The Lighter Side of PMR - You asked for more.. ;-)

[markbenjamin57]

Well, as if John Wayne, Professor Unley Stanwin and Janet and John aren't enough, some of (the more reckless amongst?) you are still asking for more. Haven't you all got something better to do?! As the ancient Chinese proverb goes: 'Be careful what you wish for..'

So, here goes. I decided to parody a few of the more juicy 'extracts' from the forum covering some initial posts around key themes over the months and years.

To protect the innocent, this comes with the usual disclaimer that all avatars, characters, descriptions of health conditions, suggested remedies, and anything else posted here is entirely fictitious and not intended to bear any resemblance to real people - whether living, dead, or cryogenically preserved in Marmite. For better or worse (probably worse), it's all a product of my questionably sound (after 2 years on the Preds) mind and imagination. Who knows, even I might be fictitious? Anyway, that's what my lawyers told me to say and I'm sticking to it...

On Rheumatologists...

Nicekaren28:

"Hello to all here, you lovely people! Help Please? I had an appointment with my lovely new Rheumy today (he’s sooooo young and gorgeous!). He said I don’t have PMR but something else that’s 'mega' complicated with a name that even he can’t pronounce. But he’s very nice and I trust him even though I can’t understand what he’s saying most of the time (he talks very quickly and in ‘rapper’ style - like lots of young guys do nowadays). I’d rather I had PMR than the other thing but I don’t want to upset him as to be honest I quite fancy him. He’s such a Hunk and I’m like: ‘He’s Awesome!’. What should I do?!!!!! Anyone want a nice cup of tea..? By the way I am 82 next month but I'm like 'cool' about it. ‘Seeya’!"

On Medication..

Notmadreally23:

"HOW DO I RELEASE THE CAPS LOCK ON MY KEYBOARD?!! IT’S DRIVING ME EVEN MADDER THAN THE PRM! AND HAS ANYONE SEEN MY DREP TABLETS?! I PUT THEM DOWN JUST NOW AND CAN’T FIND THEM! IT’S SO MADDENING! IF I DON’T TAKE THEM IN 5 MINS I THINK I WILL EXPLODE!!! BUT I’M NOT MAD REALLY (WELL MAYBE JUST A LITTLE BIT)!!!!"

On steroid tapering...

Pillsplitterprof17:

"Has anyone here reached the magic 17.00000 (to 5 decimal places, corrected) mg preds threshold and had difficulty in getting below this? I am a professor in micro-science and have calculated that, by using a sub-atomic particle splitter (borrowed from my Ph.D teaching work at Bristol University), I can taper by 0.000000002 mg every 6 minutes to reach my goal of 17.4 mg per day by 07.00 hours on 19th June 2032 (GMT). Although this means I will never get more than 5 kilos and 45 grams of sleep for the next 15 years, 4 miles, 2 metres and 15 pints (+/- 2%), I think it’s worth it to stay on track. What do the experts here think from a scientific perspective? My main concern is that I may have exaggerated my margin of error by a few acres. Excuse the hurried query, I've been under a (xxlotxx) bit of pressure at work recently and my wife has just left me. Responses by spreadsheet only please. Oh, s*d it, someone just tell me what to do - anyone out there fancy another beer.. hic. :-/"

On PMR....

GlumdavefromHull:

"IMHO, PMR is all BS. As a retired SAS veteran and MOD security guard, daily self-flagellation, a high VIT D diet, 20/20 vision and 200 push-ups per day

are DEFO the way to KO PMR or anything else in life 100% ASAP. FYI, it worked for me at the front line of hostilities in the UK when I was CO GRADE 6 with the G4S OSC (outside-catering division). Those posh GPs with their white coats and DXs are a total WOT - OMG!!!! Get a proper 9-5 job like I did LOL. 10.4. OK? BFN… :-/"

On Alternative Remedies...

