Cracking the Valentine's Day Code

Cracking the Valentine's Day Code

A lot of people, both men and women, think Valentine’s Day is kind of a silly holiday, designed by corporations to make you buy their stuff. Love and romance should be expressed every day, and you shouldn’t have to spend gobs of money to do it. Yet one of the burning questions men who have been in a long-term relationship face is what to give a woman who says: “I don’t want anything for Valentine’s Day.”

Plenty of advice gurus will tell you that this is a trap and that a woman who says this doesn’t mean it. And plenty of men have had experiences that bear this advice out. They’ll tell you how they didn’t get anything for the lady in their life who said she didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, and how they got a cold shoulder in return. And they’ll tell you how she then registered disappointment but tried to passively aggressively hide it.

So what is the deal? Are women a bunch of liars who like to trap and play games with their men? Well, sadly, yes, some of them do. But in the majority of cases the conflict arises from men and women interpreting “anything” differently.

When a man hears a woman say she doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, he hears, “I want nothing.” But this isn’t the correct interpretation. So what does it mean?

When a woman says she does not want anything for Valentine’s Day it means she does not want a giant teddy bear, magnetic teddy bears that kiss, or any manner of teddy bear. It means she doesn’t expect you to wake her up with a diamond heart shaped pendant. She does not want a fancy dinner, gourmet chocolates, or a gift certificate for a day at the spa. She doesn’t want any of the things that corporations hawk this time of year. What does she want? A love note and flowers.

But wait you say, aren’t love notes and flowers “something?” Not to a woman they aren’t. They are so rudimentary as to not constitute “anything.” For example, you may want to buy something but refrain and say “I don’t have any money.” Of course you have some money, but not enough for your something to constitute anything. A love note and flowers are minimum gestures that are expected. Like brushing your teeth or showering.

So what the woman in your life really wants when she says she wants nothing, is an acknowledgment that you love her and are thinking about her. In many cases simply a love note, sans flowers, will do. Just make sure the note says mushy things you don’t normally say and you’re golden

And remember, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. She may not want anything, but something is always better than nothing.

12 Replies

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  • Aye,,, Alsh,,,you've cracked it there,,its true!!!

    I hope all you gentlemen take heed of this well written story,,because if you do life will be so much easier, & remember to thank Alsh on the day after Valentines....

  • Right on, Al.

    A woman wants to know that her guy is still in love with her. It doesn't take much, just recognizing the place that she holds in your life. And mushy isn't necessary. Making something special for breakfast that she likes or fixing that broken door bell would work.. Or a few extra smiles thrown her way.

    And tell her she looks nice. At least once a year.

    The rest of us will be at the Valentine's Day party here on line.

    Jill

  • hi al

    absolutely!

    except itm is my partner (a man() who SAYS he does not want anyhtign for xmas birthday or valentines day

    yet he really does need to be shown love in a practical way

    (v difficult when i cannot cook for him clean for him etc etc)

    but we r movign in together which means great news

    he on 14 feb me at end of feb

    love jill

    and i am pracitsing the table dancing already

    :-)

  • Congratulations! May you have many years of happiness.

  • hi all

    not now moving until feb 29th (??)

    it is as the Americans amongst us say "drivign me bananas "

    and my paratner who cannot now move either until that date too

    love jil l and a smiley a si neve rlearnt the frowny face :-)

  • Nice one, keep practising

    Al

  • yup something from the heart

  • We don't want to be asked if we want anything. If we do tell you what we want, we look mercenary. All we want is a card or note of acknowledgement. There is no need to mortgage the house and buy anything extravagant. A $3 bouquet from the grocery store means as much as 2 dozen red roses. You thought enough of us to go out and do something WITHOUT being told.

  • If i bought a $3 bouqet for my wife , i would get decked

  • U got that right !

  • Not me. It is the thought that he went out and got something himself that matters- NOT how much he spent. In fact if he wasted money on roses, I'd be upset. They don't last long and cost way too much!

  • I try to have Valentines Day several times a month . When grocery shopping

    or when out and about i pick up her favorite food ICE CREAM and a dozen roses / tulips / a few sunflowers ( there more expensive lol ) all for about $ 10 a dozen . I guess the answer is as long as i think of HER the care giver every so often it helps .

    I will say it is getting more difficult getting out these days but we have a large

    freezer and i can steal the neighbors flowers

    ON a more serious note were in our 25 th year of marriage i was dx 6 years ago my pd is progressing . i have assorted sleeping disorders , severe depression with manyyy dark thoughts , minor tremors left side , mornings are a bitch with the pd shuffle rigidity body pain i take meds ( must be about 10 now my meds are taking meds ) and go back to bed until 12 noon more meds and go back to sleep until meds kick in on an on we go . MY non motor symptoms have been harder to treat than motor

    I am currently looking into DBS and know quite a few DBS ers . i am fortunate to have a very good support group of parkies , AA ers , friends witch Drs etc. , in Tucson . Arizona USA

    I hope even with GODS grace i can find the courage to do the DBS

    So the ? is this at the end of the day i see my loved one getting trampled by my pd , life has changed and i have to be honest depressed or not , GOD or not hope or not , meds or not and whatever or not pd is progressive and doesn't have a happy middle or ending SORRY .

    Wife came home tonight after spending the day with a friend . she bought some new pants wanted to show me them the best i could do is say can we wait for the meds to kick in went back to bed she said hmmm most people are going out to dinner at 7 pm not to bed . we watched a little tv had a cup of coffee with the hopes of staying awake tremors started to bed i go again i wake up at 1 am and she fell asleep . the first 5 things on some show we did see was someone talking about the lack of intimacy , travel fun and on and on i felt like such a looser and the truth is i can't provide those things for her today . It is sooooooooooooooo not right to have anyone have to deal with this .

    SO PEOPS IS IT OK TO LEAVE - THIS ISN'T ABOUT BLAME ITS ABOUT NOT DESTROYING THE CAREGIVER OR LOVED ONE . affected by this disease .

    I am told by some its her decision NOT mine and others say they would leave

    i think i am for the later ,

    What do you think

    sorry about the caps ,punctuation and i misplaced my glasses 4 the 1000 th time

    i think i will post this as a general topic it just seemed to be the time to share

    t

    th

    e

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