I wish you love!

I wish you love!

I want you to love me

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I want you to love me

For who I am today

Not who I used to be

But that would not be possible

As I am unlovable in the here and now

(Or maybe just less than)

I wallow, I swallow

I must revolt against the inflexibility

Of this disease, the inexorability of degradation

But I don’t have the energy or will

To accomplish just finishing a piece of poetry

Where can I get the essential Qi, that is necessary?

Just to sleep, perhaps dream

Of love, pure love, would be lovely…

Is this, my life, a dream?

Or just a disjointed and demented past time?

9 Replies

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  • Very well said and written !!!

    I don't know you I love you because everyone needs to be loved !!

  • Ditto! Thanks A!

  • Thank god for this site where we can feel each others pain

    You have my love

    dena

  • Painful but very good poem. Hope you write more. You are NOT unlovable!

    :)

  • Funny old world ,i thought my relationship was fire proof but alas a little more pain to endure. I understand how hard it must be for all those fit people out there struggling to cope with a partner who has an illness such as ours. They say there is always a Jack for Jill.Hope you find your understanding and loving Jill.

  • Ditto!

  • Me too

  • What a beautiful, sad poem.

    I only know that I love my husband more now than I ever did. He is my inspiration, my reason to be, and every day, as I see him coping or sometimes not coping with this horrible condition, I am so very proud of him.

    I always loved his tenacity and determination and now he demonstrates those strengths in barrow loads.

    Sometimes he is very sad and sometimes I am, sometimes he is angry and sometimes I am. But what I always know (and I believe he does too) is that it is Parkinsons and Lewy bodies that make us angry and sad and never each other.

    We are well able to laugh at some of the situations it presents us with and that always makes me feel we have stolen a march on it.

    We loved one another before Parkinsons so why would that change when each of us has had to grow all our strengths in order to meet it's demands. We are both stronger and wiser people than we were previously.

    Don't let Parkinsons steel your love it is a horrible brutal bully. Fight it together and you will always be the winners.

  • Wow! Mum that is Beautifully Powerful. You should try an enzyme called Wobenzyme.

    It breaks down protein structures :as in Lewys..I appreciate your kind words an d your loyalty.

    Here is a poem I wrote for you (actually for my June)

    For all the Care-Givers, especially the Spouses like my wife- JUNE

    2.24.11.219

    Unlike you, I have never suffered

    Alone

    Those tears on my pillow are not mine

    Alone

    In this darkest of nights I will not sleep

    Alone

    I do not stumble on this rocky and treacherous path

    Alone

    Now that we are being swept out into the wine dark sea

    You: who have borne the burden of increasing responsibilities and a shrinking life with authentic love and courage

    You: who has had your true love, your main man, stolen, leaked away from you daily

    You: who has defended my honor and pride by lying to cover for my mistakes.

    You: who saw your life's dream implode, then swept up the pieces and was off to work before noon.

    You: who hold my trust, my power, my family, my Muse and my love

    You: who have fought for me, shopped and cooked for me, tandem-danced with me, fed me and somehow still laughs at my stupid jokes.

    No, you are the one who has suffered

    Alone

    I have become your Summer man, some days are good, “some are”(Summer) not

    It's hard not to be self-centered when it takes all my concentration just to tie my shoes.

    But, Heaven still takes my collect calls,

    “Forgive me for my sins against you” that fails miserably.

    I know that and that there is no blame...

    When “I love you” seems so inadequate…

    Idiopathic, 3 musketeer Logic

    All for one and all for one....but none for you.

    Thank you for giving me your heart, your love and your only life, entirely...

    I feel that I must be the luckiest man on the face of G-d's Earth..

    I thank G-d for all the gifts we have been given, so many wonders, so much beauty...

    And for all the great things that await us, Back to/ in the future....

    “Things just get better from here”...Michael J.

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