Can't Catch My Breath

I"m scared and I worry all the time. It wears on me. Every morning when I wake I don't know how I'm going to feel, how my body will react to what I ask it to do,or if today I'll find a new symptom. I am all wrapped up in myself, in how I feel, in what I can do to make myself feel more normal. How selfish and ungrateful am I. My Robert has been sick for a couple of weeks now, chills, sweating, coughing, exhaustion. He won't go to a doctor, he's treating himself, not working out too well for him. he worries me, he's never sick. He is one of those people who are always going. Robert works a full time job during the day and at night he does janitorial work, he owns his own company. When he's home we are together just spending the time enjoying each other. Robert has not left the bed all day today. He is grumpy and cursing a lot. I've no doubt he'll get better but it made me think about loosing him and how lost and lonely I would be without him.I am so dependent on him. He is my rock, my best friend, my sounding board and when it's really bad he's my whipping post. My head is spinning and I can't catch my breath , the tears are falling so fast I can no longer see because the thought of ever loosing My Robert just rips at my soul and I think it's time to end this blog and lay down next to him in the bed and tell him just how much I love him.

Jupiterjane

20 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I hope you had a good cuddle. I often feel as you do, so my heart is with you.

  • Hi

    I know exactly how you feel and am afraid we can't control our thoughts especially when we are unwell ourselves. At the moment, I am lucky in that I am reasonably independent but know I may not always be this way.

    You have every reason to feel low and must just cling on to the fact that your husband will get better and things will improve. As I am sure they will.

    Give him lots of hugs as love is the best medicine and we can't have too much of it.

    Hope he is better soon.

    Sue

  • hI JANE

    i agree

    lot sof hugs and cuddles are so important for everyone whether sick or well

    lol JIll

    ;-)

  • Hope things will improve for you, you are in love with your Robert and I am sure he knows this but as a carer when we are ill its very difficult not to be upset with how life treats us all. A prayer for strength for you both on the way, xxxx

  • cant you call a dr to come to see him ? I owuld be so worried if it were fred

  • You both need to see your doctors! You for the shortness of breath/anxiety! And your husband! Two weeks is two long! You said he did see his doctor, I thought? Did he give him anything? If he did it's not working and he should see him again! Hope and pray this works out for both of you!

  • He refuses to see a doctor! I already have seen one and have received something for anxiety. He seems a bit better today, he's up and about any way

  • Thank You JupiterJane! Happy that he's better! Can I ask why you refuse treatment for anxiety? It is part of PD and stress effects every other part of your body! I hope and pray that you have a great day together!

  • I did not nor could I ever refuse treatment for what ails me because I would be forced to go. I am taking something for my anxiety,(Ativan) but Robert just does not like Dr's so...

  • Hope Robert gets well soon. TLC by you will really help as we all know. :-) Take care Jane.

  • Enjoy the day...

  • I'm sorry I misread your post! I hope you have a great day!

  • Hope and pray things are a little better for you this coming week, keep in touch xx

  • I too have a wonderful husband whom I love with all my heart. We are very blessed to have a loving and supportive husbands. My husband is my rock. Our two daughters feel the same. He is always the strong one in our family.....he is very nurturing and we all turn to him first in times of crisis. As we age (he is 54 I am 52), I often think about how my life would fall apart if he left this world first. I must remind myself that I may become the strong one if his health declines in some way. Though I have many things to complain about, I try to push the negative thoughts away and count my blessings. Hang in there and try to relax.

  • You have to be strong someone once told me worrying does not change anything, today might be a really good day if you think positive. Exercize is good for anxiety and Parkinsons promise yourself you will exercise today and smile. I know you will feel better. Good Luck

  • You have to be strong someone once told me worrying does not change anything, today might be a really good day if you think positive. Exercize is good for anxiety and Parkinsons promise yourself you will exercise today and smile. I know you will feel better. Good Luck

  • You have to be strong someone once told me worrying does not change anything, today might be a really good day if you think positive. Exercize is good for anxiety and Parkinsons promise yourself you will exercise today and smile. I know you will feel better. Good Luck

  • TRY TO BE POSITIVE AND DONT PANIC MEDITATION IS A GREAT HELPER

  • "Worry is an expenditure of valuable energy." We need all the energy we can get so tell that voice of panic to stay away from your head.Some times it works. WHen a negative thought enters my mind and tries to control me I picture it in the form of a soccer ball and kick it good and hard. Its called visualization and it works. I also agree that deep breathing exercises and meditation help a great deal.It is hard to take deep breathes and blow out the bad air and then challenge your mind to clear itself of anything and everything. GO outside and just listen to the out of doors.Exclude any sounds that don't belong to nature. ITs a tough game but when you do accomplish it, you will learn to relax and be the master of your own thoughts. Let go! I wish you good luck and lots of peace.

  • Thanks to all for their good wishes and spirited ideas on how to stay strong.I have been a strong and independent woman my entire life. It took me a very, very long time to let my guard down and allow any one to help me in any way. Robert came along and all my walls came down and I allowed myself to feel vulnerable. I no longer had to pretend that I could handle this crazy, unpredictable disease all alone, I now had someone to help carry my load. To see my strong, smart and loyal Robert so sick was hard, It just brought my world to a screeching halt. I never once thought Robert might die before me. I cannot bear the thought of loosing him...

    Robert is much better and seems to be on track for a full recovery! I do think, however , that his stubborn ways of refusing to see a doctor, will kill him one day...

You may also like...