Alcohol addiction

[miley001]

Hi! Need a strong advice here. I think my husband is an alcohol addict. He drinks about 10 beers a night. He does not realize that he is getting drunk. He slurs while talking to me and my kids but he says he's not. He stays up till 3 am and drinks until he falls asleep. I feel totally depressed and lonely. I think alcohol has taken my place as a wife. What should I do to get him off from this addiction. I can't see my family getting ruined like this. Friends say that I should send him to alcohol rehabilitation center . I don't know if he will agree for it. What should I do to convince him to go.

[Annunnaki]

Hi sweetie. I'm sorry to hear. This is difficult. Whatever you do, please be strong. Alcoholism is an illness. Men have been shown not to read emotions as easily as women do. They do not usually have the same support system. Both of you are suffering. However I bet he's not online looking for a solution. You are grieving the temporary loss of the man you knew, the relationship you had. You will go through fear of the future, anger, depression, etc. If you're not familliar with it read on the stages if grief. Don't underestimate it, you grieve the loss of a finger, your childhood toy, ect. You will grieve this.

Make notes of what you want to talk about. Be kind to him and yourself. Tell him how his drinking, (and not him) affects you. He isn't the problem, the drinking is the illness. Tell him how you hurt seeing him getting hurt. Your fear of the health impact. Your willingness to help. Approach it to best suit him, as any discussion. Rehearse the conversation if you can. If you get angry, appologise. And go back to calm. It is very hard. People with addiction are often not ready to admit they have one. I'm in another country I think. if you have an alcohol addiction helpline call them for advice.

That's the help I can give you. I'm sure others will reach out and give you better advice about alcoholism itself. My thoughts are with you.

Blessings.

[Bananas5]

Hello Miley

his probably isn't the best forum for you unless your husband or you suffer with pain.

However I can answer a little. Do you know why your husband drinks as much as he does? No one sets out to be an alcoholic if that's what he is. There is always an underlying reason. If you can find that you are on the way to understanding.

Second you wil never 'cure' an alcoholic. It is an illness. Any treatment. help or support can only ever happen cos HE wans it. You push him and he will deny he has a problem and resent you. or whoever is pushing.

Try and talk to him. Tell him your feears and concerns.

There is also, or used to be, an organisation for friends and families who live with an alcoholic. Your surgery will advise or you can google it.

Hope this helps

x

[Rosepetal60]

Difficult , if he is in pain, it will probably be his way of coping. Or it might be his way of getting to sleep or blocking out something that is worrying him. Do you have the odd beer with him or is it just him? 10 beers does seem quite a lot every night. Perhaps you could mention the health implications something on the lines of you have been reading an article on it, And perhaps look on the shelves of the supermarket for the lower alcohol beers for him to try after your little chat,. for hopefully some kind of compromise if you can stress to him how worried you are about him and the health implications . There's a phone line I think for Alcoholics Anonymous if you live in the uk. Something similar I would guess for USA .

[earthwitch]

You wont be able to make him go to an alcohol treatment centre if he doesn't want to, however you will be able to get really valuable advise about how you can deal with it from Alcohol and Drug addiction services - they often deal with family members first as you are the ones it most impacts on and are the ones who seek help first. If you don't know who to call in your area, phone up your local CAB and ask them.

[Byfergie]

He is in denial people drink for different reasons but alcohol is a coping mechanism a sedation .

Whilst you can confront him it is his responsibility to stop drinking ;and he will only do that if he wants to , with a lot of men in this country and that sounds a massive generalisation there is often the reason behind the drinking !!! And often it is a deep seated issue and if he doesn't talk about it or even admit it then it makes things very difficult.He must know he is drinking but he doesn't want to admit the extent of it and it starts to get destructive to those around.

You need to look after you and the children as a priority he is not a child and whilst you can support him you cannot do it for him he has to do it and he has to do it for himself .

These words may sound harsh but you and your children need to come out as whole as possible .

Good luck always remember your own worth there maybe some brutally honest conversations for you to have I don't know what else to say really apart from keep things honest and real .

[Danslatete]

If he doesn't believe what he is like then video it, film it using a phone, whatever it takes. Show him when he's not in the drink. Tell him you love him and want him to be well but not like this.

My brother is an alcoholic. I love him dearly but it drives me nuts when he goes on a bender and I invariably end up being called as hid next of kin.

[allofatremor]

Defo got a drink problem if drinking 10 beers a night, but does not necessarily mean he is an alcoholic!!! It all depends how long he has been drinking to excess? does it interfere with his job? (to drunk to get up for work) does he drink this amount every day/night? or just weekends? Is he violent due to the alcohol?

Does he go without food for alcohol instead? (drinking on an empty stomach)

Does he have plenty of money to fund his habit? does he bring his drinking before anything else?

I could go on for ever, there is an awful lot to learn about alcoholism. If its long term then he needs help, if its short term he needs help to get out of this period of drinking.

Never the less he needs help, has he a brother or father, or close friend you can turn to for helping you handle this? especially if he gets violent, the children need to be protected.

When alcohol takes over a person, it ruins thier life, and the lives of their loved ones.

Believe me I know, all about the problem with drink, I have been dealing with it for 30+ years.

You dont say how old your husband is? how long hes had the wish to drink? all these things have to be taken into consideration, before you can say he is an alcoholic.xxx

[satici]

Please take him to Alcoholics Anonymous

[Dexter1]

As stated above, he won't go to AA or rehab unless he wants to. I once gave my husband a choice of me or his alcohol and he couldn't decide! I would suggest 2 things- an INTERVENTION (google it) because you should have support, and in some cases it may be healthier for you or him to leave. Sound harsh but I got caught up in an addiction of my home and my husband told me he was divorcing me. That helped me quickly decide to straighten up , get help and keep my family I could not live without. I know this is harsh, it's just what helped me. Don't face him alone and definitely not while he's drinking. Too dangerous. Call friends and family to help.

Best wishes to you and your husband pulling through this.

[Peggy76]

Yes indeed everything Dexter & others have said is true ,but please look after yourself & the children .

Peggy 💐