I try to hide my pain. My boyfriend is decorating the house for his mum and has asked for my help. I'm trying to help, but hiding my pain just gets me more and more wound up until I end up shouting at him.
Any advice on how to not get angry when in pain would be greatly appreciated.
Sammi, if people do not support you dont help them its goes both ways x ive been there too except i was left to paint our house while he did his mums
"Because its a bit much for her!!!"
Argh!!! Xx
You could be sending a mixed message here by trying to hide your pain. which is why you've been asked to help with the decorating. Best thing to do I think, would be to write down briefly how your pain affects you and what you cannot do because of your pain. But if he can think of another way you can help without causing you pain then you'll try but may have to stop. It tricky to answer this, as we don't know what you can do without extra pain. But decorating sounds like one step too far.
I don't want him to know how much pain I'm in. His dad is really poorly and he cares for him full time. He has enough to deal with without my pain as well. Maybe decorating is one step too far
do you not think that by getting angry that your giving him more to deal with anyway. be honest. he is a grown man. This is life. YOu are only hurting yourself and him by hiding things. also your taking away his manhood by thinking that he cant cope with the truth. you may even be causeing yourself more pain by dong this decorating. love grace xoxo
Read Job in the Bible. Join a meditation class. Join a yoga class.
You are asking a question that cannot be answered. This is because there is no answer. You have to gain experience in doing other things and then take that experience back to the present moment. I can give some crass statement like you need to surrender to your pain. It carries no meaning until you have learnt the things that yoga and meditation teaches you.
Sorry for being problematic.
Hi there,
Hope this helps .I did this exact thing for years.
The best advice is to be honest , and learn how to say no. It's very very difficult .The reason you are being angry is your pain. The reason you are in pain is doing work that's causing your pain. So if you look at it rationally
Not helping would prevent you being angry.
Back to thinking rationally this is another massively difficult thing to
Learn with chronic pain. Sometimes it's not what you want to here.
I would suggest the truth firstly im sure he will understand this easier than trying to work out why you are angry for no apparent reason on his part.
Then get some advice on pacing , stress relief , and all the other things chronic pain related.
They are all difficult to learn but these techniques along with teaching yourself to be rational in thought, accompanied by help and support from your boyfriend will undo u table be the way forward.
Hope this helps
Dave
You need to in my opinion if you have a diagnosis simply say; I wish I was fortunate enough to participate at the things I normally would love to do but I can not any longer do. I don't know what your diagnosed with. If it's something that's Chronic and your going to have it for the rest of your life I would let people know. For me,I wouldn't want to waste my time with Ignorant people who won't or don't want to know how you "really" are. It would be a hurtful experience to discover who you thaught was a friend - really is not. Depends on your own individual Health Diagnosis that unfortunately others are just not up to it.
If this sounds non compassionate it is what it is. The truth is sometimes hurtfull but the landing will be much softer.
If you don't tell your boyfriend, how can he know that your pain is killing you. Why not ask him if he can help you instead? Jean
I was going to suggest the same thing Colvin, if he doesn't know-and she has been 'Hiding it'........How is he to know she is suffering so.
True. I have the same problem, not with just one person but with many. My experience has hit so close to home that no one and I mean no one person in my dysfunctional family will even look up what Adhesive Arachnoiditis is. So if I dare say that I'm in excruciating pain- I've gotten back - I'm sorry for your "discomfort" but there's nothing I can do. So there you go. So we are hurt, and angry. And we just "shut up". There's a fear factor here as well, I feel. Fear of losing someone who will find out you will always be in pain. Will they be able to do this, will they be able to do that. If it then becomes a selfish choice, I personally would like to know this in advance as to not waste anyones "time". The longer one waits the harder the fall, sort of thing. Chronic Pain more often than not, only can relate to others who also suffer the torture. It's out of the realm of imagination. You can't describe what others have never felt. Some even have the Odasity to think we are exaggerating or even Faking our pain! So shut up I do, -and F.O. I keep in my mind. If one can't take a small amount of time to read "what Chronic Pain is" let alone what rhe causation is, then I can't waste my otherwise good energy to allow this to even"rent" any space in my mind. Our days are tough enough without having to think about the ignorance of others.
Thank you all for your advice. I'm taking baby steps on letting him know about the pain. His dad is really poorly so it's important to me that I don't add more to his plate with my pain. We are both learning about complex regional pain syndrome as we go along. He is supportive, just sometimes he doesn't understand. It sounds ridiculous that squeezing my upper body hurts when the problem is in my leg. It sounds irrational and I understand why he doesn't understand.
I did not your diagnosis at time of writing my previous post.
I have had CRPS full body for 17 yearse now. I have been 6 years total medication free. This is not to say I don't have good day bad day flair up cycle. But having learned that I have these Wether I use Meds or not I decided to stop all Meds.
There are many things you need to learn , if I was you I would fully involve your boyfriend, people have strength to deal with things .while I'm understanding he is having his issues in life caring for his dad, I am sure if he knew you were hurting yourself to protect him he would be annoyed. CRPS cannot be sugar coated it is very painful look at levels on the magill pain scale. This alone should help your boyfriend understand the levels of pain.
You probably won't be able to describe symptoms pain etc yourself to a level he will understand. There are lots of paper online which will help. It's usually better coming from another source when trying to explain CRPS the pain symptoms etc are so variable and strange.
I'm writing a story at the minute called my 4 tog trauma .
About hating bed time and not coping with a 4 tog duvet on top of me.
Hope this helps
Dave
Do you have a diagnosis for your pain? If you do explain to him how much pain you are in. If you think of him as someone you are going to be with forever then he needs to know how much your pain effects you. You need to be honest. If a guy loves you and wants to be with you he will support you. So what if he has familia members that are poorly? How are you any less important? Take him to a doctors appointment so they can explain what is wrong with you. If he can't handle it then it's better to know now than carry on in a relationship with no future.
Keep in mind people that have never had chronic pain can't understand it. You have to tell them your limits and at the end of they day some people can't handle being in a relationship with someone that is sick.
I've been explaining to him one bit at a time how CRPS is affecting me. I've had him read articles and other people's experiences. He's trying to understand. I'm also going to a wellbeing thing next week so I'm hoping I'll be able to learn new coping mechanisms and be able to control my anger more.
Thank you all for your advice.
Dear Sammijs,
Please do try to explain, how you feel, rather than simply 'Rage', at him. A caring man, boyfriend or not, would/will find it difficult to understand-even with the best will in the world-if all he is 'getting' is anger. I know that I would.
I am sending you all MY Best wishes, I will pray for you-and your boyfriend.
Kindest regards
AndrewT
Still don't get it and it's getting me cranky
Difficulty getting diagnosed?
Getting sick and tired of all of this pain 
How to Get a Definitive Diagnosis
