I am finding it
Harder
To gather
All the words
In my head
Enabling them
To form
a sentence,
A phrase,
A thought,
That will be
Coherent so that
You will understand
How I feel.
It seems everyday
Is different
My words need
To change,
To express
My mood,
My pain,
My level
Of coordination.
But most of the time
I just feel
It building.
The fear, the doubt
The uncontrollable
Urge to bolt,
And run, run
As fast as I can
Away from this
Painful life.
I look frantically
For my release,
I hear myself
Say, “I’m fine”.
You look at me
And shake
Your head.
“tell me Baby”
“just tell me”,
You say.
But I know
It will take
Too long,
Your day,
Too busy,
My thoughts
Too jumbled.
“Later”, I say,
But we both know
It won’t happen.
Life is too fast
For me anymore.
I can’t keep up,
I just want to retreat
Into my own
Safe world,
But you won’t
Let me.
Loving me enough
To keep me
Connected.
Pushing me out,
Out into
This world,
Keeping me alive.
Keeping me alive.
Jupiterjane
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Jane
I know my love
I can't give up
they need the little of me that is left
I trite-write, i know it's shite, but it's all I have to give
tears rolled down in rivulets as I read your words expressing my losses
my heart, my sweet fun-loving heart, is shrinking too
when it takes all my juice to tie my shoe, there is little left to love you
True you are the orange and I am but rind and when I search for me i find
pain and anger overflowing, how much longer can I keep going?
to the end of my days I guess, my grandkids need their slowpa grandpa.
so I suffer along for them, living as best I can in misery, without sleep, money or without hope , no never without hope! It's all I have
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