Address the balance

Like a thief in the night Parkinson's steals bit by bit pieces of you. Starting with small increments until one day those are paled by big chunks. I have managed for 13 years being nibbled, now things have changed.

In 2013 I went to help my Dad live out his final months, a promise I made many years earlier. He was as bright as a button in a 89 year old body. As his old age started to wind his body down he could no longer get out of his chair, or move in bed or walk unaided. His death was ultimately very peaceful, he went to sleep on my words 'we love you Dad' and he didn't wake up.

I am now living with déjà vu as I am mirroring him physically at 52. There is one big difference I am not, and don't intend to leave this world yet. So I need to be smart about this. If I get frustrated I'll get sad. If I stop doing things it will evoke my biggest fear boredom.

There are times now when I can't paint or write, times when I can't drum or dance. A life emptying in front of my eyes. Perhaps.

However, it's not that difficult, happiness remains an elective choice. My ears still work, my eyes still work, and those who know me well will know there is nothing stopping me talking ! Most importantly of all I still have the ability to think. I have years of joy inside my head. It's a warm, safe, lovely place. It's my home, and isn't that all that matters.

I'm going to continue my life forgetting about loss and thinking about gain. Sharing with those I dearly love.

I turned to my husband whilst we watched a re-run of Morecome & Wise on the iPad in bed at 9pm on a Friday night and said ' I think I'm turning into my Dad ' he replied ' and what a fine man he was too '


15 Replies

  • CCH,

    What an extraordinary writer you are that can move me to tears! I admire your strength and courage to remain so positive. At the moment I am in my "off state". Rigid I am waiting for relief!

    Thank you for your inspiring post. You have made my day!

    Blessings to you and yours from "across the pond"!

  • Thank you :-)

  • You will have a rich life as long as you have your extraordinary abilities to communicate. For me the challenge is to lose without suffering each loss. To quote Janis Joplin.... Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose.

  • Great JJ line :-)

  • that was written by Kris Kristofferson

  • Such a lovely post. Thank you.

  • Thank you

  • For your re-leaf in mind please go to brahmakumaris website and read there view about devine life and lit ion thoughts about soul and god by mp3 and see vedio posted in the sites and youtube


  • Thank you but I only subscribe to one faith, in myself

  • I loved your post Just recently I went to the beach with my brother ( I live on the west coast of Florida- and what a lovely place it is too-) to blend my departed mothers' ashes with the Gulf with the hope that she/they might make it back to Ireland via the gulf stream. I was unable to move when I tried to throw her ashes into the water, so my brother did the deed. But I seemed to lose a large slice of me in the process, sort of being nibbled to death by ducks then chunked by an alligator. I witnessed my brother cry for the first time in many many years! I seem to be shutting down services I took for granted, such as turning over in bed! Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that I liked your words...

  • Thank you it's very much appreciated

  • Your words are lovely and thought provoking, as usual. I am so happy for you that you are enjoying your new home. Thanks for sharing. You always make me want to be more positive. Happy Holidays.

  • Thank you 🌲☃🌲

  • You never cease to amaze me and brighten up my day. I wish I knew how you manage, for the most part, to keep such a positive attitude. I try, I really do, but things impinge on my life and it is getting harder to pick myself up. At the moment my three grandchildren keep me fighting. My three year old grandson 'pulls' me out of a chair. He says are you stuck again Nanna. Let me help you. How lucky am I to have such a helper. These small things keep me motivated. The innocence of these children do not allow me to wallow in self pity , which would be easy' I know, but to fight on. Please continue to post your words of wisdom. I so look forward to your posts.


  • Thanks Sue have a merry Xmas

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