Keeping Me Alive

I am finding it

Harder

To gather

All the words

In my head

Enabling them

To form

a sentence,

A phrase,

A thought,

That will be

Coherent so that

You will understand

How I feel.

It seems everyday

Is different

My words need

To change,

To express

My mood,

My pain,

My level

Of coordination.

But most of the time

I just feel

It building.

The fear, the doubt

The uncontrollable

Urge to bolt,

And run, run

As fast as I can

Away from this

Painful life.

I look frantically

For my release,

I hear myself

Say, “I’m fine”.

You look at me

And shake

Your head.

“tell me Baby”

“just tell me”,

You say.

But I know

It will take

Too long,

Your day,

Too busy,

My thoughts

Too jumbled.

“Later”, I say,

But we both know

It won’t happen.

Life is too fast

For me anymore.

I can’t keep up,

I just want to retreat

Into my own

Safe world,

But you won’t

Let me.

Loving me enough

To keep me

Connected.

Pushing me out,

Out into

This world,

Keeping me alive.

Keeping me alive.

Jupiterjane

1 Reply

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  • Jane

    I know my love

    I can't give up

    they need the little of me that is left

    I trite-write, i know it's shite, but it's all I have to give

    tears rolled down in rivulets as I read your words expressing my losses

    my heart, my sweet fun-loving heart, is shrinking too

    when it takes all my juice to tie my shoe, there is little left to love you

    True you are the orange and I am but rind and when I search for me i find

    pain and anger overflowing, how much longer can I keep going?

    to the end of my days I guess, my grandkids need their slowpa grandpa.

    so I suffer along for them, living as best I can in misery, without sleep, money or without hope , no never without hope! It's all I have

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