Follow up to son who wants to meet with an aquaintance

[Mstiles]

Thank you so much for all of you who gave me so support on this. Before I talked to him I copied down your words and had my thoughts together as to what I would say.

I was able to just say no and mean it. I didn’t get drawn into an argument. I mentioned the option of the Zoom meetup as an option

He wasn’t happy and did engage in some of the usual guilt tripping but he’s going to honor my wishes about being with strangers.

He has had a very hard life and I don’t want anyone to believe he’s a horrible person.

My therapist who has helped me for many years is having health and family issues too and was unavailable to me when this all came up.

Your support has made a big difference to me. ❤️❤️💕🤗

[yorkieme]

Clearly it wasn't an easy thing for you to do and it takes a special kind of strength to refuse family the help your son requested. It happens rarely but there are times when you should come first so well done to you,your therapist will be proud of you.

I doubt anyone will see your son in a bad way,quite the opposite actually because as you say he has accepted your decision.Well done you.

[Mstiles in reply to yorkieme]

Thanks so much yorkieme

[HeronNS]

You and your son have done so well. And if the acquaintance is accepting of this, then it will be a good sign for the future. You all need to look after each other.

[Mstiles in reply to HeronNS]

Thanks Heron. Might have never happened anyway. He was starting to think she was not for him but it’s good I made myself clear. Hopefully this will rule out any stress about this in the future.

[MrsNails]

Well Done 👏🏼🌸

[SheffieldJane]

He’s not horrible but he’s young in the way he thinks. I had a similar talk with my son about showering when he first arrived from Edinburgh and separate towels, clean the surfaces he touches etc. That can sound rejecting.

He now seems to be aware and asks me about my condition with interest. Of course you want him to have a good pal, that’s great news all round.

I don’t think we do them many favours by continually making special allowances for tough breaks. At the end of the day we need to build resilience in them. We won’t be here forever and I have been known to say this.x

[jinasc]

You should be proud or yourself and your son. You have both been through a trying time and the end result is a positive and you have given your son an important lesson, in that the world we live in does not revolve around us. We have to consider others and that is a lesson all us sometimes need to be reminded of. Rest on both of your laurels.

[Mstiles in reply to jinasc]

Thank you jinasc,

Yes this lesson is one we parents struggle with sometimes as we struggle with leaping in too Put our children first, even if they are grown.

[Maisiek]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[GOOD_GRIEF]

Your son is in no way a horrible person, and neither are you. At this point, after so many months of whittling down our lives, we all have wants and desires that were once ordinary things, and that now have to be sacrificed to what we absolutely need.

The better we stick with the program, the faster this will be over, and the more likely we are to survive untouched.

Now go make your son his favorite dinner or cake or pie or cookies to show him that you appreciate him. It isn't going to make up for missing his girlfriend, but it is something nice you can do for him.

[Mstiles in reply to GOOD_GRIEF]

Yes cooking something good always works!

[Koalajane]

Well done to you bith

[Thelmarina]

No-one would think badly of your son. It was so much easier when we were told to remain in lockdown and social isolation. Now we are left more or less to making individual decisions about who we may see and the risks we may run. Scary! It sounds to me as if you have been very sensible and truthful, and although your son may not not like it he cannot but respect your reasons. All rather tiring! I hope the sun is shining where you are and that you get to relax (not with a newspaper 😱) but with a glass or cup of something good and who knows - a chocolate biscuit? 😀😉🌺

[Mstiles in reply to Thelmarina]

Yes the individual daily decisions are so much harder and more stressful. Thank you Thelmarina. 💖

[Mstiles in reply to Thelmarina]

Yes a chocolate biscuit (🍪🍪 guess that’s what Brits call a cookie?) definitely will help! And the sun is shining here in California, I plan to take my walk before it gets too hot.

[Jackoh]

Well done Mstiles!! Not easy to say no and mean no especially in both your circumstances. I can’t help but feel though it will, long term, improve your relationship as you have been so open and honest and he has had to reconsider and think through his situation. I think none of us looked at him in a bad light, just appreciated the predicament you were both in. Here’s to onward and upward!! Xx💐

[Mstiles in reply to Jackoh]

Thank you Jackoh for your wise and comforting words. Yes I agree being honest is the best way to go but not always easy! Especially with family members. Thanks for your support!