Love Carrot

I used to love finding a carrot in my vegetable soup

Sounds weird, I know

But I’m Irish by birth and my childhood was a very thin and bitter brew , one of desperation and deprivation

So, the carrot was a real treat, almost as good as a nice hot potato given to us to share as dessert.

What’s this got to do with Parkinson’s? You might ask…

I guess that the idea for meis:

If, as a child, I could find joy at the bottom of a soup bowl, while all around me Raging Mania reigned the throne, how can I do that now and how can I recover that approach, how can I find my carrots now?

You know what I mean. Those small intimate moments of Joy when all is right with the World. Do you remember them? I surely do. Snuggling in the afterglow with my arm around my beautiful wife of 36 years, for one major Pissmaker, playing with my grandkids, being a kid without a care in the world.

Never again…

However, because I wake to Parkie every morning and wonder what sort of Havoc I’ll have to endure today, my life becomes an adventure. Will I make my rounds todays without hurting myself or anybody else? Will I be stopped for reckless driving and arrested for my PD meds, which I carry in a small waterproof case? So, I worry…

But smile and the world smiles with you. No?

We barely touch now…My wife and I…

I love her so much and cannot say it again without feeling desperate for her to acknowledge me with ….wait for it: “I love you , too”, in return. So I say nothing. Oh I know she loves me like chocolate, but I want to be needed, respected, to Love and be loved Passionately and Truly in return, not feel like you’re obligated to stay.. But I guess I want to Ski gracefully again too… Play the Prince of Manhattan again.

But how could she not love DeParkiepoet? Why, I’m so cute with my constant Torqueing and Cramping, my Waking and Shaking, my Fears and my Tears. My Manliness, my Confident and Determined Spirit, now they are shadows all.

My Joie DeVivre, excuse my French, overwhelms her. Did I mention that I told her to leave me and go get the life she deserves, the life we had planned together. You know: Dining and dancing, tennis at the club, romantic vacations tours…Enjoying each other…

She even said that the dyskinesia dance I do,( that Voodoo that I do) sometimes turns her on. Weird, right? I don’t care though, any port in a storm.. . Some things/symptoms are harder to handle than others for me. I need sleep! Don’t you?

It’s as if I’m in a sled sliding downhill accelerating faster and faster, without any control at all. As I lose mobility and motility, and my life experience shrinks to where the highlight of my day sometimes is a wonderfully restorative nap, outdoors, I wonder how I can deal with that crap. I see PWP who are much worse off so I can Imagine what I’ll look like soon…

I think I’ll go make soup… B>)

25 Replies

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  • Well written. I can relate.

  • Love carrot and this

  • I can totally relate to this. One thing about Parkinsons is that you are never alone. There are always a lot of people who can emphasise with you. This does not mean that I would not be glad to see the back of it!! If only to get a good night's sleep. Thanks for posting.

  • I refuse to accept it..fight the good fight...always look at the positive..recreate your moments of past happiness. Act like theres nothing wrong ..just getting older..Try all the natural therapies, spoil yourself with massages etc..GET POSITIVE...sing to yourself ..always look on the bright side of life. Look with compassion at others we are all here for lessons to learn..no one escapes suffering..we are all in the same boat..but create JOY its very infectious.

    Tv science prog on bbc recently...we can change our genes and dna by exercise. Finding it has curative measures on your body. My guess is we can get better by the right exercise and diet.. Im trying to cure myself. Balance my body mind. Detoxing, qi gong classes, john coleman..its all out there...good luck!

  • What do you use for detox and how do you deal with constipation, if you have that problem? Also, what type of foods do you eat? You mention qi gong--is that better than tai chi?

    Hugs, Terri

  • Tai Chi and Qi Gong are very similair, Qi Gong is more of the techniques and breathing routines connecting to the Universal Energy. Tai Chi is a form of Qi Gong, a moving meditation!

  • Thanks.

  • I loves me some Tai Chi.

  • And I loves me some words... lol

  • I detox with .1000 gm of vit c and zinc sulphate.

