What Makes You Stay?

What makes you

love me?

Why do you stay?

Life with me can be

Shocking,

painful

and misguided.

My mind closes down

At the most inappropriate

Moments,

leaving me

Lost out there,

with no clue of

What I need to say

Or not to say.

I am wandering

Unable to find

My way home.

I am impulsive

And my need to

Do what should

Be done

When I think of it

Makes you crazy,

But my mind

Will forget

and recall

May not happen

So then it does

Not get done

Which makes

You crazy also.

Do you know what

Gets me?

This is forever…

My life has been

Altered permanently

And I, I had

No say in the

Direction I

Was going.

This road I’m on

Is fucked up!

Its bumpy,

Unrelenting path

Has me so

Incredibly

Frustrated

With no where

To vent,

To spew through

Whatever words

I can utter,

The truth of

My life

Is now lost in the

Short circuited

Electrical energy

Of my brain.

I see before me

My best friend,

My Lover,

my confidant,

my strength

Still here,

Arms opened wide,

Heart full of passion

Accepting me with

All my faults

Which are numerous

And growing.

Why do you

Love me?

Why do you stay?

My heart cries out

Its love for you,

But you can’t

hear it.

My soul speaks

To you,

My joy,

My contentment,

But my words

My words don’t

Seem to

Reach you,

they are caught up

In the labyrinth of

A diseased mind

Constantly seeking

Their way home

To you.

Jupiterjane

16 Replies

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  • Well said Jane

    Lol Jill

    :-)

  • I know.

  • Because you are you x How lovely

  • As Carrigan says you are you, such a special person and It is a priviledge to read your thoughts. Please continue to share them.

    Sue

  • You are so lucky to have someone to vent with. Sometimes I feel so alone.

  • Larry,

    I was alone,by choice, a long, long time. After becoming ill my life fell apart around me. As I began to take stock of what was left of my life the emptiness was overwhelming. I wanted to feel love again and I knew the only way was to open up my heart. The fear of being hurt was strong but I had to take a chance. It did not take long to find Robert. It was almost as if the universe had plans for us. Robert loves me in spite of the diseases I bring to our lives. He makes me stronger.

    I wish, you too, could find love...

  • You are a beautiful soul and and that part of you is unaffected and only knows love....love attracts love...

  • Jane,

    Your poetry often moves me and today's is not exception. I have lived alone since about 1993 -- by choice -- and I'm not a person for whom loneliness is a problem. Yes, there are times I feel lonely, but it passes fairly quickly.

    That said, I would like to be in a relationship to have someone to do things with and have found it VERY difficult to find anyone. I've been on some computer dating sites for years w/o success. It usually goes pretty well until I reveal my PD "secret", then they head for their closets and get out and lace up their track shoes.

    How did you find your guy? He sounds like a gem!! Are you in the US? I'm about 30 mi south of DC.

    Anyway, PLEASE keep up your writing... it helps more than you know.

    George

  • George,

    I found "My Robert" on a dating web site called Okcupid.com It was the 3rd site I had tried. I revealed my illness from the start. I put it in every story about myself, explaining that just because I was ill doesn't mean I don't deserve to find Love. I think if you are honest from the get go it makes you all the more appealing. I met a lot of wonderful people on this site who remain friend to this day. After years of being a strong and independent woman my illnesses revealed that I was ready to fall in love again. I want to end my life with the man who was brave enough to love me and strong enough to stay. I'm hoping for a long relationship, I have a lot of love to give...

    Keep your heart open, My Friend!

    I live in Springfield, Missouri

  • Thanks for responding, Jane. I have been on Match.com for a long time (way tooooo long!) and for the past yr or so on POF.com (Plenty Of Fish)... which is a free site but definitely lacks the sophistication of match.

    I've usually opened up about my PD after the first email or two and have only had one person not run for her life.

    Sigh. Keep on plugin', eh? I'll look into okcupid... and, as I said, please keep on writing,

    George

  • George, I don't care how old you are or if your rich or poor, and just because you are ill doesn't mean you should stop living. Anybody, anybody, can get sick or be in a terrible accident and be disfigured, or break their neck in a swimming pool, it doesn't mean they have to live without love. But you have to ready and open for love no matter what shape you're in. Open your heart...

  • I am definitely ready and the "open" sign is in the window (meaning my heart is open and ready for love)... but, so far, I'm not getting any customers in the "shop". lol But thanks for your encouraging words... PD may have me down, but I def have not given up.

  • JupiterJane...You have done it again. Wonderful poem expressing your thoughts, as well as so many of those with PD. Please keep on writing.

  • Thank You...

    Please keep writing your beautiful poetry.

    It speaks for us.

  • this is a truly special love poem

    and it is an emotional one- shared by the friends of

    those who suffer - usually when not seen by others

    who love them!

    Ii admire and am just awed by the care you give,and freely

    without question you show the depth of your love for me.

  • thank you how i wish that is what i could say is my husband, what he sees and thinks u are so lucky and blessed, it is terrible to be with someone and yet so very alone

    please keep your poetry and writings coming this i truly Gods gift too you

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