Down but not out

Hi folks, for the last few weeks I have been in a very dark place, two of my closest friends have died and I have been brutally reminded of my mortality. Yes I have still smiled and said I'm doing fine when asked, because that's what they want to hear. I really want to shout out loud "NO I'M NOT ALL-RIGHT, PLEASE COULD SOMEONE RESCUE ME?" but like the Titanic there are not enough life boats and I must sink or swim. So I'm swimming as hard as I can, but I'm so very tired.

29 Replies

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  • Anthony,

    I am sorry to hear about your losses. I know things get rough...for me right now they are rough too. But we must keep on going, you must find a reason to move...call a friend, your children, one of parkinsons friends and cry on their shoulder. i am lucky i have my husband to cry on. Please dont jump...the water is to cold and i only like to swim in warm water.....

    go sit in a warm tub, with a glass a wine, the radio on and have a good cry....

    I will be thinking of you...we all have our dark days,

    jeni

  • HI ANTHONY

    I MA SORRY TOO THAT YOU HAVE SUFFERED A LTO IN THR LAS TFEW WEEKS

    I SHOULD BE HAPPY AS I AM IN MY NEW APARTMENT IWTH MY PARTNER BTU HAVE BEEN V WEEPY OVER NOTHING

    IT IS WORTH SEEIGN YOUR DOCTOR (I HAV EBEEN ON A WHOEL HOST OF ANTI DEPRESSANT S 4 MOS T FO MY ADULT LIFE )

    LOL jiLL

    TRY AND HANG ON IN THERE

  • My slogan is "They can't hit a moving target". They being any person or situation, DON'T QUIT.

  • Running like Dougie M.?

  • Anthony,sorry for your loss,its never easy. Please know that people care and are thinking of you.

  • Please also accept my support. Any person PD or not would find this a hard time. I am always compelled to do something positive when something hits me. I can't express what as it is personal to you. A good thing can rise up from a bad one. Trust you have a better day today. Kindest.

  • I am sorry for your losses and for the fact that you are in such a dark place at the moment. These are holes it is very difficult to get out of. But you can do it. Only you can do it. We all get in these places at one time or another so we all know how horrible it is. I agree with HH above and always try and find at least one positive thing to do each day. It takes time, but you will get there.

  • Hey Anthony,

    Hang in there it could always be worse. If you open your eyes every morning you are ahead of the game.

    I have been their many times when my wife passed away. My baby sister has been diagnosed with bone cancer even though she is in her mid fifties she will always be my baby sis. And I also lost my dog around the same time. I went out and got a new puppy

    And what a great companion he is. He is a fantastic depression cure for me. Maybe you should look into a pet of some kind?

  • My little dogs give me so much comfort as well. What a good suggestion.

  • I am in a dark place too. I empathize and try to imagine this is a big strong bear hug over the Internet. "I'm fine. I'm fine." When you are terrified and just when you think nothing else can go wrong, it does. and then another thing after that, oh brother. I saw a therapist for the first time yesterday and it was helpful, someone who you can safely disclose your depression and fear to. Bear hug, bear hug, Bear hug! Email me any time!

  • Sorry for your loss, Anthony. Parkinson's is bad enough to deal with......but many of us have more problems....(sometimes too painful to talk about) in our family. Hang in there and know that you are not alone. Sending thoughts and prayers that you will feel a little less overwhelmed today. :)

  • This year two of my friends also died, one whom I went to school with.

    It does lead to dark places thinking about it, but you have to find the light, and to carry on

    At least I had the pleasure in life of knowing two lovely people.

    I absorb myself with work, if I have no projects to do I know I will crawl the walls.

    It is I know so easy for someone else to say what you should do,

    but one thing for certain, never dwell in dark places. it draws the life out of you.

    light a candle as a symbol of life and light .

    I feel sure any of us on this site are here for you if you need a friend.

