On Tuesday I meet my neurologist. Last time was in August. I know the special feeling returns to me when I ride the elevator to the eighth floor, where medical staff have their offices. The same feeling every time. The P has ben a little bit worse all the time. I have to hold up my arms and he will look at how much I shake, walk up and down the corridor to see how much P-movement I have. I like my doctor and get good help from him but this feeling of being sick makes me helpless. When I stand there in the elevator going up to the eighth floor I'm the most lonely man in the world and I feel scared like a baby even though I know I should not be. It´s like living with a bomb inside my body.