I"m scared and I worry all the time. It wears on me. Every morning when I wake I don't know how I'm going to feel, how my body will react to what I ask it to do,or if today I'll find a new symptom. I am all wrapped up in myself, in how I feel, in what I can do to make myself feel more normal. How selfish and ungrateful am I. My Robert has been sick for a couple of weeks now, chills, sweating, coughing, exhaustion. He won't go to a doctor, he's treating himself, not working out too well for him. he worries me, he's never sick. He is one of those people who are always going. Robert works a full time job during the day and at night he does janitorial work, he owns his own company. When he's home we are together just spending the time enjoying each other. Robert has not left the bed all day today. He is grumpy and cursing a lot. I've no doubt he'll get better but it made me think about loosing him and how lost and lonely I would be without him.I am so dependent on him. He is my rock, my best friend, my sounding board and when it's really bad he's my whipping post. My head is spinning and I can't catch my breath , the tears are falling so fast I can no longer see because the thought of ever loosing My Robert just rips at my soul and I think it's time to end this blog and lay down next to him in the bed and tell him just how much I love him.