Inthecloudsbutlovingit65:

"Hiya all, and may Destiny be your Spiritual Guide today! Has anyone here tried taking distilled extract of the wild Venezualan Artichoke plant to relieve their suffering? I saw on the internet that I can get it from ‘wecanhealanythingforenoughcash.com’ (some nice folks in California) for 300$ per 1mg capsule. By the way, I don’t have PMR or GCA - or anything else wrong with me really. I just wanted to be a part of a community. It’s lonely where I live now all my friends have moved away. My pain is more spiritual than physical. ‘Love Yourself and the World is Yours’ - that’s my mantra!’ p.s. anyone here got 300 bucks to spare? Divine thanks XXXXXXXXXXXXXX"

On Newbies...

Beetleface69:

"Just wanted to introduce myself Im beetleface69 don’t have anything to write about myself just a bit bored waiting for a bus just thought Id let you know bye."

On Medication and Side Effects...

Sillyorwhat:

"Am I being silly or what? I’ve got my methatroxilate mixed up with my prednosaline and for good measure took a double dose of co-dipthopharmasyl straight after my thyroxitrone (which I usually take an hour later with a teaspoonful of ground bi-trycilitrate). Actually, I feel perfectly fine after this. But could this result in me suffering from methotroxidodipthopharmathyrobitrylacticalidisone overdose symptoms - or am I just making things up in my mind? Silly or what?!! Love and kisses… (heart emoji)"

Footnote (not another post..!):

'Laugh in company and the world will laugh with you. Laugh alone and it's probably time to see a shrink (only joking...)

Happy Days All

MB

[Hidden]

Hi Mark, although I think you must be a computer ROBOT, you know when you have to type in a box to prove your not a robot, but this time in revers if you see what I mean. I say this because any none-robot person could not imagine and write such fun. As usual ROBOT Mark, keep doing it.

Having a painful shoulder day today, think I overdid it yesterday!

Best wishes

Pete

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Hidden]

Ha, thanks Pete - get your drift! Well, I blame you lot (here) for encouraging me. And, it's a miserable, dark day in the usually sunny Weston super Mare so I just got stuck into it 'on demand'. When I write this stuff, I don't know where it comes from. Must be somewhere in the playful bit of the mind, or maybe in the blood?

Look after that shoulder, easily done when you're feeling a bit better.

MB

[Janll in reply to markbenjamin57]

Oh Weston super Mare. Me too.

Very gray,as you said, today even more so. so perfect to read your crazy light humour. I may read the many posts over and over again..... great medicine, humour!

Janll

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Janll]

Dear old Weston Super Mud - like Cleethorpes, need binoculars when the tide is out...

[markbenjamin57 in reply to PMRpro]

Ah, yes PMRpro. Actually, the tide does come in regularly here. First in March, then again in September..

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Janll]

Ah, bless. Well, it keeps me off the streets ;-). Looking forward to getting my little red plastic bucket and spade out on Weston beach when Spring arrives (eventually!).

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

Think you'd better voluntarily book yourself into the 'noyourenotmadbutmaybeslightlyderanged' clinic before the men in white coats come!

Happy days 🚑💊👨‍🔬I hear the padded cells are quite comfy when you get used to them. Won't let you have a pencil though, let alone a computa!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to DorsetLady]

Lovely, DorsetLady!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

I might even visit.....if I'm not washing my hair 💆

[markbenjamin57 in reply to DorsetLady]

Blimey DorsetLady, that's something like what my first girlfriend said to me when I nervously invited her out in 1974. Story of my Life!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to markbenjamin57]

Twernt me, already spoken for by then! But perhaps I should have said it! Mmmm maybe not!

Mind if you're still getting the same answer after 40years perhaps you'd better stick to writing!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to DorsetLady]

Ha, DL! Better not get on to my romantic adventures over the years (with a long marriage in between..)! Actually, I've been fortunate in love and life generally..

