Denial

I just came back from seeing my therapist. It was an interesting visit. All we talked about was whether or not I was going to stop seeing her. Was I ready? Did I need to continue seeing her?

Let's review: I have Parkinsons. I am depressed. Every morning I go through a little drama. I know that the depression might have something to do with having Parkinsons. When I told my neurologist about the depression she told me that I needed to start seeing a therapist. O.K. But when my therapist told me that I should see a psychiatrist. [?] I told her that seeing a psychiatrist would mean getting another prescription for antidepressants. I wanted to tell her that going on another pill might be a bad idea because in my experience taking antidepressants has always lead to a deeper depression, insomnia, constipation and feeling like a zombie. I WANTED to tell her that, in my opinion, psychiatrists are just glorified drug dealers, but before I had a chance to lay out my foundation she told me that my problem was that I was in denial. When she says something to me I say that it isn't true. As an example she cited my last visit. On my last visit she came out to the waiting room and told me that she had to cancel my appointment because an emergency came up. Fine. In fact I was sort of relieved because I was planning on telling her that i wanted to stop seeing her. Instead i told her that she was important to her clients and even gave her a little hug. But she said that I was angry with her because she had cancelled the appointment, which wasn't true. Disappointed yes. Angry no. So I told her that she was wrong. She said "See. There you go".

My next appointment is at noon next wednesday. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, this is awkward.

24 Replies

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  • Stop see her and talk to other people with Parkinson's that understand you.....i too get depressed.....a lot!!! I have a great Family dr. that listens to me. She put me on Effexor and it helps.

  • Doesn't sound like a therapeutic relationship. I too have had no success with anti depressants. I'v been told that I quit them too early. I fail to see how increasing the doses would help when I'm sick on the early doses.

  • The first antidepressant I was put on made me want to jump out of my skin. Went off of it after 3 days. Didn't use anything for 6 months then started seeing a therapist who recommended I use an antidepressant. I have been on Paxil ever since. What a difference it has made in my life. I think you just have to find the one that works for you.

    Hugs, Terri

  • Your therapist does not seem to understand you at all and surely that is part of the reason you go to see her - in order to build up a rapport. I really think that the only people who can possibly understand how you feel are those people with Parkinsons. I know that however much I tell my Consultant or my Nurse how I feel they can only go by the text book to give me an answer and no two people are the same.

  • When I told the therapist I was seeing that I was trying to find the cause for my "idiopathic PD", she said to just accept it because I'm lucky I have some support from my family.

    I told her I would continue to look for a cause in case it's something I can avoid. Finally, I stopped seeing her. She wants me to sit back and give up. Hah!

  • Hi Joealt

    The only person who can get you out of your depression is you.

    You have to decide whether you need the help of a therapist or you are going to get out there and conquer that depression. lots of ways and means of doing it .

    if you need any help we are all here for you if you need to chat I am here just send a message.

  • Ew, just don't go back! A bad therapist can do a lot of damage.

  • We all have suffered one time or another with depression,and there are lots of ways to deal with it,each one of us in our own way and own time.I battled it with the help of Lexapro and counseling.I do not like taking meds but sometimes we need help and if we dont get it,things will never be better.Good luck,we are all in this together and are here for each other :)

  • Agree. We all need to find what works for us. Having this site as a resource, a sounding board and for friendship and compassion is a God send.

    Hugs, Terri

  • I definately think you should find a new therapist!!!!

  • I am a therapist, the client of a therapist, and a person with PD. I can tell you based on those 3 things that sometimes you have to "shop" for a therapist with whom you have a good fit. I went to a few before I found one that works well for me. And I know some of my clients who don't come back go on to find someone else. Therapy can do wonders but the key element is the therapeutic relationship so if it's not there with this one, find another who has experience working with chronic illness.

  • My therapist works with chronic cases, including people with Parkinsons. She's a nice person but I never look forward to my appointments. I've had several other therapists in the past but they were all student interns. I got along fine with all of them and I always felt better after a visit. Maybe she was having a bad day.

