AFTER PONDERING 4MCBFAMILY question on the couples future, and noticing that women are loyal but for the men loyalty stands in question. I am asking those spouse's who take care of loved ones with Parkinson's to give us Parkies some rules. What can we do to make your life happier ,less stressful , tolerable, and full filling. If there are men caretakers out there the women would love to here from your side.

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  • OK it looks like I will be the first. I asked my wife what could I do to make our relationship stronger. She replied that if I was more open to doing things. I told her that only the person with Parkinson's knows what he or she is comfortable with. Upon further discussion, we came to the conclusion that it is extremely common for us Parkies to focus on the bad at the expense of the good. For example you had a great vacation but a terrible plane flight home and now you don't want to travel. She asked that I weigh the good with the bad when considering event planning.

  • I keep trying to answer this but I find it difficult to phrase things tactfully when my words are in black and white.

  • I have that issue too. That's why I love the edit button.

  • As a caregiver wife, I recommend keeping PD from becoming the main course on the menu, since constantly discussing symptoms, doctors and cures means that there is no room on the table for caregiver, as a person, essentially excluding your partner from the conversation. Also try to have patience and acceptance that caregiver cannot make Parkie's life perfect, do as much as you can for yourself, even if it is hard, and allow caregiver to have space and time to live his/her own body's reality without PD. Within reason, this can be as simple as waiting to ask for something until caregiver is available, avoid calling from another room, keep a notepad to jot down things you need so CG can finish an activity uninterrupted.

  • So let me get this straight, be open to suggestions on vacations or dates, and let the care giving wife have some sort of a life of their own and don't become the Bob Sagat Turrets Guy. Are there any other suggestions, because I can do that.

  • Ask for help when you need it and don't struggle on needlessly. Try to remember that sometimes PWP get cross when help is offered and sometimes they get cross if help is not offered. We are partners, not mind readers.

  • That's a fantastic response. There are Parkies that don't want to be labeled and feel like they should do everything their selves and those who like to be waited on. And there are times I fit into both categories. I just remember that I should not bark at those who are trying to help.

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