My husbands son, Peter , is getting married in September and I am dreading it with every fibre of my being !!.
Why?
He and his sister Victoria see me as the wicked stepmother. I have made such efforts over the last 20 odd years to be kind and nice, I just wanted to be their friend,. When I made a blouse for my own daughter I would make one for Victoria, she would choose her own fabric and buttons and wear it to death.When peter fell and knocked out his tooth, it was me who rushed him to the dentist and saved his tooth. I bought them treats when their father had no money so they wouldn't feel left out. I don't see what else I could have done.
Their father found it difficult to set boundaries for them and so my three children had to follow all the rules but Peter and Victoria got away with everything. It caused so much bad feeling between he and I and set the children apart.
I will admit that I may have been over protective of my children but couldn't bear for them to be hurt. I just wanted them all to be treated the same, was that wrong?
Anyway, now the wedding is looming and I have to go to it. I know I will feel uncomfortable and anxious. My husbands ex wife will be there and I don't want any of them seeing me when I am anxious. The tremor and stiffness is much worse, i drag my leg and forget my words. I can't bear them to see me like that. I was always so healthy and energetic, still am unless stressed.
But what can I do?. I can't let my husband down, So I have to go, smile sweetly as always whilst being ignored and disliked and wait till it is over.
Written by
carolineb211
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To see you like what??????? GIRL YOU PUT YOUR SHOULDERS BACK...YOU HEAD UP AND YOU GO TO THAT WEDDING!!!! All families have differences and problems...but it is time to put that behind you...what happened in the past...and attend this special family affair with your pride in tact. If someone mentions your tremor...smile & say you are just so happy to be there...as you said you want to be there to be supportive of your husband & let them know that you want to show your support to the newlyweds that you wish them a wonderful future. Go with the idea that you are going to enjoy yourself....Let us now how it goes!!!!! I went to my hubby's family reunion after 25 years of not being in touch with them....now there is a story I could tell yo LOL.... Casey in NH....
Right on. They can't see us, but we'll all be there with you! Your invisible friends
My heart goes out to you caroline, but great advice from Casey, head up, shoulders back and a big deep breath. I also find that a glass or two of wine helps in these situations - don't know if anyone else notices this - I am not suggesting of course that we all turn to the bottle :)) xx
Yes go for it ,show your love and support for your husband if you tremour that shows them you have an illness and they should show you respect and compassion if they cannot do this that is there problem not yours. You should not be ashamed of your illness its not your fault you have pd. People can act oddly no matter what the situaltion life is too short. Try and enjoy , take care and a glass of wine or two sounds good advise to me xx
Did I forget to mention the wine....silly silly me LOL. I was afraid that maybe I came on too strong with my response...it came from deep within...my own feelings having been there done that <worried what others would think> it is a difficult situation but I am learning each day to say...If someone has a problem with me it's their problem not mine"....Going on best as I can each day has built my situation on a much firmer foundation....<3
I think i would try and remember a lot of people feel uncomfortable around weddings. Just be polite to those you have to. Find people who look lonely or uncomfortable and talk to them. Give attention to children. It worked for similar wedding i went to...my daughters. We have to remember its not about us its their day and they will be in their own world probably more interested in their friends.
I found it better to avoid too much conversation if nervous as my speech starts slurrring. Try to relax..escape to the loo and slow your breathing down.
I have been in your shoes some what no children of my own but 8 children of his, 6 grands, 5 great grands, and 1 ex wife with husband in tow.After 24 yrs of marriage,my husband is great he helps where he can, I still pick up the baby sitting job, takes kids to school and survive 5 weddings and a thanksgiviing together in my home. The stories abound, and I m the one with the PD, and yes they look, some don't understand and some don't care to, I always have the option that the ex goes away back to her not so perfect life, she left all the kids behind, as grand babies she nevers sees and she misses this. she told me so, And the grown kids are still snotty (5 daughters) So do your best find a dress that makes you feel wonderful, *** Stay away from the wine*****, and take the most meds you dare to take make sure you stay calm!! NO Matter what don't let anything day get the best of you, make list of repies if someone is rude say " Oh that answer is on my list??" Have fun with it all and keep thinking tomorrrow at that same time it it will all be over. The key to stay calm or it will be a bad day.It is up to you to have a great day. Good luck please write back and lets us now how it all goes..........Kadie p.s make your self useful examples: I did all the silk follows for the one daughters wedding they would not tell me the color of their mothers dress, I made 3 various color combos for the her flowers when the time came she said why 3 flowers, I answered because "It is your daughter wedding and I didn't think you'd like to look bad in the photos" She said that was nice.. I said because I m a nice person! AND YOU WILL BE THE GOOD PERSON HERE< no looking down on yourself!!
14.5 years ago I married into a family that seemed fantastic. Second marriage for both of us. I felt I was accepted fully. At the time I was an airline pilot, a resl carerre, no I am a PWP, and parts of this "wonderful" family think I am scaming the system. My wife hasn't talked to her twin sister for a few yests now, and I don't want to be around them. We visit when we have to, even though it is uncomfortable. I need to suport my wife, I am the same person, the problem is all theirs. I don't have tremors much, but have balance, slowness, memory, and speach problems. My new one is saliva, not sure if I just don't swallow or what, but certian words get a bit........wet. with luck I'll be drawn into a discussion with one of them. I quess I'm saying is when we look inside at others, we all have problems, we can take our meds, what is their excuse.
Caroline! You are extraordinary. You are a spiritual teacher. Your presence
at your step-son's wedding is important for all the guests to see you as WHO you are not WHAT you are. My husband has experienced the symptoms of PD for almost 30 years. He and I have a blended family, his three are older than my four, so they did not grow up together. But, today all those children, grandchildren, ex-spouses, friends and neighbors watch and learn from the way he walks and the effort he puts forth to enunciate. They admire him for his successes and his courage to proudly show up and demonstrate his current strategies as he deals with the stages of PD. Dance at the wedding!
Your presence at the wedding is important. You helped raise the children through their parent's divorce and created a new family with your children. Every family has personality conflicts, just wear a beautiful dress and smile, there will be lots of cameras!
Caroline. Be proud of who you are and as Parkinsons is part of you people will just have to understand that you may have a few problems, but it is what you have done for these children and not Parkinsons which makes you the person you are.
My daughter was in a similar situation with two stepchildren and a husband who offered her no support. She did not have your strength and could not cope with the situation. She now has a daughter from her marriage but no contact with her ex or his family at all. Things could have been so different, especially for her daughter. I am sure you have had many happy times and I only hope your stepchildren remember these at the wedding. If not you have nothing to reproach yourself for. Unfortunately, some people never appreciate what they have. Enjoy the day, with or without your tremor. You have as much right as anyone to be there. Knock them dead!!
Just realised I hadn't replied to you all. Thank you so much for your reassurance, believe me it helped!!
The wedding went off without a hitch and I think my husband found it more uncomfortable than I did as his ex-wife was there, insisting on talking to him. !!!
The other guests were lovely and I didn't feel ignored at all. Peter and Victoria were too busy to worry about whether I was there or not.
Thank you again for your support, this site is invaluable !!
Caroline.
P.S. My own daughter is getting married in June, I am walking her down the aisle and giving a speech OMG !!!!!!! help !. So looking forwards to it (It is costing me a fortune) but just know PD will be on full display for my whole family to see for the first time. ( not normally stressed around them) I just hope it doesn't freak them out.
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