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Advice on how to find a carer

Advice on how to find a carer

About Why your help is needed!

This is a simple question, not so simple to answer so sorry for long explanation.

Obviously I am disabled and rely on my Invacare dragon electric wheelchair to get around( the wheelchair is the dragon not the ex) but I have only been disabled for a short number of years. We used to have our own business that was run by my wife and I quite happily however when I was injured it was a huge change for us and our son to face, moreover the constant pain, rollercoaster ride of going through medical investigations, tests surgery and many, MANY treatments when one day the consultant reviewing latest scans stated “medically no operation is possible to improve your situation with at best a 10% chance it could reduce damage already done to nerves and spinal column, yet would be a 75% chance or higher that you could lose all bodily function you have now with no reduction in any of the pain you are in.” as he was talking further about the reasoning behind this my now ex wife said “so are you saying he is going to be a cripple forever?” he said that was not how he would phrase it but yes as condition is progressive I will never improve only get worse as time goes by. Then she said (excuse language but this is her words)”I want a real man not a fucked up cripple who would be better off dead to me than like this” she then walked out and so ended my marriage.

I suffered months of derogatory comments, put downs and having my medical needs ignored so emotionally was made to feel so guilty for not being able to do things for myself. Such as reaching things from high shelves, cupboards and such simple enough tasks that even thinking of asking for help was enough to make me become afraid of the reaction I would be met with.

Over time the whole situation has had detrimental effect on my own sense of worth and emotional wellbeing plus as neighbours were granted to hearing degrading things she said to me and general way she treated me and from what was true friendship towards them on my part if they see me when sorting recycling etc they give cutting digs too and old me would have stood up to these as I would never treat others in such a way yet it seems she gave them permission to react this way to seeing me try any task. Should the fact I need help of any kind even be an issue of contention? Or should it simply be given without comment as it is not through choice the help is needed? Indeed it would not be denied to a baby who is unable to fend for themselves so why a disabled person should be made to feel bad for any help they NEED no matter what that help is. I personally am oh so thankful I still have control of both bowels and bladders so do not need help with that yet even if I did why should I feel bad for the level of disability inflicted upon my body? Prior to putting this website together to help advertise for travel companion I had placed adverts to like this site to and the first respondent asked me to list any and all help that would be need and justify why that help would be needed. I am hoping I can find someone who does not want me to justify my needs and someone who is happy to help with all the tasks I am unable to do myself without it being an issue for example I can neither bend to put socks on or even reach to fasten shoe laces even if do get shoes on. At home can do much more due to having lots of equipment designed to help but on ship help is very limited and it is infeasible to bring the aids with me. Can you be that person and make a change in my life helping reverse the mental and emotional damage my ex and neighbours have done? To enjoy the comfortable feeling of travelling with a companion who is comfortable helping and being around can be more like a family member or real old friend where both are relaxed without unease caused by disability as set aside disability I feel I am worth knowing and a good friend.

I have had occupational therapists and physiotherapists etc helping adjust to a disabled life on my own and the OT gave me a leaflet about a company I would have to employ to send someone to help me when I go shopping or oh holidays etc and through further reading online came up with idea that if I can not only plan the mini cruise to Bruges, but find someone who not only is willing to come with me for the help I will need but also as someone to be a companion it would show me not only are there people who do care enough to freely give the help required without question or being mean spirited about doing so but I am not as useless as I have allowed my mind to be poisoned into believing. Maybe you are someone who like me is a little withdrawn from society but would love the companionship yourself plus the chance to get away from judging eyes living in the moment and just concentrate on the enjoyment side of the mini cruise as after all that is what cruises are for. It would also be a real bonus if we were equally compatible and relaxed enough with one another that this could not just be a onetime deal but holidays both in UK and abroad could be covered in future too.

I may not be able to pay a “wage” but the mini cruise would be paid for as would Breakfast and evening Dinner plus transport to and from port in Belgium all covered. You would just need any spending money you may need for such things as (my reason for going) the cheaper tobacco and Belgium chocolates. Maybe if you drink some duty free booze or aftershave/perfume for Christmas gifts etc. The dates for travel will be flexible depending on me saving enough for a year’s worth of tobacco. Travel is from Hull P&O ferry terminal and although I can arrange my own transport there if it was both possible and practical it would be nice to be able to meet prior to booking in for the ferry. This is something that could be maybe booking in to a hotel the day before travel to become acquainted if not being able to meet up some time before the trip to meet over a drink or meal and discuss issues we would need to both be au fait with in advance.

Now you know what lead to my need for a travel companion do you feel you could be the change that my life needs and be there when needed at same time as having an adventure to the land of mmmmmmmm chocolate????