Loneliness is quite a terrible thing
I have realised how lonely I am
By putting and safeguarding the interests of my Father from the age of 41 until 48 I realise I am totally on my own
My Mother who lives far away needs a Personal Assistant and I have realised because I am unmarried and unemployed it is expected of me to serve her interests and priorities
Unless I have the courage and determination to make an independent life for myself, I shall remain in the same comfort zone
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Maybe both!
Start with self care basics!
What do you like to do?
Start finding your own space and people!
Life is what you make of it
I realise this
Do you like art? Music? Animals?
What is something you positively identify with independent from your role as a caregiver?
I used to love going in day trips and having little holidays and going swimming
I realise the overseas holidays are out due to the virus
I will wait in August for the day trips and may be visit Mum for a Bus Mans Holiday when her country allows tourists in
Yes! This conversation here will open the door to nice and genuine connections with people from all over who feel the same!
I was a caregiver in my last relationship and you lose yourself. Healthunlocked helps! Hello from America btw!
Hello
How are you
Who do you care for ?
My boyfriend. He broke his neck. Car accident. He is a C6 quadrapalegic.
He had a tracheotomy and Gtube and picc line. Wound care, range of motion. He was permanently wheelchair bound.
I was 26 years old. So now....
I am finding myself.
How long did you care for your boyfriend
Is he in recovery?
I wonder how old you are because I am fifty scared my life is passing me by ?
How are you finding yourself ?
7 years...
I have moved on...we were friends for a while post split but that was tricky. His health isn't the best (poor) as he is making poor decisions. He lives with a nurse girlfriend now...but they drink a lot.
I have been very empowered by working out! I like it!
How have you managed to move on
I had no other option as I was starting to get snippy and angry and resentful of the caregiving. More by default. I was done being the ONLY help.
He needed to take control and accountability of himself. It's a big burden to keep someone alive essentially. I needed help.
I think this is very true
How did you move on
I am trying to do a Post Graduate Course and I should try to find a years experience
I think this is true , we can only be responsible for our own lives and the choices we make
What interests have made to move on from care giving
I really enjoy music and focus on working out! I was a manager pre-covid so that was a big focus!
Getting other support is essential!
Sometimes you have to put yourself first. There are welfare groups out there that may be able assist your mother. It would probably be good for you to have some "Me time", in my area there are groups who meet up to help with loneliness , a cup of tea and a chat. Best wishes.
I will try
Thank you
Don't say you will try, you have to make your mind up to do it. We can't do it for you.
I would like to explain not that I should explain myself that I will start to take steps
I do not expect anyone to do anything for me as I have always been an independent person
Somedays " trying" is all you have....
Better than not trying at all!
Thank you for your support
Some of us have low self confidence and anxiety that sometimes does not allow us to do as much as we like
I have battled anxiety and severe depression all my life due to abuse and violence. I was suicidal aged seven. If I hadn't helped myself I wouldn't be here now. I'm still coping with about ten medical conditions of varying severity including incurable cancer. I have no family to help and have been shielding alone since March. Life is what you make it, it's too easy to make excuses why you can't do things.
I can truly sympathise. It is hard to find a place for ourselves in the world sometimes. Take care. You are stronger than you think.
Karen x
Can you not join a group ? There are pottery, art, quilting courses where you will meet up with other people and learn a new skill. . What about a group such as Womens Institute? They meet once a month but usually have sub groups. My WI has a walking group, book group, craft group. It's a way of meeting other people and making friends. Go on line to find one near to where you live. It's taking that first step which is hard. You are the one who has to take it as they won't come to You Roukaya.
Thank you
I know all too well nothing will come to
Me
Life requires effort
You are right there Roukaya. Many people have posted back to you with their support and many suggestions how you could overcome your loneliness.
When I lost my husband I was devastated and felt the world had ended. I also have a number of health problems but knew it was up to me to adapt to what would be a new kind of life without the man I loved.
I felt very nervous and lacked confidence but made a huge effort and joined my local WI which helped right away! They were so friendly and was the best thing zI could have done. Lots of things led from there, a walking group with fun lunches, the are trips and short weekend holidays to look forward to. I joined a number of other groups as I liked art and crafts. I also joined a flower arranging class and found I was good at it. From that I gained more confidence which resulted in being invited to coffee morning's. One thing led to another and soon I was enjoying looking forward to meeting up with new groups of friends.
We all have difficulties in our lives Roukaya but life will go on without you if you do not embrace it and take that first step to having and enjoying a new, fulfilling life.
I can honestly say the members on the forum will be delighted to hear you have taken that first step. Make our day bright and do it. We desperately want you to be happy. You are still young my dear and missing out on so much.
Xxx
Hi Roukaya, after your exams, why don't you just consider joining a short course. To get out and meet new people. I remember you did some flower arrangement that was very nice, you put a post up. Why not do a short course in this of like minded people with a common passion. What have you got to loose. Also new things are great distractions and stress reliever's, so worth a consideration. 😊🌸
Thank you
I think the loneliness and isolation are beginning to take its toll
I used to go on day trips and go on short holidays as well as the Gym
Once these come back into place I can divert myself from the loneliness and the demands of my Mother
I should also be applying for a years work experience
I went to welsh at the local university which I enjoyed and got some new friends out of it!
That's really good catgirl1976, unless you go out of your comfort zone sometimes you may miss great opportunities you didn't know even existed. By doing more, you create more. 😊🌺
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My isolation
Hi. I can't write a proper post right now as I have to go off to an appointment, but you have recognised your situation and that's the first step. I think you will find the strength to change things. Have faith in yourself. You are stronger than you realise. Will write again later. Take care. 🌸🙂
Thank you
Good luck with your appointment
Hope your appointment went well