I become easily overwhelmed. Too much information given to me at once, more often than not, causes a short circuit in my brain and the anxiety takes over and all request are lost in the fog. Ask me to get directions and I will gladly do so, might even Google the map for you, but then the rest is up to you. I will not be able to guide you to our destination and no amount of "where are we, or where is it"?, will prompt any response other than a blank stare. And when you push me with,"read the stupid map", you will must likely get the "Ëvil Eye". I have a very short attention span, and without my date book, which I consult many times throughout the day, I would forever be missing important dates and appointments. I am so easily distracted. Is this a Parkinson's trait or is it related to my kidney failure and the morphine toxicity in my body that caused this brain fog? I don't really know, and at this point I don't care. I think you should understand and accept that I am not the girl I used to be. The days of finishing the NY times Crossword puzzle in ink in15 minutes are over. I can no longer read a book, and all those witty and funny remarks that used to roll so easily off the tongue lie dormant. I'm just not the same girl I was yesterday, stop pretending that I am! All those years of walking 3 miles a day, reading food labels and eating light don't matter at all now. I've gained 60 pinds, my skin looks a little dusty and those great gams of mine, strong and shapely, no longer turn heads, or bring whistles and cat calls. They are swollen and bumpy and the muscles are hard as rocks. I am not the girl I once was. I think you should give me a fucking break and embrace the woman I am with each new day! I would not wish my health problems on any one else, but if you could just live in my body for a day or two I promise we will never, ever have this conversation again.
Jupiterjane
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jupiterjane
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I understand your frustration. My husband has issues also. Last night he couldn't understand how to read the TV listings in the paper. By the time he finds the time and then goes down to read what shows are on, he gets lost and is trying to watch a show that was on 4 hours ago. Then he gets angry because he thinks the remote isn't working. I could go on but I'm sure you all know what I mean. I try to be helpful but he wants to remain independent and I don't blame him. It is a balancing act for we caregivers who want to step in and help but don't want to overstep and take over.
I cannot teach you how much I appreciate everything "My Robert" does for me and with me to keep me happy and in as little pain as possible. He is a wonderful man but sometimes he wants to believe so hard that I will get better!
Caregivers are Heros! They should be adorned with crowns and medals and given chocolates and all thier favorite foods!
My best advice to you all is to keep exercising your brain. If we don't use it, we will surely lose it. Do crossword puzzles and other puzzles that are in the newspaper. Pay attention to the news and write letters to the editor regarding topics that are important to you. Play games like Scrabble, Yahtzee, and Uno. If you have trouble tackling a novel, get a magazine you like and read stories from it every day. I began bird watching several years ago and this practicing this hobby alone has sharpened my mind. There are natural and herbal supplements like ginko and St. John's Wort that are said to enhance memory and brain function. You are discussing your concerns in this forum and that also is a good thing. It shows you are seeking a way to at least maintain your brain's function. Keep on keeping on.
Thanks Wordworks for your suggestions. I go to "brain therapy"every Monday for an hour. We do a lot of puzzles, memory games, word searches and lots of other mind games I can't remember right now. She gives me a lot of homework so I can keep busy.
I tried to write earlier, but had a tremor and "screwed up" the page.
I was going to state my three quotes:
1) Anything that is worthwhile does "not come easy."
2) Life is worthwhile....not easy, but worthwhile.
Here's my favorite one!
3)Sometimes it "just helps to bitch !"
Hope your day gets better...just know that we care.
CJ
Good morning gorgeous you! I suspect any one of us could have written that or something similar, and sometimes only a public rant will do. We can't always get what we need doing a Liza Minelli :: scream under a bridge whilst a train goes over :: letting the noise be heard in a safe place is a good thing. Good for the rest of us too, touching base whilst the same sad ticks fill boxes... No reading, jumbled thoughts, loss. But out of a bad thing can come some really amazing and unexpected good things. I set myself ridiculous challenges, and blow me if I don't go and do them, not perfectly but heck some times better than many. It's a great feeling, I need it, and I allow myself some slack and think hell yes you bloomin well did it! I don't really know you but I know you are smart, sassy and determined. Go do something really huge! Amazing and wow! You can, you so can! X
There's a line from a John Denver song that comes to mind---"some days are like diamonds----some are like stones". Some moments are like diamonds-- keep mining....
I understand your frustration. Thoughts & prayers to you. <3
Strange how we all seem to understand this problem too much info and flash my fuses go I can't think and can't do anything but sit quiet then all comes back after a while.
You go girl. You may be in a fog but you have just put into words and well i might add the way i feel most of the time. Hope u feel better getting it off your chest. Some day i hope we can all wake up from this nightmare
It took me close to an hour to write this Blog. My mind keep straying and a lot of the words did not find thier way down into my finger tips and onto the page. I do feel better having purged it from my thoughts.
I hate that i find i don't join in conversations much because the words are in my head i just can't get them to come out of my mouth. I also wonder if the words are the right ones. Easier to just not talk.
my computer is a notebook i found a place called notes I've been using it like a journal helps clear my head
I used to always want to be a part of the conversation and now I find that just observing is best for me. The words that come out of my mouth just make me look stupid or get me in trouble. Robert hates it when I use the word stupid, but stupid is how I feel sometimes.
i hear you Jupiterjane, my daughter has a TBI and I find some of my problems are similar to hers, although she'd be furious if I said so. Question of degree I suppose. I've been stockpiling crosswords because I used to do one a day and now? They're piling up. Then my mom also sent me a subscription to a crossword magazine, now also piling up.
Brava, Jupiterjane! Allow me to add my voice to what others have written. You have shared a great concern, and you have done it with grace, humor, and honesty, alll of which can serve us well in tough times. I have always been a voracious reader of broad taste, but lately I have trouble following novels. I was a bookseller in various settings for almost 20 years, and reading 4-6 books per week was the norm, but not so these days. We have changed my meds recently, and I'm having good results physically, but cognitively I'm not what I used to be! You are a wonder of perseverance!
PS For years, my motto was "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well." from Julian of Norwich, 14th century mystic; I have begun to prefer this paraphrase: "All shall be well enough...".
Ah!, One of my favorite words! In the morning on my way down the hall to the bath the whole house hears, "shit, damn, fuck, crap, piss!, shit, damn, fuck,crap,piss"! It's my battle cry, a way to deal with the overwhelming pain I wake up in. It's a good thing I live in a house full of adults!
Jane: I am in the same sinking boat. I mourn my everyday losses, regret my lapses and feel lousy most of the time. I wish us the best because my other friends are dying more rapidly than I remember. I'll pray for us all.
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