family

[ladyimmaculate]

its been afew months now since i found out

that our last born child who is 14yrs old is

living with hiv/AIDS .

i have failed to live with it,i keep asking

God why him of ol creature every time i look

at him i cry but no one at home knows thst am hurting

becouse i pretend that ok,and also i fear pitying him

becose i think it will make him feel small

what do i do from here becouse i have failed to

accept the fact that my beloved brother was born

with the so dangerous disease,hoe only i wish

someone could get acure for it.i cant stand watching him

take those ugly tabs every day of his life,i have only shared

this with you people becouse i trust you

[Hidden]

You have reached out. You want to support your son. Talking about how you feel will help. Your son needs your courage and support, and your love.

All your feelings are normal, and there are emotions you will feel like mourning. Your son and family will feel them too. You can reassure him that they are normal. This may be a long process until you reach acceptance. Include everyone at home, they may be hurting alone too. Your son will feel the strength if you are all united in his cause, rather than everyone hiding their emotions. It really is ok to feel and express your emotions. I think your son deserves this honesty. He needs to express his emotions too.

Talking will help both of you, between yourselves and seperately. Maybe include his uncle so they can talk about how the HIV is affecting him.

You need to find a way to relate to your son he's too young to go through this on his own. He needs reassurance, love and hope. You are very negative about the illness, maybe you have seen it too many times. You must find something positive to focus on and build on that.

The drugs are better at treating the disease these days and they are making progress all the time.

Keep posting on here, everyone's friendly, and writing down your thoughts will help you make sense of them.

[RibvanRey]

Would it not be better to find an Aids/Hi V group to talk about this on? Surely they are going to be in a far better position to support you and thereby your youngest child. It sounds as though you really could do with their expert help. Whilst folk here are generous in their help and comfort I doubt that they are going to be able to give you the in depth support you are going to need with your child. You own this child big time to get the best support you can find. I wish you the very best of luck. Rib

[johnsmith]

I was at a conference about a month ago. One of the speakers was a lady who contracted AIDS in 1984. The lady spoke about her journey with AIDS. She is married and her husband knew about her diagnosis before she married him. She has lived a rich and interesting life. She made it clear that the diagnosis despite its shortcomings is not all doom and gloom.

AIDS is something that is outside my area of knowledge and so I would not like to offer any sort of advice in this area.

I know about living with a loss because a health disability changes ones expectations of what the future will hold and alters what one is capable of doing in the present. That loss is sometimes present and colours the way I look at things and at other times it does not.

Some people say it is best to talk about issue with your 14 year son. My feeling is that it would not be sensible at this point in time. Stress overload on both parties can cause things to take place that can damage relationships. You know about the dark side of AIDS, but have not explored how someone with AIDs can live well with it. If you can find someone who knows this side and can talk about it with you then you will be in a better position to discuss it with your son.

The emotions involved in handling loss can be quite a roller coaster. It takes about a year for emotions to be in the realm of being handled when their is a major loss. There is a lot of learning in developing the skills to handle some of the intense emotions that can be present. Sometimes all that can be acknowledged is that emotion is intense and time is needed for the emotion to subside. Care needs to be taken to avoid adding emotion upon emotion. Again this is a skill that appears to be only able to be learnt when one is experiencing it.

There are techniques of Mindfulness and meditation which can help handle some of the emotions present.

Time is the great healer. It takes time to integrate the knowledge and develop the means to handle this knowledge. Trust your instincts and allow yourself to discuss it with your son when both of you are ready for this emotionally laden discussion.

Hope I have been able to be helpful.

[Hidden]

sorry bit confused first of all you talk about your son then it's your brother

[Hidden]

Im sorry you r in pain too, a mothers pain for a child is like no other, remember your child is very very special, we live in a broken world but God loves each of us dearly, i will pray for both of you, i pray that you also do,, my faith has sustained me since i have also been left with injury that left me bedridden, everyday i wake and read the scriptures and its so good