I just came back from seeing my therapist. It was an interesting visit. All we talked about was whether or not I was going to stop seeing her. Was I ready? Did I need to continue seeing her?
Let's review: I have Parkinsons. I am depressed. Every morning I go through a little drama. I know that the depression might have something to do with having Parkinsons. When I told my neurologist about the depression she told me that I needed to start seeing a therapist. O.K. But when my therapist told me that I should see a psychiatrist. [?] I told her that seeing a psychiatrist would mean getting another prescription for antidepressants. I wanted to tell her that going on another pill might be a bad idea because in my experience taking antidepressants has always lead to a deeper depression, insomnia, constipation and feeling like a zombie. I WANTED to tell her that, in my opinion, psychiatrists are just glorified drug dealers, but before I had a chance to lay out my foundation she told me that my problem was that I was in denial. When she says something to me I say that it isn't true. As an example she cited my last visit. On my last visit she came out to the waiting room and told me that she had to cancel my appointment because an emergency came up. Fine. In fact I was sort of relieved because I was planning on telling her that i wanted to stop seeing her. Instead i told her that she was important to her clients and even gave her a little hug. But she said that I was angry with her because she had cancelled the appointment, which wasn't true. Disappointed yes. Angry no. So I told her that she was wrong. She said "See. There you go".
My next appointment is at noon next wednesday. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, this is awkward.