a horse walks into a pub and asks for a pint of bitter the landlord says why the long face.
i've just come back from the pub i had a game of snooker with my russian friend you might know him he's called inoff the red.
while i was there one of my mates asked if i wanted a game of dominoes i said yes and sat down at the table were he proceeded to pull out of his bag a set of diamond encrusted dominoes i kid you not they were amazing anyway we started to play, but im ashamed to say greed got the better of me and i put one in my pocket only to find when i got home and looked at my ill gotten gains i'd only gone and nicked the double blank.
i did have a bit of luck though let me explain.....i was in the pub last week when this man came up to me and asked if i wanted to buy 3 homing pigeons he had in the back of his van well i jumped at the chance as i've always fancied owning some the trouble was when i got them home i let them out for some exercise and that was the last i saw of them but heres the lucky bit the same bloke was in the pub again today and he sold me another 3 pigeons he had in his van .........how lucky was that
while i was walking home from the pub i saw this man looking under the bonnet of his car i said to him everything ok he said no piston broke...........i said join the club mate so am i....
i woke up next morning to a knock on the door i knew it was the mother in law...because the mice were throwing themselves on the traps. i opened the door to a torrential downpour and i said dont stand there getting wet .......go home.
i dont suppose she's all bad why only the other day she paid me a complement ...she said i was a perfect idiot.
a rag and bone man called at her house the other day and asked if she had any beer bottles do i look like i drink beer she said in disgust the man looked at her and said so do you have any vinegar bottles? ,