Nowadays, with PMR, it's usually me using the 'sorry, washing my hair tonight' excuse. That said, I hear that the lovely Samantha (er, Doctor French) from the J&J post is unattached. Might be worth popping in to see her..?

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to markbenjamin57]

Couldn't possibly comment! But as we know - never give up!

[Pat9442]

I am waiting for the next essay - the one that that tells me what happened when Ade and Rena (those lazy adrenal glands) took their donkey to the supermarket and ran into Janet and John on the way

Any chance?

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Pat9442]

Ha, Pat..! At this rate I'll be up all night with my mischievous imagination running on overdrive. But with such kind and witty responses from so many here I can't resist the challenge.

Ade & Rena, John Wayne and Janet & John meeting in ASDA? - you couldn't make it up. Watch this space..?!

Sincere thanks and keep smiling in the meantime. More chuckles as soon as I can muster them.. (Brain Fog and Fatigue permitting)

MB

[PMRpro Ambassador]

If you only knew Mark - I've seen just as strange offerings in my 8 years on forums...

[markbenjamin57 in reply to PMRpro]

I'll bet, and more besides?!

[Akino]

Yes, more please!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Akino]

Ah, thanks and bless you Akino. Will do... soon

[Megams]

~What a tonic to read this and take my mind off my perceptive beautiful black 3 year old DLH pussy cat being hit and left to die last night without knowing - we are bereft today but reading this right now has lifted my battered spirits immensely - bless you Mark and as always please keep going, we all need you so much. ~

[Emilytom52 in reply to Megams]

💐 x

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Megams]

Hugs Megams. Al our cats went that way when I was a child - they always went exploring across the road that ran alongside our land. When you think how little traffic there was in deepest rural England 60 years ago it always seems unfair.

[Megams in reply to PMRpro]

Thank you PMRpro - I've never cried so much as usually find this will set me back losing all those tears. Decided yesterday to increase my steroid dose having only just reduced it on Dr's advice from my 3 day stint in hospital last week. Haven't increased it high but enough to let the body adjust & settle down.

Will change my profile pic at some stage from my garden scene & replace with our beautiful TRUFFLES, she was a gorgeous gal with whom I rescued from SPCA 2 years ago. She always knew when I was low & would place her paws up on my legs - bless her dear little heart ~

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Megams]

So sorry to hear this Megams - I know how attached we get to our pets. Sometimes they're more reliable and devoted than humans :-/.

Well, what can I say?! It's a massive privilege to be able to make people here laugh, and especially through the serious and tough bits (of whatever kind..). Thank you so much, everyone

Ironically, it's you and a few others in my 'following' (sounds like a religious cult!) who feed me in return, with your generous feedback and encouragement through my own 'lows' (esp. fatigue etc) sometimes. Either that or you're all just 'humouring' me (excuse the literary pun).

What next..? Well, a couple of you in the past have suggested I put all this 'witty' nonsense into a book. Thanks to this community, I'm starting to assemble the bits of the jigsaw from my previous ramblings and have got it about me now. All I need is a sympathetic publisher who is bonkers enough to take it on.

My fertile (or is it futile?) imagination is already running away with me. I picture sitting behind a big desk in Waterstones with colourful bow tie, fat cigar in hand, and my best pen at the ready (the one I pinched from a recent stay at a Hilton hotel) to do a 'signing' for the book launch of 'Write Me Funny - The Lighter Side of PMRGCA ;-)'. The queue stretches down the High Street...I've made it as a professional writer! Then I realise the queue's actually for a 2-for-1 offer at Greggs' Bakers next door

Oh well, that's the life of an aspiring writer!

Keep smiling all, more to come..

