The Silence between Us

[jupiterjane]

I awake in a panic

with my heart

in my throat.

Gasping for air,

my mind searching

for answers.

I feel like I'm

moving in circles,

unable to stop

and getting nowhere.

The heavy door

that protects me from

all my worries

has burst wide open,

releasing

and overwhelming me

with all those things

I am afraid of.

I hate my pain

the physical and

the emotional.

It is an all consuming,

life altering waste

of precious time.

It steals away my life

and derails my future.

Every day I die a little.

I can't seem to clear out

these clouds of dread.

My family doesn't

understand why I can't

"shake it off"

and go on.

I can't explain it.

A silence grows

between us.

A growing disease of

"Lovedoneitus" and

the building intolerance

of chronic pain.

Another pill added

to an already full

medication ritual

just dulls my already

altered mind.

The anxiety returns.

My heart beats wildly

and theres a gnawing,

rolling sensation in the

pit of my stomach.

My mouth is dry,

and my words have

no voice.

It's all around me,

there's no place to run.

I curl up into a ball

and rock.

Silently I cry.

Jupiterjane

[jupiterjane]

I have been suffering from anxiety/panic attacks for some time. I am working through them now without meds, which was my choice, and am doing so much better. Still hate that feeling I get in the pit of my stomach...

[cabbagecottage]

For many many years I suffered from anxiety/panic/ attacks , it took over my life . It caused me to be Agoraphobic . I was housebound for 20 years .

One day while watching the TV a lunchtime programme called PEBBLE MILL came on ,

and for a few weeks an Australian doctor her name was Claire Weekes .

She started showing how to cope with using breathing exercises , I thought she was talking to , and about ME . I couldn't wait for her to come back the following week .

I was devastated when she finished . So I got my husband to pick up the books she had written from the library .

It really did turn my life around , she died a long time ago but I am forever grateful to her .

She taught me the way forward.

Now I do know my case is very different to yours . My husband has Parkinsons and is quite poorly . Maybe if you read her books it might help you cope at least with the panic/anxiety that goes will your illness I do hope so .

In fact I use her method to help me cope with my husband and show him the way to do it himself .

There are NO DRUGS involved whis is a bonus ..

You can also buy her books and get the tapes . or at least they use to be available .

SELF HELP FOR NERVES BY DR CLAIRE WEEKES IS ONE OF THEM . NOT SURE IF IT IS WEEKS OR WEEKES . ( IT IS A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE NEEDED TO READ THEM ) Good luck

[jupiterjane in reply to cabbagecottage]

Thank You for all the wonderful information. I have done meditation and yoga for years so I am using a lot of the techniques from that practice to help me get through the anxiety attacks. They are getting to be less frequent. I tried medication for a couple of months but I just didn't like the way my head was feeling while on the medication. I just felt disconnected. Off the head meds now and doing much better.

Jupiterjane

[cabbagecottage]

Well done with coming ff the medication . That was the way I did it . I had it at a time when they were giving them out like sweets !! . Those techniques do work don't they Jupiter jane .

It is so much better if you can manage to find your own way around it . Once you get the practice , and when next you need it you have the crutch in your hands . best wishes