2019...... I know it’s gonna be a tough year for lots of ladies here, I know it’s highly unlikely my special person’s chemo will work Dr Eye Candy said they’ll offer chemo for as long as possible (didn’t sound too enthusiastic).... I know this was probably my special person’s last Christmas and she spent it in hospital, partial bowel blockage and apparently blood clots on her lungs, although they’re not giving her anything for them so I personally think it’s more than likely to be tumours..... also not medicating herself properly she was taken in on Christmas Eve and will be there over new year unless they can get her sorted by the end of Monday... I was angry with her because she wasn’t medicating herself properly after we said have you taken all your meds to which her reply was yeah I’m doing everything right then she tells the hospital she’s not done any of it obviously I saw red because she’s so silly for not doing it right! She says she can feel the cancer progressing I personally think she’s gonna be handed to the palliative care team before too long. Only time will tell......
I hope 2019 is kind to EVERYONE no matter what xxxx
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CallmeMum
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Sounds like a bit of depression to me. Feeling cancer progressing is a classic line. I was sent to a breathing clinic at the hospice and there were people there with lung clots, I learned so much it’s worth finding out if they run one. Clots can form through laying down too much she needs physio. I’ve been with the palliative care team for the best part of two years they work with the oncology team too. Sounds as if a boost of positivity is needed. How’s her mood?
Her mood is okay! But I gave her an ultimatum of do everything like gospel no questions or I’ll be calling it a day (obviously I won’t and never would) but she has to know that if she doesn’t start sorting herself out properly she’s got the prospect of being on her own at appointments and that scares her I know it’s cruel and horrible but I have to be cruel to be kind otherwise she’ll end up in her grave sooner rather than later. I’ll look at breathing classes for her the idea of a hospice scares her due to her family members passing away at the hospice with the same cancer but I’m sure there’s something elsewhere for her to do xxx
So sorry to hear that your friend is struggling. A hospital is no place to spend the holidays. I hope that your friend can find a reason to fight on in the coming year and that you both can remain open to the possibility of another Christmas. Were it so simple as to give another one's own strength, or hope, I'd gladly give her and you some of mine. Perhaps there is someone who can help her sort her feelings about where she is and how she wants to go forward … that feeling of lack of control over what happens physically can be very dispiriting and impact her decisions (such as not to take her meds). May there be better days, brighter days in the year to come.
Thank you for your kind words, the thing is we’re “old” to this game now, done it for nearly 4 years and the fact she recurred after 4 months isn’t a good sign for her xxx
Maybe it's time you take over the timing of the meds, if she'd be happy with that? And maybe, just maybe she might be thinking that she'll want to take a short break from the meds, to regain strength, .. would that be feasible?
I'm really sorry you two had to spend the holidays in the hospital and that she is struggling. Your words make it clear that it hits you hard too. Wish I could make the chemo work for her.
I'm thinking of you and her, and am sending positive thoughts. Hopefully the tumours will stabilize and she gets better soon. Hang in there. Hugs. Maus
Unfortunately she lives on her own so whilst she’s in hospital I know they’re medicating her properly. I’m always on the end of the phone but sometimes it’s hard when I have my own children to deal with, and this is kind of becoming a pattern that she decides not to take her meds properly then ends up in hospital, hence the ultimatum it has to be either or there isn’t going to be a “middle ground” anymore I have too many other worries as one of my children is autistic so there’s also his needs to deal with xxx
Hi, I'm so sorry to read she is not doing well maybe the palliative team would be of help. they are not only for pain control but also have a lot of other services.. take care my love to you both Lorraine xx💙💙
It sounds like she could find counselling helpful to find out the reasons she is self sabotaging. It may be that she wants to withdraw from life and that is entirely understandable if she is frightened. But a good counsellor could explore her fears and maybe her anger and see which are fantasy and which are real and the difference between how she is right now and the what are unknown future imaginings. She may then choose to take a more adult approach and be responsible for her health. You putting in good boundaries are a very good start. It’s hard but you aren’t responsible for her decisions.
A GP suggested counselling, but because she’s had years of counselling for her childhood and early adulthood issues it didn’t work she’s refused it, she said to her doctor the only counselling that has worked was one where they said “the past is the past, you can’t change it. What can you see yourself doing in 5 years” to which the doctor said what will you be doing in 5 years and she said I’ll likely be dead so what’s the point! So we’re kind of in the catch 22! Xxx
Sounds like she's bone weary of the merry-go-round this disease puts you on. Her messing about with her meds also sounds like a cry for help from her to the medics. Hope they get her sorted again.
It's sounds like you're a fabulous support and you've already proven numerous times how loyal you are but you can only do what you can do. You have to preserve energy for you, your family and in order to continue to support your special someone. Give yourself permission to give arm's length support for a wee while for you to recharge your batteries too.
She’s been crying for help for a long while but there is only so much we can do for her, her biggest issue is she becomes complacent and misses her meds then doesn’t bother going out when she says she’s going to go out then before we know it it’s the evening and she’s not bothered, I said when she got taken in my 4 year old could medicate himself better than she has! Xxx
Don't be cross with her she's doing what is the right thing for her. I'm sure your support is invaluable to her and she loves you the more for being there. I wish you both peace and good wishes for 2019. Miracles have been know to happen.
Sounds like you are going through it too love, think you both need to speak to Macmillan, or support team at the hospital and get a plan in place that will work for both of you.
I had elderly parents that relied on me, but I still had to work, run a house and look after my kids and I was an only child.
It can be hard, you are incredibly supportive but you have your own life too and your own problems.
You need to take any help that is offered, it sounds like mum is fed up with it all, you have to accept her decision on her life, but encourage her to take any treatment or help that is offered, it may mean you have to take a step back and let others help for your own sanity.
Her son doesn’t cope too well which is why I’m there as she put him under loads of stress when he was a child (he to is an only child). We’re all prepared for when she wants to call it a day, she’s fine if she’s doing her meds as they should be (antidepressants included) but then she decides to stop taking them and goes down hill and kicks off! Xxx
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