Quite liked this:what not to say to someone whe... - My Ovacome

My Ovacome

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Quite liked this:what not to say to someone when they are ill

16 Replies

healthy-magazine.co.uk/psyc...

Made me think there are other helpful tips we could put together for friends and family. You can never have enough tip sheets.

16 Replies

Great link, Sue.

L xx

Whippit profile image
Whippit

That article is so true Sue. I think I've experienced most of those gaffs. I get very defensive about my cancer and I hate people looking sorry for me. I'm not a victim, I'm not in the midst of a battle. I'm not sorry for myself and I don't need anyone's sympathy.

What I do need, as the article says, is for people to say when can we meet up and fix a date. The one thing you realise about this disease is that you don't have time for prevarication. There are many plusses on this journey if you look for them.

xxx Annie

Thanks Sue,

All true :-/ ;-) x G x :-/ ;-)

ChrisH profile image
ChrisH

I like it! When we are talking of gaffs, how about the person that said to me "but you're not an angry person" when she heard I had oc! Like she thought only angry people get cancer.....Doh!

Chris

Whippit profile image
Whippit in reply to ChrisH

ha ha, I did laugh at that one. This would be a wonderful blog - for us to reveal the worst gaffs ever. Not angry!!!?? Whatever next? Mind, I was told by a medical student that there's research into the psychology of cancer patients and if you're a closed up sort of person apparently there's evidence that it increases the risks.

That just reassures me I've just been unlucky and it's nothing I can blame myself for. I really haven't listed a positive for a single risk relating to developing Ovarian Cancer and yet here I am.

Having got it the positives are getting to know all you ladies!

loads of love, Annie xxx

ChrisH profile image
ChrisH in reply to Whippit

Same here. I didn't have any of the positive risks either! If you want a giggle, try looking up Russell Howard and cancer on you tube, he did a song on all the things that the Daily Mail said could give you cancer. I laughed my socks off!

Love Chris

Whippit profile image
Whippit in reply to ChrisH

A few of us some while ago did talk about rehearsing this song and offering it as a diversion at Members' Day in May?

Anyone up for this crazy idea? xxxx Annie

citrine profile image
citrine

Oh, I remember when this was published in the Guardian last year. I thought it was spot on then. She also went on to say that she had been in the position of having to comfort one friend who burst into tears. That happened to me a couple of times. It was obviously a shock for them so I don't hold it against them

One thing I didn't like was being told stories about people who had had breast cancer 30 years ago and were still going strong. I know it was supposed to cheer me up but it really didn't.

Mary xx

I had a classic "how not to behave" in my family. One whole branch showed up soon after I started chemo, sat in their Sunday best in a line on my sofa looking like they were attending a funeral. One kept shaking his head and saying "oh dear, oh dear, oh dear..." And everyone spoke almost in whispers...

I was fine, just fuming!

Whippit profile image
Whippit in reply to

Looking to turn this thread into a positive, I'm searching my memory for the good reactions to hearing about my diagnosis:

A close friend asked if we could walk our dogs together. Over the course of the weeks that followed I got excellent practical advice on dealing with advanced cancer based on his experience of nursing his wife with a brain tumour. Thanks Francis to the excellent advice on planning a 'bungalow downstairs' with loo and the suggestion that it would be a good idea to adapt the house for reduced mobility.

Thanks to my wonderful friend Liz in Largs, Scotland, who is a counsellor. She asked me some searching questions and was there for a volley of emails that followed. The help I received was inestimable.

Thanks to colleagues I hardly knew for having the courage to text or email to see if they could visit me at home. That was absolutely incredible and a massive support in the painful transition from full-time work to retirement on the grounds on ill-health.

Thanks to an amazing GP. Always there to listen and he has great advice.

Most of all, thanks to all you on the Ovacome site. You're the biggest inspiration and source of comfort I have. Where would I be without you?

Love Annie xxx

Must be many other DOs too, as well as donts. DO

> ask: can I help? Offers of bits of cooking, shopping etc. might be v welcome

> use technology to stay in touch - little texts and email funnies are great

You get tHe idea

Whippit profile image
Whippit

Yes, if you're keen on cooking why not prepare something to heat up for dinner. There's a lot of love in preparing something delicious and nutritious for a friend going through a rough patch.

xxx

ChrisH profile image
ChrisH

When I was diagnosed my sister drove over several times with cakes, soup, even a chicken casserole for our evening meal. While here she did my ironing, and took my daughter with her and her family up to the Lake District for Easter. She has since helped by having my daughter for a few days when needed. Both my parents and in laws(who live in the south of France) come over for my duvet days, or when it's a long chemo, for the actual day, to help me, or be there for our daughter. I feel extremely lucky at the wonderful support from my family and friends, even though they drive us nuts on occasions! Lol

Chris

littlewelshlady profile image
littlewelshlady in reply to ChrisH

what a wonderful family you have ChrisH x

vicsmail profile image
vicsmail

My daughter's swimming teacher was asking me the other day whether I had heard about her Auntie. I said no and then she proceeded to tell me in great detail about how her Auntie had just died from a v aggressive form of bowel cancer. She then told me that like me, her Auntie had intended to fight it all the way.

I was so shocked by her belief that I needed to hear this story that I have actually laughed a great deal. I have told a few friends and their horrified responses have made me laugh even more. Well they say it's the best medicine!

littlewelshlady profile image
littlewelshlady

My biggest bug-bear is when friends, relatives, acquaintances telephone to see how I am doing then end the conversation with "if there is anything I can do just ask" . . . I don't want to ask just turn up with rubber gloves and toilet cleaner and say "put the kettle on while I clean the bathroom" Am I being too ungrateful?

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