    I do mean that with great sincerity. I know on these sites one often feels like a ship in the night.

    but I am quite willing to come to port to be a friend to anyone in need.

    best wishes to you

  • Oldtyke said it very well i too am sorry for your losses I'm not going to tell u it will be easy but it can be done fight to find a light i did still not completely there as tears roll down my face but we gotta fight. Am here for u anytime

  • Sorrry for your losses, I too lost 2 PD group members this month. I also identify with your day to day feelings, your not alone hang in their

    RegaRDS

    eric

  • I'm sure you have read the posts of others. There is no magic wand that will give you all the answers. Mourn your losses but try to find something good that God has made everyday. After being in the life insurance industry for 30 years, I've seen my share of death claims and the survivors do heal with time. Hang in there, pray to God, and Keep the Faith!!

  • Anthony, you are clearly not alone, simply by the support given in this blog community. You are strong to reach out. You have many freinds and good things in life to keep you afloat. Be good to yourself, you deserve it! Spent some time with good energy people and pets! Tomorrow will be a better day! We are fighting right along with you and there are many in your corner!

  • Anthony, please know that we are behind you. We need you. You have shown us how to be brave in pain. You are an inspiration to me with your honesty. You are not alone. We share your pain and hope you find joy and perhaps a sense of humor in the not too distant future. I wish you all the best of every day. Thank you my friend in PD.

  • Once again your comments and the flood of emotion overwhelm me and I thank you all for your encouragement. I met a couple yesterday who were celebrating their first wedding anniversary, they were good Christian souls in the twilight of their years but their exuberance for life was catching. They never stopped smiling.

  • Anthony, I too am sorry to learn of your pain. I will be praying for you and I'm sure others who have never met but have read your post are praying also. I hope it will encourage you just to know that.

  • I also lost 3 dear friends last year all younger than me. They were very supportive TO ME with my PD and now this. They deserved a long healthy life, but their life spans were shorter than mine. A loss to me in more ways than one. Finding friends who are happy to help pwp's is not easy! I'm still here. I must have some mission. You're not alone, anthony

  • This may not come out quite right as I sometimes have problems "finding the right words". I'm sure many have been there. My Mom and I were having a similar discussion just a couple of weeks ago. I will tell you what I told her........their job on this earth was done, those of us left still have work to do. Know that each and every one of us are important to someone in one way or another.

  • I'm sorry to hear you're in that dark place. You were very blessed to have your friends in your life.....but their time on earth is done. They fought the "good fight" and finished the race... We all have a time and reason for being here.....we may not understand it, but our lives exist to help others in some way ....we may not see the reason why, but "He" does.

    Please "take care" of yourself....any time you need to talk, please know your PD friends are here for you and we care....."Keep up the good fight."

    CJ

  • Thoughts prayers and good wishes are sent your way.

    Be strong

    Take care

    Andy

  • Have you ever tried seeing a counselor? I see one and have seen her for 15 years! She's kept me going when I didn't want to! And of course talk to you Neuro about it! I went through 4 counselors, before I found the one that was right for me! You know when you have the right one! I needed a counselors at that time because our only child died in a car accident! A lot of antidepressants and my counselor, and God helped me survive! Get some help! You are worth it! Praying for you!

    Blessings,

    Carol

  • Anthony,

    I'm so sorry you are in this dark place. I believe we all visit it at some point(s). Over the last 3 years I have been to 10+ funerals, many of them people younger than me & some who pre-deceased their parents. Time really is the only healer but knowing you have the love, support & understanding of friends in this group might help. God bless, Angela.

  • I also am sorry for your loss but please swim, swim, swim as fast and hard as you can. I believe that any of us with PD have been in dark places at some time or another but we cant let PD win......SWIM my friend...SWIM...

  • Don't give up, you hard-nosed Son of a Gun...

    When I try to be miserable, my Grandkids, my dog, my wife all bouy me...

    I wish I had some hope for you, but I don't, so Swim Bubbie Swim

    We all have stuff and circumstances. Yours is just heavier than most .

    Smile parkie Brother. Smite the Parkie monster

    it really could be much worse.

    I've lost 3 old friends in 6 months, had root canal, threw my back out, lost 23 pounds from a viral infection, I have to work even though I am incapable of putting in a just adequate effort. I will still sing in the shower, cry for my lost friends and pray for you to get a flashlight for that dark place...

  • well put parkie poet an d to anthony @ we r all her efor you!!!

    i know where you are comign from

    lolJill

    :-)

  • Thank you for your words.

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