  • I have never had much faith in therapists, they sometimes think they have all the answers, when I don't think they even know the question. I saw one fo a while before being dx with PD. I knew there was something more than depression, he thought I was........lazy or something. I was an airline captian, a job I dreamed about all my life. Good pay travel, fun, but there was something going on in me. Slowing down, occasioally confusion, more non-motor stuff than movement, but that was starting. Balance problems noticed first when I was sailing, another passion. It was all caused by depression they said here ar some pills, didn't tell me the would ground me, or cause impotence, that wont cause depression. Some of the motor symptoms continued to get worse, never did develop a tremor, but I have fasiculations, and myclonic jerks. Finally after years of tests, retests, and head shaking a neuro, a new one gave me a small dosage of sinemet and said lets see what happens. It helped! My wife and I thought PD no one would listen. Finally I could wal a straight line, I quit falling, I had rather minor freezing, hands and speech, it quit. The muscle jerks and fasiculations almost completely gone. Dr said you have PD, I ws RELIEVED, finially after nearly 5 years. We started to treat the PD, my depression was gone, I finially knew the enemy and could fight it. I was not glad to have PD, just to know what I was fighting put reason back into my life. The therapist knew all the answers, he just didn't know the question.

  • I saw a therapist 3 times in my life. Once when I was 20 referred by my ex-husband (I know, 20?) I stopped seeing her when I saw her at a party talking about her patients. When I was 53 and planning to leave my abusive husband. I put this one to sleep. The third when my son died. I stopped seeing him when I started developing PD symptoms. He was in a 4th floor walkup and did not seem to care that I was having difficulty walking. The best is to find a good listener and learn to be a good listener. It takes skill and compassion.

  • Not all therapists are the same! There are good and bad, just as in every profession! It took me 4, to find the one that was right for me! And I have been seeing her for 16 years! I would not consider four therapist a true therapist at all! Her blaming you, etc..not a therapist in my opinion! And I agree that a psychiatrist is just a glorified drug dealer! They don't listen to you! They prescribe medication! You owe this person nothing! Ask around and try different therapists! Keep going until you find one that works best for you! We are all different and click with different people! If seeing a therapist is not about you, and your feelings, then stop seeing that person and find a new one! Keep going until you do!

    Blessings,

    Carol

  • You need to find a different therapist. I personally don't think yours is worth a damn. Just saying.....

    Hugs, Terri

  • Joe, don't quit going! Ask for another psychologist. It's like shopping for shoes, you need to keep trying them on in order to get the right fit! There are plenty of psychologists out there, find the right FIT, Joe!

    Love Ya!

    Jupiterjane

  • I'm such a nerd.

  • No, you aren't. I think we have all seen a doctor that we are referred to that we just don't mesh with. At least you recognize that you need help and you don't have a "warm and fuzzy" feeling for the therapist you are currently seeing; that's more than half the battle. I agree with Jane---keep shopping. :-) :-)

    Hugs, Terri

  • Why? Because you are taking Responsibility for your condition. I have seen a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, counselor, etc.

    They just seem to want to sell prescription drugs to me. The very last thing I want is more side effects yeah!

    Don’t give in, you owe it to yourself to be strong in the face of uncaring(?), uninvolved, unfit to treat a pig, therapists like this. Shame on her for playing games with you!

    Look inside yourself for the Answer. Have faith and Love yourself even in your lowest moment you are still Divine!

  • love your posts! keep writing

  • I was diagnossed with early onset PD 10 years ago & have been in total denial, not that I have PD, but that I would need to change my life at all. I always thought that there was hope in denial & that I was just being hopeful. Well, I now realize as I am progressing that I now need to leave my job & becausse I never fully accepted this disease, I made no changes to prepare for a time when I could no longer do my job. My doctors have been trying to ge me to leave work for a few years now, but I just kept pushing myself, telling myself to be tough & keep going. I now realize that by not being honest with myself that I could not move forward with planning for this stage in my life. This was a big mistake, as we are in no way going to be able to pay our bills on my husband's income alone. I am going to try & keep working a few more months & am making plans to expand my at home business that I have worked at part time for the last 10 years, while also working full time outside the home.Wish me luck! By the way, I love my neurologist, the visits are tough though, as she is the only one that I share how I am really feeling & I usually cry my eyes out. This is the only time that I allow myself to really think about PD & my reality. I have conveniently kept myself so busy for the last 10 years so that I would not have time to think about it. I guess even after 10 years, i truely haven't faced it, how do you all accept it without it taking you down?

  • Do we have a choice?

  • Yes, you always have a choice. You may not have had a choice in getting PD, but we all have a choice how we live with it. We can be depressed & question, why me, which I would imagine that we all go through at the beginning. Hopefully there is an acceptance or thought process whereas we accept & live life to the fullest, even with PD. I was just wondering when that moment was for others & how you transformed from denial to acceptance, because I don't believe you can move forward without acceptance.

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