UNDONE

This Damn Void,

white, glaring,

incredibly terrifying

invades my body,

turns my stomach,

quickens my heart,

peeling back layers of my soul,

exposing me,

imposing on me

demands my ailing brain

tries desperately to control.

I know to some they

are just words, but to me

these words,

my words

once eased readily on to

crisp, white paper,

the letters, black,

strong,

assured

now struggle to get past

my own comprehension

and the cadance

that for so long

expressed the poetry

of my heart

is now often quiet

the silence it brings

maddening.

Jupiterjane

23 Replies

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  • Great to see you post, I thought you were gone.

  • Thanks for the nudge, My Friend!

  • WOW JupiterJane! Is that your own writing??? If so, you certainly aren't lacking in talent for powerful self-expression. I suspect your graceful verse sums it all up for many of us - thanks for posting :)

  • Thanks metacognito, i appreciate your kind words!

  • Brilliant writing but scary. Sounds like you are still in dark place but so glad to see you back sharing with us xxxx

  • My writing reflect the feelings I find hard to say aloud. I am in a constant battle to find meaning in this life that I now live.

  • Finding meaning is our lifelong work, (for all of us), except an illness makes this task more pressing. Especially fortunate are those, who like you, find meaning and purpose in something like poetry. Bill Moyers used to do lots of programs on poetry and poets and wrote a book on poetry called, The Language of Life. And indeed it is.

    I think writing, poetry, prose, journal writing is very helpful. Research shows that just writing how you feel each day, the good the bad, the ugly things we don't want to say to another but yet need to be expressed somehow), helps us regulate our mood and give us a sense of competency that can carry over into taking care of ourselves.

    Keep writing, sister!!

  • Thank You, quirkyme, for your inspiring words!

  • You have a unique talent in being able to express feeling in this way. i was so happy to see you back because we need people like yourself. I frequently visit your profile to re read your poetry so please stay with us. I only wish I could reply along the lines of Henderson Heywood ( another inspiring and very creative writer ) whom I follow. You both express your struggle in very different ways but reading between the lines, the battle is the same one we all share in.

  • I have always expressed myself through poetry, the words pouring out of me like blood from large ,jagged cuts. For the past year I feel like there is tourniquet around my brain, squeezing, chocking my thoughts, my words, my feelings. I feel lost.

  • Hi.poetry is a great way to use it

  • I'm so sorry you feel lost, JJane. Your poetry is extraordinarily powerful. You are gifted. One of the things I'm struggling with is that I didn't expect to face these things for the rest of my life. It's all very hard to accept. There really aren't easy words for it. No wonder they don't come fluently, let alone the dopamine problem.

  • Great poetry!

  • SORRY FOR POSTIG IT TWICE-ANOTHER OF MINE--

    THE NATURE OF THE BEAST

    The Monster on My Back--

    No one knows unless they have encountered it

    Faced it,

    Head on

    Staring straight - no let up

    Eyes red green clear no eyes

    A real life monster

    Hissing growls silently in every corner every nook every cranny

    of my life

    Reminding me of it's strength

    Is it time then??

    the tick-tock?

    I think not

    For every tick and every tock

    I am stronger

    ?I?

    eye to eye

    Stand tall

    trembling

    straight, strong

    upright

    The Warrior

    Running forward

    My mantra?..

    heard by day

    eyes, open by nite

    Resounding

    Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

    Bring It On!

    nasg 7/12/12

  • Thanks!

  • Thanks!

  • WOW POWERFUL!! One of mine---

    TODAY I WOKE UP BEFORE THE TREMOR

    This morning I awoke, quietly

    without the tremor—

    I forgot it was sleeping still

    I forgot that I was still.

    Quiet, no notice, no alarm

    Just woke up and I was alone and strong

    And the tremor slept

    While I moved around the house unsuspectingly, unaware of its absence

    I almost forgot about it

    Steadily handling my world, my keyboard, my hand things as if it were always just like this

    Still

    And, I remembered the Still-Just like this

    Paying it no mind

    I quietly, forgot

    I Am Still

    NS 9/27/2006

  • Great poems! I am happy to see you are still strong and optimistic!

  • THE DBS SURGERY HAS HELPED WITH BOTH MY STRENGTH & OPTOMISM!!!

  • BRILLIANTLY DONE--ONEOF MINE

    TODAY I WOKE UP BEFORE THE TREMOR

    This morning I awoke, quietly

    without the tremor—

    I forgot it was sleeping still

    I forgot that I was still.

    Quiet, no notice, no alarm

    Just woke up and I was alone and strong

    And the tremor slept

    While I moved around the house unsuspectingly, unaware of its absence

    I almost forgot about it

    Steadily handling my world, my keyboard, my hand things as if it were always just like this

    Still

    And, I remembered the Still-Just like this

    Paying it no mind

    I quietly, forgot

    I Am Still

    NS 9/27/2006

  • Great!

  • You may have PD, Jupiterjane, but you are a wonderful poet. LOVE it! Thank you!

  • Thank You!

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