I am one of the lucky ones amongst us ... PWP... but I am stuck in a rut of depression I can't shake.
Dx'd (diagnosed) when I was 30, married with 2 kids. At the time I was traveling the world and racing ahead in my career. I thought all was well. In 2003 I ran a marathon by 2006 and Dx'd I couldn't get out of bed. Central rigidity was my main challenge.
From 2006 - 2010 was a story unto itself. So much for the slow progression with young onsets; by 2010, I was getting standardized assessment scores equivalent to those of 70-75 y.o patients with 15 years of disease history. We found a great doc at OSU Medical Center in Columbus OH USA, Dr. Rezai. Did a bilateral DBS within 4months of our first visit. I thought then as I do now that this man was a hero and my saviour. The surgery que for Rezai was in 2010 2 years, it is now 3-4.
Placement occurred in April 2011. I had amazing results. Near resolution of both my motor and many of my non-motor symptoms. In a strange way this was a curse as I had to revisit a period of disease denial. Despite all this luck I developed a non healing scare and 4 weeks ago today Dr Rezai removed his gift. Only one side, but the side that controlled my worst side.
Since removal life has been tough. Readjusting to meds. 3 weeks of IV antibiotics. I am now hopefully going back in for re-implantation in early April. Again luck and good fortune. I have turned to my Facebook network to get well wishing and expand my support team. I had people from my early childhood sending me messages of support. I am so lucky........
...... I just can't work out why I can't' quit being so sad....
Not sad for myself. Just down. Cymbalta can't kick it, so we added Seroquel. Not working. I am taking my family on vacation in ~10days but I just feel awful both guilty for what I am lucky enough to have and mad for what I don't. I am starting to feel trapped.
I just can't shake it. Why??? Bloody Parkinson's Disease.