RIP, my Chloe girl... January 2007 - April 2020

[TheDrivenSnow]

So - the deed is done.

Our sweet Chloe girl has found eternal sleep.

A good innings, some would say.

I beg to differ;

I am greedy for time.

But the time had come.

Losing her sight years before losing her human, whom she lost last week,

with that loss came a loss of appetite

for food, for life,

a loss of lung capacity and cardiac function,

and all those things that people tell you life needs

to survive,

to throb,

a loss of her own purpose.

That's a lot of loss.

And a lot of grief.

The time had come.

My darling girl, I pledged a lifetime.

I sliced that pledge in two

like some knife open plump fruit bellies whose time has come.

I had no option.

I had no option.

I had no option.

Until I did.

And when I did, and called for you, you remained unready,

unbelievably, unerringly unready,

your bond with a new clan, your new normal, holding firm,

conflicting me,

dismantling me.

When do roots strike soil?

I wanted you still.

(I am greedy for time - remember!)

But you and sense prevailed, and there you remained.

No longer mine, yet never not mine.

My darling girl.

We knew her only

for the first two years

of her life

of grace and soulful eyes and getting away with rather a lot!

She crammed

into those two years

eternity.

She made us feel like we had more than we had

or knew we had

or needed.

A rare quality.

She made us feel.

Shiks' companion for life,

our always girl,

forever on a mission

unfathomable and obscure!

You became

an ache in hearts that thudded your name

as we missed you,

silently, defiantly, constantly, relentlessly

down the hammering years.

But

what we missed more

and miss still

is you saving us

from harm

and from ourselves.

No greater gift.