It was 5 years today that my wife died from OC, after fighting (prob not the right word) it for nearly 3 years.
I met her in 1969 when she came over to England aged 17 (from Cork) with her sister and some friends for a summer working holiday. We met and fell in love, three daughters later...and the rest as they say is history.
When she got and beat a brain tumour we both really thought that her health luck, for want of a better phrase, would take an upturn, but a few years later she got OC.
I get asked quite a few times if I would marry again, or whatever, and the truth is yes I would, but right now I am still in love with Christina and as such haven't even been on a date. I know Christina would be happy regardless of what happens in the future for me.
In the 'about' section of the profile I have detailed how we were let down by a certain Onc…..that doesn't detract from the good we got via the NHS. Sadly however, its the bad we remember most.
I have 'poked my nose' into this site a few times over the years and I am happy that some of the contributors who were around during Christinas time are still doing well. Long may that continue. I do think that as parp inhibitors and targeted treatment becomes more commonplace, survival rates will increase. For everyone - I really hope so.
So forgive me for this 'personal post' but ……. Anyway good luck to one and all and take good care.
Laurence
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thehusband
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Thank you for your lovely post, it must be very hard on you but you know what I am answering you from Cork. Hope you are doing okay
Thank you, Laurence, for thinking of us and sharing what must be a difficult anniversary for you. I have read your profile and am speechless, to say the least. I wonder how Christina's oncologist can sleep nights.
My family are from Cork too. Sadly I was not born there. It's a beautiful city. I have many cousins there, as you can imagine.
Take good care of yourself and thank you again for sharing your thoughts. Kryssy xx
Thank you for staying in touch with this community even now, Laurence. It's good of you to share your/her story and for us to remember Christina, even though I wasn't part of this forum at the time.
It's also a reminder of where the journey may be headed for some of us (pretty sure I'm on that wagon too), yet the time until the inevitable doom hits should be filled with as much love and happiness as possible. I'm very sorry that Christina's oncologist did not seem to understand this. Hopefully she will retire soon.
I hope your life will once again be filled with joy, and maybe a partner to share those moments with, when you're ready. All the best. Maus
Thank you so much for posting. I have been trying to persuade my husband, if he loses me, the thing that would make me the most happy is that he met someone else. The NHS has been wonderful but there have also been many mistakes and I got the best results from paying for a private consultation- thank goodness I had some savings.
This is such a poignant day for you and it's pleasing you've taken the time to post and that you still visit us from time to time. The information in your profile might well help someone else who is faced with such intransigence and persuade them to seek treatment elsewhere before the negativity gets to them.
Your love for your wife shines through your words; whether you will meet someone else, only time will tell. You'll know when that time comes.
Thanks for posting. It must be so hard for you especially on the various anniversaries. Christina I am sure would be so pleased that you still visit us and support us. That in itself is a lovely tribute to your wife. Please continue to do so if you are able as it is much appreciated.
Interestingly I have read a few articles that people who have lost a loved one are more likely to marry again if they have had a good experience of marriage. It appears that people want that experience again.
Although I was not around when Christina was having treatment I do appreciate hers and your input and the ongoing support that everyone gives.
Enjoy your good memories with Christina and very best wishes to you.
Thanks Laurence,.. I do think of Christina and of you.
I well knew the history of it all and the heartache caused by arrogance. I always bear your wise words and, even now, they’ve greatly helped me to live a life and to make my own decisions.
Five years is it really that long. Although it feels like yesterday when I rolled up here to everyone’s warm welcome six years ago
I talk to my husband about when I am gone and his future. He says he can’t think about that. No plans to replace me so I must have scarred him for life lol. We’ve been married 9 years this year. Two thirds of that I’ve had cancer. He’s nearly ten years older than me and we both have children from our previous marriages
His future worries me. We’ve always done everything together my grandchildren are his grandchildren we were there when they were born. My stepchildren decided not to be part of our lives. Your post not only shows what a testament you are to your love of your wife but reminds me how scary and lonely this journey can be for our partners.
