What are you doing to prepare your loved ones to care for you and your affairs when you can no longer care for yourself?

Do you have a will? Is there a power of attorney in place, just in case? What about financially? Are you still keeping full control of your finances? What happens if you take a turn for the worst? Will your loved ones have access and the ability to pay your caregiver, health insurance, prescription bills, household expenses? Or do you think you still have full control? At what point will you realize that it's time to prepare for the future, no matter how hard that is to face?

I ask this because my Dad is in control of his finances, but as time passes, he is 'Off' more than he is 'On'. I am terrified that he will soon be unable to go to the bank and take care of his finances. If he can't do it and I don't have authorization to do so, what will happen? I'm very worried about this.

7 Replies

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  • Can you ask your father to put your name on his account as well as his and give you access so that you can do his banking and bill paying for him if he happens to fall or have an unexpected hospitalization?

    You do not need to take control of his finances completely,,,,just give him an emergency scenario and ask him how he would like you to handle it....Don't make him feel feeble and incapable ...just let him know that you would feel more comfortable if you could help him in case of an emergency. Let him help you put a plan in place that he feels comfortable with.

  • Ok, you asked and I tell. I am 46. I have PD and have shown signs at times that I can't remember things. Have trouble at times figuring out tips at restaurants. Got lost one time driving home from the drug store which is only 3 miles from our home. I could feel the changes and knew/know something was happening. Most elderly PDers don't recognize the changes. I had to stop driving and my wife handles all the finances. Some PDers with demetia have a tendency to become paranoid and can think people are out to get them or cheat them. This is common. I have a power of attorney and living will and all the other stuff we don't like to talk about because it was going to have to be done at some point and I wanted to do it while I am still "here". Some people may not have memory issues but we all need to have all the other arrangements taken care of in advance to avoid what you are now dealing with. You are a wonderful daughter and just be patient girl. Daddy loves you and he is in there, happy and grateful for you being there for him.

    Wayne

  • Funnily I'm preparing me more than them!

  • From personal experience and from reading about compulsive gambling associated with certain drugs for PD, I gave complete control of our finances to my wife and power of Attorney to my eldest Daughter..

    This has meant my wife Now DOES RUN OUR FINANCES and will not have future shock when something happens to me..

    It also allows me the freedom to play cards,roulette(occasionally) without worrying that I could get in over my head..

    It has caused some funny situations.The one that stands out was when we were traveling to WPC2010 and stopped over in Singapore. We were ushered into our room and signed into the hotel, As the supervisor was leaving he turned and asked "And what do we call the gentleman?" My wife's reply was Mr Silk.

    They had seen that the booking and payments were all my wife's Signature so I became her Toy Boy!!

    Tell your father about the compulsive gambling problem and the fact that people who had never gambled in their life got caught and that he should be protecting you by giving you access to the accounts.

    John Silk

  • When I made my will, I did make one daughter my health proxy and the other my financial proxy. I should discuss it with them and see if they want to switch.

  • Thank you all for your great responses. This is such a tough situation because my Dad is showing signs of paranoia. He is also adamant about keeping control of his finances. No matter how I explain to him that I don't currently want control, but want to be prepared in case his condition worsens, he still won't budge. I am terrified that I am going to be left with a huge responsibility and won't be able to handle it because my Dad's finances will be unreachable. I have explained this too him as gently as I can, but his solution is to write and sign (which he can barely do) two checks to keep in a safe unless he is incapacitated. At that time, I'll be able to deposit or cash the checks. Unfortunately, the checks are only good for 6 months which means we'll have to continue rewriting them as time passes. The other problem is that he's suggesting writing the checks in the amount of $3000 which won't even get me through one month of caregivers. His household expenses, medications and other needs will never be met.

    I have clearly expressed my concerns and promise that my suggestions are only for precautionary purposes. I am so frustrated. I don't know what else I can do to get through to him.

  • I am having a bit of trouble wiith all of that , when the economy tanked, we lost alot we are just now getting back on our feet, I am slowly working on it, I am just hoping to pick up the pace before it is truly needed.

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