Feelings After Finishing Chemotherapy

[YDLSmyth]

Hello lovely people - I finished my chemotherapy today - yea! Diagnosed June 3 this year, had 3 treatments of carboplatin / taxol then surgery on Aug 20 then 3 more lots of chemotherapy. So far as I know all has gone well, surgeon was very happy with operation and CA125 was 2,100 on diagnosis then 3,300 after round 1, then 1,048 after round 2, then 81 after surgery, 20 after round 4 and as of Tuesday this week 15 which was after round 5. Chemo on the whole wasn’t too bad - lost hair, fairly tired and a little bit of numbness in fingers. Scan next week which I am scared of then they are going to put me on Niraparib as maintenance. I should be happy after the way everything went but not really feeling like that. Feeling nervous, scared and a bit lost as first line treatment is now finished and worried about the waiting game and recurrences etc. Is it normal to feel like this or do most people celebrate after finishing chemo? Thank you, Yvonne.

[Yorkiepudd]

Firstly, well done on getting through it. I think everyone has a mix of feelings and they’re all valid. I found it was feeling slightly adrift which was odd as you’d been pushed along a travelator for several months and chemo especially has a nice routine to it.

Everyone finishes and wonders if/when they’ll be there again but there’s also a lot of folk on here who have had years in remission. Your CA125 is amazing and as you react that’s a very good indicator for you.

You will work through it but if the worry and thoughts are becoming intrusive then I’d urge you to speak to a professional. Do you have a Maggie’s near you? It’s also a weird old time time but give yourself a massive pat on the back for getting to this point; remember how diamonds are made...

Funnily it’s my one year anniversary since finishing chemo tomorrow so we’ll almost be anniversary sisters 🥰

[YDLSmyth in reply to Yorkiepudd]

Thank you for your encouraging words - you are right, it is a routine and I miss that. Missing chemo - must be loopy! 🌹🌹

[Tulips66]

Hi Yvonne, I know exactly how you feel ,this is the way I felt a couple of weeks ago when I finished my maintenance treatment. All my family & friends expected me to be over the moon but I felt really deflated & worried now because I am not going to be monitored as much. I had a recent CT scan & the doctor said all looked good except I have a nodule in my groin which has got a little bigger & now I am waiting for a different scan. He said he doesn't think it's anything to worry about as CA 125 is steady but that's exactly what I am doing, worrying until I have the scan & results. Everything seems to be slower due to covid but I don't want to wait I need to know now !! I hope this answers your question, yes what your feeling is very normal. When you are having your treatment it's like a comfort blanket & now it's been taken away but hopefully you will relax a little & if it's possible treat yourself with a weekend away & celebrate the fact that you have just got through the last few months without any hiccups along the way. Good luck with your scan hope all will be ok Xx🌸 Mag

[YDLSmyth in reply to Tulips66]

Thank you Mag - really appreciate your support. 🌹🌹

[27-359]

It's entirely normal. Chemo etc has been a major part of your routine for some months, and I know that I felt looked after all the time I was attending appointments. It won't take you long to adjust to your new regime of (probably) three monthly checks.

Jenny

[YDLSmyth in reply to 27-359]

Thanks Jenny, really appreciate your advice. It’s the unknown, waiting game from now on and realisation that they have done most of what they can do for me that’s scary. Hope you are doing ok🌹

[Caleda4]

Hello, I don't think it is at all unusual to feel the way you do,and waiting for results is awful. I finished chemo ladt week for first recurrence and somehow it feels as if the safety net has gone, My CT scan is on 6 Oct and appointment on 19 for Consultant which seems ages. I am trying not to think about to much but find it is in the back of my mind,if this if that scenario.

You have done well on your chemo,so fingers crossed for other results,

Take care.

Caleda,xx

[YDLSmyth in reply to Caleda4]

Thank you Caleda, very best of luck with your scans and treatment 🌹

[SUE7777]

This may help you we all feel like this happymagazine.ie/2019/03/af...

Warm hug Sue xx

[YDLSmyth in reply to SUE7777]

Thanks Sue - that’s an amazing article and explains a lot. Hugs back 🌹

[Rhonddalady in reply to SUE7777]

Thank you for this link Sue, I've found it very interesting and helpful.