MB

[Megams in reply to markbenjamin57]

~Thank you as always MB - let me know when you think this signing might be & I will save my $$$$ & fly to the homeland of my late parents and join the your queue for the book signing. Bring it on ~

[Janll in reply to Megams]

💐x

[Megams in reply to Janll]

Thank you thank you - very sweet Janll ~

[Jackoh]

That must have been quite a shock Megams. I know when my cat died unexpectedly it did affect me. They are part of the family. And Mark..,,,,, well speechless again!!! I can see that we'll have to be careful that we don't all become characters in your next series!! Only joking!!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Jackoh]

Thanks Jackoh, don't give me ideas...!

[Rugger in reply to markbenjamin57]

Here's an idea Mark! I've told a couple of people that I've got Polymyalgia Neurotica!!! Brain fog or what? You can quote me if you like.

Thanks again for giving us such good 'medicine'.

[Megams in reply to Jackoh]

~Indeed so Jackoh it was completely left field and we are bereft. I had only been out of hospital after a 3 day stay with acute onset gastroenteritis - decided to increase my steroids back to stress dose again.

Thank heavens for Mark.......... you all are keeping me sane right now

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Megams]

Ohhh, Megams, just doing my best to keep up people's sprits (as well as my own!). It's a 2-way process

[jane57]

Hi Mark, you are such a legend, here I am sitting up in bed (alone and in need of a shrink!!) laughing my head off. You spread such good feeling amongst us all on this forum with your hilarious posts.....I love them so much. Having a good laugh is a great way to start the day. It's a big ask but could you do a regular morning slot?!!!! 😁 Jane

[markbenjamin57 in reply to jane57]

Blimey Jane, I've been called a few things in my time, but not a legend. By this, do you mean 'ancient and without any substance'? Sounds about right...

Mmm, morning slot? I wish - but you and others here have at least spurred me on to get 'serious' with the funny stuff and do something more regular. I like a challenge!

Thanks again, have a lovely day (you and all)

MB

[S4ndy]

Epic Mark Reminds me of a friend who asked if I had ever tried Dihydrogenoxide to help! Seriously they thought it was a new wonder drug. I simply said thanks very much for the tip but I already have it on tap at home. Justalittlebitmad.com

[markbenjamin57 in reply to S4ndy]

Thanks S4ndy :-). Lovely anecdote about H20...!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to S4ndy]

I prefer hydrogen hydroxide myself...

[markbenjamin57 in reply to PMRpro]

... nitrous oxide? etc...

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to markbenjamin57]

NO! Can't get that out of the tap...

[markbenjamin57 in reply to PMRpro]

It would be a bit of a laugh if you could!..... (rolling around on the floor emoji)

[Steve2002]

LOL!

[Megams]

~I've never been without a pet/s in my life, owned a German Shepherd once as does my son presently. They are beautiful creatures & are members of our family so the loss is always heartfelt~

[allykat]

How did I miss this yesterday? Must have been the pills. I think you should produce one of those "thought for the day" calendars. Bet you'd make a fortune for charity!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to allykat]

You have to be quick off the 'Mark' allykat. Would love to make a fortune for charity, but with some down-time as a result of PMR and diminished earnings recently I need to make a few bob for myself first - and then I'd be delighted to contribute a share to PMRGCA!

Thought for the day? Oh, don't start me off!

[HeronNS in reply to markbenjamin57]

I'd actually been thinking something like chicken soup for the PMR soul....

[markbenjamin57 in reply to HeronNS]

Ah-hah, HeronNS, chicken soup for whatever!

[Megams]

Elizcarroll - I can certainly understand your first sentence in its entirety. My Shepherd was the runt in the litter so was not a big dog but tremendous with my young sons when they were growing up. Very loyal one person dog but their nature is to protect & they are only as good as the training and discipline they are taught. All dogs can be dangerous to a lesser varying degree but responsible dog owners go a long way towards ensuring safety for all.~

[PMRpro Ambassador]

I agree totally with Megams' comment - but this article explains better than I can just why dogs and children may not be a good mix. And it is too late when it has happened:

dailymail.co.uk/debate/arti...

[Polylinc]

🙄 😴 💤💤💤