding, not just because of our age but because we have the underlying health conditions that mean we have to, but he didn't register with the government and didn't receive a letter. His friend doesn't have a health condition that causes him to shield.
My partner knew his friend was coming but didn't tell me, and was upstairs when the knock on the door came (we have a doorbell). By the time I had got out of my chair, he was peering in the windows.
I asked the friend where he went when he was out and about and he said only local preserved railways and Morrisons and Tesco. So not meeting with lots of people, but if he can't keep his distance when visiting, my thoughts are that he isn't doing so in the shops either. I don't know what it is like inside the local shops at the moment. I understood he was to visit tomorrow, not today, so perhaps he won't come tomorrow after all.
I have explained all about shielding to my partner but he doesn't seem able to take it in even after shielding for so long. He wore a mask to visit the surgery yesterday but because we don't go out apart from that we are not in the habit of masking up or carrying hand sanitiser. He wouldn't use it unless forced to, i.e. in a hospital. When I have explained what it might be like if I were to get the virus and that I might die, he just shrugged his shoulders and said "Oh well". I have virtually no family and am feeling very isolated.
As I said it was always very difficult to explain logic and sense to my Father
I think you should ask your Partner to wear a mask when he is out with his friend and wash his hands with handsanitiser when he gets home
I had to care vigilantly for my Father unti he was sectioned and forced to be under 24 Nursing Care
I know to well just how difficult your Partner can be
Dear Roukaya, Thank you for your understanding. I can indeed ask, and handwashing is better than sanitiser but my request may fall literally on deaf ears. You are noticing the similarities between your father and my partner. A blood test has just been done but he thinks it is just routine tests for diabetes and prostrate cancer.
Shielding is becoming more and more difficult. I am supposed to be meeting up imminently with an old pupil and his mum (she used to be a GP) but as they are both travelling from some distance, the weather to sit outside cannot be guaranteed, so even medical people don't seem to do more than pay lip service to the matter. That little word "No" is going to have to come into my vocabulary a lot more frequently, I feel. Or even "Hey wait! Keep your distance!"
Dear Maggie.
The answer is simple.... you tell your husbands friend he doesn’t come into your house, and if he is taking your husband out, he wears a mask.... you are both shielding, so he must respect your wishes, if he doesn’t, he is not a true friend..... No mask, send him away!
Take care and stay safe!
😀🌹🌈👍
That's what I should do. They do keep a social distance when they meet up either in the garden or the conservatory but a true friend doesn't ask you how you are and then dismiss your pain and just talk about himself. A true friend would know we don't go out and offer to shop for us. We did ask him to get us some bread making flour but he obviously didn't find any (he went to Tesco) but brought us plain flour instead, which isn't much use. Apparently he goes to Morrisons, where that flour is available. He just wants to come here and drink our tea and eat our biscuits. Thank you for your support; I really appreciate it.
Your partner, and his friend both should be more considerate. We are talking about a virus that has killed over 138,000 people in the U.S. and over 500,000 worldwide.
Thank you for your kind reply, Jerry. Imo, he wasn't just inconsiderate; he was downright rude. He has delivered my partner home now, waited outside and has taken his unwanted tools away! That's a start; my house shouldn't be used as a tool receptor. Our doors are PVC so I don't think I can fit a chain. Perhaps I'll have a broom handle or something to point out social distancing!
My door is pvc and I have a chain which is very handy. If nothing else it serves to remind my hubby not to throw open the door and invite everyone in.
Thank you for that ellj, I will look into it.
That broom handle can have a dual purpose LOL
Absolutely!
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I can't even imagine how distressing that was for you. I totally understand your anger and frustration. What an awful thing for him to do! I wish you well as you work with your husband to come up with a strategy to prevent this from happening again.
Thanks for emphasising with me, CCPM. I've told my partner how his friend behaved but I am made to feel that I am complaining necessarily. Friend is visiting again on Tuesday and I will just keep away. They both seem more concerned about the fact that the door bell wasn't working this morning (I have now fixed that). Friend's wife works in a care home for the elderly, so there must be some precautions being taken. Or am I being naive?
I think you are being appropriately cautious. And, yes, I think there must be precautions at the care home. Not sure why some people aren't concerned with the risks and why they can't respect other people's preferences for how to handle things during this chaotic time. It's very upsetting indeed.
He sounds quite rude. Can you not put the door chain on?
If I had a door chain, that might be possible, but prior to lockdown, it wasn't a problem. The fault lies mainly with my partner in not telling me when we are expecting a visitor.
in reply to MaggieSylvie
You can't get a door chain now?
I am not going out to buy anything, and the door is PVC. I can always just open the door a crack, or I could open a window before I open the door!
Hi MaggieSylvie, Dear me, that does need addressing. Some people, whether from forgetting for a moment, being over-eager, thoughtless or downright couldn't-care-less-ishness, need stern reminders. I'd tell the miscreant in a firm but pleasant way that it's not to be done, and I might also put a discreet note on the door saying that you are shielding and distance is vital.
Ooooh Callendersgal! I can't wait, and that sign on the door (or in the window perhaps) is something that fleetingly went through my locked down brain, and that I had then forgotten. Something like "Inhabitants shielding. Kindly observe social distancing"!
Yes, I think that would be totally acceptable MaggieSylvie, It's polite but to the point!🙏
Someone came to my door and I was setting in front of the computer that faces the porch. Had he looked to the side he would have seen me. I didn't care as I had no intention on answering the door. Your partner is putting you at risk and I sense it is disturbing to you.
An agreement needs to be made between you since you feel differently about shielding. My daughter was in my bubble and had a bunch of company last week. I will not see her again until she has shielded for two weeks. I am sorry you are in a difficult position with no easy answers.
Hi Analeese, thank you for your concern. Hopefully shielding will soon be over, and today I read the article that says if we are in generally good health, blood cancer will not stop us from surviving the virus, although old age makes us a bit more vulnerable. My partner doesn't seem to have good access to his brain these days.
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