Jan x

[Fee26 in reply to SUE7777]

What a brilliant article, I certainly can relate to many things highlighted. 😘

[Mammi in reply to SUE7777]

Thanks Sue that article is brilliant ! Got my husband to read it too as it explains everything so well that you can’t sometimes put into words yourself.Everyone should read it! Big hugs 🤗

[Katmal-UK]

Hi Yvonne, most people feel as you do now and that understandable. You have been through so much. I know people who haven't been through what you have will think well you are fine now, you been through treatment, your fine now. What ppl don't or can't understand is how these affects you emotionally/mentally. I found for me going back to work, my normality, helped me. It gave me something else to focus on which is what you need. Over time I thought less about me and more about life. I went on a holiday I'd always wanted to go on etc. I think what I kept in mind was that there is no point continually worrying, worrying won't change a thing, won't stop a recurrence, what it will do is spoil the here and now and leave you feeling miserable. If you feel you can't get to that point then you may want to explore counselling. Just to add your CA125 is so good. I passed 13 years since diagnosis (despite 2 recurrences) this month, currently over 7 years NED (non evidence of disease) and on Olaparib. I wish you well. Big Hug. Kathy xx

[YDLSmyth in reply to Katmal-UK]

Thanks Kathy - I have read lots of your posts and you are amazing. Very grateful for your encouraging words and all the positive posts you put on this amazing site. Thank you 🌹

[Broader]

Entirely normal feelings, it felt like a “job” going to the hospital twice + a week then suddenly nothing aghhh but you soon adjust, try your best not to worry you’ve had a fantastic result, don’t blight what you have right now ( not easy) Because it will not change things, what will be will be.

And celebrate you must, it’s a big achievement, you made it through.

Well done to you.

Wishing you well

Christine x

[YDLSmyth in reply to Broader]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words Christine - I really appreciate it. Hope you are doing ok yourself 🌹

[Teamteal2020]

I also just finished my 6 th and last chemotherapy ( Taxol, Avastin, and Carboplatin). I was diagnosed with stage 4 OC in May. I had debulking surgery and HIPEC. My CA125 was over 2000 and is now 7!!

I have a CT scan in a couple of weeks and if all is clear, I will be started on Lynparza and Avastin. I have complete confidence in my medical team and am optimistic about my future. Ironically, it is a little depressing completing chemotherapy. The feeling of being surrounded by medical professionals is safe and comforting. It’s almost like I feel abandoned, even though I know I will still be getting the care I need. And there is always the fear of recurrence.

[YDLSmyth in reply to Teamteal2020]

Thank you - yes feel at a bit of a loose end and anxious now about scans and recurrences etc. You have had an amazing result and I hope your scan and treatment go well for you. Thank you 🌹

[MarleyZ]

Think that is normal finished 6 rounds of chemo this July...Wish I had got a cake to celebrate just coming through it all operation and chemo ... felt elated and great but yes I did think about re-occurrence mentioned it to the chemo team and their reply was there are no guarantees just live life to the full and we will monitor you every 3 and 6 months for the next few years....so live life it will take to adjust but way I view it we all sort of adjusted to having ops and chemo and run in battles with all that bought to our lives...so celebrate.

[YDLSmyth in reply to MarleyZ]

Thanks Marley - I would love to celebrate but thanks to Covid it will have to be low key - McDonalds drive thru is about all that is open here 😀 Very best of luck and thank you 🌹

[Differentforgirls]

Bless your heart. I also know how this feels as I struggled more when my frontline treatment finished ( June 2018).

A very good friend of mine ( who’s also a breast cancer specialist nurse) gave me a print out of an article about these feelings. This article written by Dr Peter Harvey called, “ After the treatment finishes - then what?” can be found through google. It helped me so much & I still refer to it often.

I hope it helps you too.

You’ve been through so much - please be kind to yourself & talk about your feelings to someone.

Also, if you’re in the UK I recommend putting your name down to go on the Macmillan run HOPE course ( for those who’ve finished cancer treatment). They do this online now I believe.

Take good care , Lynne xxx

[YDLSmyth in reply to Differentforgirls]

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement Lynne - I have just finished that article and it describes the feelings exactly and contains great words of support. We are all in the same boat and going through the same roller coaster ride. Thanks again and hugs back 🌹

[Mommoo65]

It's absolutely normal to feel anxious when the safety net of chemo is yanked away! At least while receiving chemo you were doing something to fight your cancer. Now what? Right? It's ok. Gonna take you a while to feel a bit back to normal after your entire focus was on treatments, scans, Dr appts, blood tests, etc, etc, etc!! I can honestly tell you that you will have days and weeks that thoughts of cancer never enters your mind!

Your CA125 is great! Congrats!

[Euphori]

Only just found this forum. My cancer was found by accident Dec 2019 so went straight into chemo Jan 2020. Debulking surgery was cancelled in April so then completed 6 chemo cycles. Had surgery in June. Then my CA 125 started creeping back up so had couple more of them. Eventually it came back down to 16. Now think my osteoarthritis that came back with a vengeance pushed it back up after coming off steroids when it went away and I didn't even realise as I was in such a mental fog. Now I'm waiting for my first 3 monthly blood test check in April. So glad to have read all these comments as it echoes all my feelings. Feel I should be jumping for joy. Coped with first lockdown as I was busy with treatment. Feel very lost as I would just to be out and about meeting friends and trying to forget about it all in normal circumstances. Feel very alone with so many thoughts. What will come next