    Constipation. I always check im drinking enough water..we dont generally..also goo d for the brain! Then i have dried prunes every dsy for breakfast, dried apricots and figs later on. Avoid wheat as much as possible...especially white flour products..lots of fryuit and green veg. I have museli without gluten for breakfast with rice milk or any other non dairy. Try to eat fish with omega 3 s., ..im not a saint and break the rules but always suffer if i do . Avoid red meat and cheap chicken etc,, beans, lentils, almonds,

    Avocado and broad beans foe levdopa sometimes. Camonile, digestive teas, mint,verbena.. Avoid coffee and standard tea.

    Qi gong is better than tai chi because its gentle, non stressful but very powerful. Helps breathing and balancing your body, calming. Tai chi is good though and yoga. Easier to do then yoga if movement problems. I take ages moving from one posture to the next in yoga and cant catch up in class.

    Hope that helps, i do get down but i think we must stop ourselves..its easy to go into poor me! Mode :)

  • Thanks.

  • Very good advice! I second that emotion!

  • John Coleman? the weatherman? John Coltrane? the musicman?

  • Google "john coleman and parkinson's disease"

    I thought I sent this earlier this morning but I must have done something wrong since the post didn't show up.

  • This life we PWP's have is not easy, to say the least.....but it is "worth it".....Even with all our "tortures", and "demeaning circumstances", I am very grateful for the "instances" and "moments" we have to appreciate the simple, but "beautiful" things that are too often taken for granted.

    Expressing your thoughts and emotions in this way is a "true gift"....you state in words what many of us feel, but could never convey to others......Thank you for posting.

    CJ

  • Agree. This morning I am grateful that I am still on my feet after literally hitting the wall on one of my many nightly trips to the bathroom.

    Hugs, Terri

  • 4 last night. got out of bed at 5 am. what do I do at 5 10 am? can't write, can't read, can't eat no food, not in the mood. Check with my PWP friends...

    Decrease stress, exercise, be positive "practice" Laughter out loud. remember Love? KIss my Petunias...

  • Thank you my favorite people!

    "I wake up crying and stumble back to bed

    all because I have a little Parkie in my head"

    you make me smile !

  • Well written, I can definitely relate. I must start looking for more carrots as I have had so many issues lately I could use a bushel. And yet I know there are so many others worse off than me.

    Hugs, Terri

  • Yes, It's a chore sometimes to find those bright spots. I pray to keep my eyes open for them. As well as other senses. Every day requires more and more planning. Can't wing it anymore :D

    The married people in my PD classes definitely show the strain, some of them. The ones who met up post PD are doing well.

    I have lovely dreams, being single, and flirt with helpful young men.

    BTW My son-in-law is from Dublin and I can almost understand him. And my other son is a poet , used to be a street poet!

    many thanks, Poet ::)

  • :)

  • Dear DeParkie,

    This post made me very emotional. I can relate. Hang in there and try to be positive. We all have "a cross to bear" as my mother used to say. One day at a time. We all have to try to have more positive days that "pity party" days. You are a good writer... :)

  • Thank you, I relate. I miss my husband like you miss your wife.

  • Dear friends in pain:

    I have only myself to blame! Head traumas, pesticides, medication induced

    I feel like I'm going insane

    the hallucinations are getting worse, because I think that I'm "getting better all the time"

    There are days that I suck at life

    There are days where I hate my wife! ( the beautifulliest thing in the world) ( a rock, a roll a beautiful Soul)

    there are days when I feel abandoned and days when I feel so loved.i cry

  • I, too, have problems sleeping. Am now on Sinemet CR, which is not proving to be helpful at the moment. Parkinsons Nurse asked if I had tried over the counter meds. Someone mentioned that Valerian Root, or things containing valerian, could help. So I am giving them a try. I checked before taking the drops that they would not affect my present meds. Anything is worth a try. Maybe sleeping slightly longer and going back to bed sooner. Here's hoping.

    Sue

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