I have always believed that life had a purpose. We, as individuals, could learn
and grow through all the life lessons that make up our spiritual realm. With
each person we interact with, in even the smallest, briefest way, they leave
behind with us, a lesson, or an energy that we can then incorporate into our
life. I have lived confidently in the knowledge that I was growing as a
spiritual being every second of every day. My life has not always been good, but
even through the hard, lonely, and desperate times, I was taking in the energy
of others and growing stronger. In the last 5 years everything I have believed
in, lived my life by, and trusted began to fall apart. My life was about to be
altered, changed, destroyed and thrown into the
"just another random life" pile!
I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease at the age of 47. It hit me
pretty hard but I knew I could deal with it, accept it and yes even learn
something from it. A month later I was diagnosed with a rare neuromuscular
disease called Cramp Fasciculation Syndrome. Well it sounded like a "crock of
shit" to me! A rare disease, on top of another major life adjusting disease, I
mean, "what the hell is going on"! I lost my job, lost friends, lost money, even
lost a big chunk of my life to the side effect of a drug. I could no longer feel
my own light, my aura, my life line. Oh!, things got better when I met "My
Robert", he has been a bright light in my life, a swirling ball of energy that
warms my soul.
Both my parents died when they were around 60 years old. My
father of heart disease and Mom bone cancer. 2, years ago, the oldest
sibling,first born of seven, died of lung cancer at the age of 60. A year and a half ago
my brother, 4th born, had a life saving heart/kidney transplant. He is 56 and
doing extremely well. A year ago my sister, 3rd born, was found unresponsive on
the bathroom floor. She had suffered 2 severe brain bleeds. She was in a coma, on
a ventilator and basically, "not home" anymore. She was 58.I watched her light become
very dim, and then disappear!
I feel like I am in the movie, "Final Destination" and that my number
may soon be up! I know it sounds crazy but it is just the way I feel. Is it
death that is random, or life? My head is full of self defeating thoughts, and
my light. my soul, feels washed out and watered down!
I'm still looking for the light, the energy, the warmth of my conviction in a learning , growing
experience. It has just become harder to find.
Is my life now, just "A Random Life"?
I don't want to paint.
I don't want to write.
I don't want to think.
I need a shower.