May Christina RIP
Maybe one day you will have an additional soulmate. Your input here is good for us all. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for the lovely post and best wishes to you, I'm glad you could come back - this site is of so much help to so many of us. Enjoy all your good memories - Nicola x
Lovely to hear from you Laurence and thank you for your good wishes. I can't believe it's 5 years since Christina died!! I remember the problems you both had getting the 'right' treatment for her and I know how hard that was for you. There are definitely a few more options than there were when I was diagnosed nearly 6 years ago (I did really well on the PARP inhibitor Olaparib), but there are still, unfortunately, variations in standard of treatment depending on where you are treated. I have recently moved to the Christie and I can't believe the difference in the attitudes of the oncologists there. I feel safe and included in all decisions made and feel that no matter what, they will do their absolute best for me. You can't ask for more than that. I so wish Christina had had that opportunity too.
My husband (37 years married) died of bowel cancer last year so I do know what it feels like to lose the love of your life.
Hello Laurence, how nice to hear from you again and what a touching post. I always felt that the relationship you and Christina shared was a true love story. I hope one day, when the time is right, you will meet someone else to share your life with, probably in a completely different way from how you were with Christina. Thinking of you both, (a day late) Solange xx 😊
Many thanks one and all for your comments. We had a few drinks last night to toast Christina, and in late September I am going over to Cork again to visit her siblings, who continue to play a big part in my life.
And Lily Anne I understand your concern for your husband should you pass before him. But like me and everyone else in this position, life does go on, a different life of course, but nonetheless for children and grandchildren etc etc, we all owe it to the person that has passed to live a life for them as well. At least that is how I see it, and how Christina thought about it as well.
Liz, Sue, Solange (and everyone else) so glad that you are all still around...long may that continue. I think most of us that ever happened upon this site realise that whilst its a club we wish we were never a part of....it is a club filled with love and good wishes, where we all wish the best for every member!
Dear Laurence. What a tribute to your wife. Thanks for sharing.
I looked up your other posts. I wonder if you got anywhere with the ombudsman? I was also interested in your thoughts about better screening for OC. A friend of mine in Germany has a TVS every 6 months - the norm there I believe (depending on insurance). I think CA125 testing should be more ‘up front’ in the GPs armoury. Apparently post-menopausal bleeding is taken far more seriously in the US..
I wish you well with many happy times to come with children & grandchildren.
Hi Linda, thanks for your response. As for the Ombudsman, well apart from a lot of toing and froing, didn't really get anywhere. There final conclusion was that:
'Our Onc did not act in a way that appeared to be in the best interests of the patient with regards to not revealing the CA125 result, but not something that she should have to be reprimanded for'
Thing is all I wanted was an apology of sorts ie...in retrospect I should have acted on the CA125 result and continued with Caelyx bla bla. Not as if I wanted her struck off or anything, we need more Oncs, but ones that work with and for the patients preferably.
As for screening. Personally I would make the CA125 test available to one and all. Whilst I accept that it isn't the be all and end all of tests, its probably the nearest we have to actual screening. Whilst we would get false positives as well as false negatives, which I accept would lead to some temporary concerns for the individual, it is something that IMO would be acceptable to catch early some cases of OC. I have absolutely no doubt at all that it would catch some as well.
Lastly, myself and Christina always thought that after treatment has finished, the option of taking a daily (maintenance) pill whether that was Letrozole or whatever, might prolong any recurrence. I know that after treatment has finished that was when Christina and myself were sometimes a bit more worried. There was some comfort if you like, at having treatment because then you are getting help which increases hope that you can beat it. A daily pill for those what wanted it, might just offer that extra bit of hope.
I still believe that we are getting closer to OC and other cancers being long term conditions, perhaps not curative, but conditions we can live with …. hope so anyway.
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