As much of me as can be

[chrismw]

I’ve put you behind me

I pretend you are not here

with me

inside me

as much of me as you can be

I push you in front of me

my baneful banner of all

that is wrong

with me

inside me

as much of me as you can be

I scream

Take it! Take it!

This thing that is

with me

inside me

as much of me as can be

I weep

I rage

I suffer

with me

inside me

as you take as much of me as can be

I dream

of this life

before you

without you

I wonder

in silent dread

how long before you are all of me

[shasha]

fantsticaly sad piece

[tlongmire]

So sad and thought provoking.

[PatV]

DO you actually feel and express these feelings out loud? I ask because I "know" I am hurt and angry and when I am stressed I feel it as dystonia in thigh and ab. But I do not FEEL. I can cry tears once in a blue moon and thank goodness I can laugh. Are you getting it out on paper only? Am I a pwp freak? love from NYC

[chrismw in reply to PatV]

Hi PatV-- Verbally I'm pretty stoic I suppose. Mostly my outlet for any emotional demon is writing.

Stress wise I too feel it with increased dystonia in my hands and my speech gets much worse.

When you say you don't feel I'm not sure what you mean? Intellectually you recognize you are hurt and angry, but you don't feel a emotional response?

I cry once in a while--but I don't feel "good" after a cry--I feel swollen, puffy and full of snot!! But I laugh a lot about this monster pd, too.

If you're a pwp freak I'm delighted to meet you and call you my friend.

Love from KC

Chris

[PatV]

Right I don't feel emo as my granddaughter says. Probly a good thing! Thanks, Chris

[chrismw in reply to PatV]

Ah well- all emo for you in my poems!

[DeParkiePoet]

It will never be all of you!! You are a poetry warrior, and for that I give thanks...

This is something I wrote about 2 weeks ago (the first piece I've written in about a year)

When the sun shines I enjoy it

When the rain falls I employ it

When the wind howls I hold tighter

When thunder growls are you a fighter?

My answer yells yes yes always yes, I am

For I am the Winter Leaf, shaking, my fist

And I do well remember the summer's warmth

Children's laughter, lover's kisses

And yes, yes always yes, your sweet smile

For I am the Winter Leaf

holding on for dear life