It’s me again. Am a bit worried since my last doctor’s visit my husband has distanced himself from me. I told him about it but he hasn’t said anything. We are a couple always chatting about life pros cons, business the odds whatever you can think about. But he isn’t saying anything to me other than ask how I am feeling. When he is at work he calls or messages during the day like all day now it’s once or twice. I don’t know if this is all in my mind because am recovering from my surgery? I don’t like to speak to people around me about my personal matters. I find comfort in this forum. Any advise?
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Ramonasumi
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Hi. You say youve told him about it, do you mean about how u feel hes distancing himself? Our diagnosis is very hard on partners and loved ones, its happening physically to us but they suffer to. Try broaching it again, maybe he isnt messaging you because he thinks yr resting etc? Kathy xx
Yes I told him I felt he was not himself not in a nagging way but with care. It’s been three weeks since I did my bilateral Oophorectomy so am not sure what he feels or how he feels right now. He told me the day I got discharged from the hospital that things like this happens and he don’t want me to worry because we already have a baby girl. Since that day he hasn’t said anything more on the topic . He keeps himself busy and it’s like he don’t want to look me in the eyes.
Men deal with things differently and think differently. He is probably at sea right now and I suppose he is worried about you in reality. Both of you are grieving for the same thing but in different ways. You have your baby girl and indeed you are lucky, you are both lucky. If you find this is upsetting you a lot, perhaps you should contact your Macmillan Nurse and have a chat with her about the changes in your life. If your husband would be the kind to go for counselling as this is a huge illness, I would encourage him to do so,
I agree with Suzuki about going to counselling if your hubby will go. Mine, the most laid back person you will ever meet who worries about nothing started suffering headaches and went to the dr who immediately signed him off work with severe stress. Luckily he had very supportive employers who stepped in immediately and turned that into immediate compassionate leave for as long as he wanted/needed and to this day, over 10 years on are just as supportive. Sounds like your hubby is coming to terms with whats happening. I wish you both the very best xx Kathy xx
I have said this to my special person recently as she’s had a few issues with her son... men have to play the macho man role the reason being is because they’re perceived as the stronger character in a relationship so they feel they can’t have emotions and have to be like a mountain don’t brake or it’ll show weakness, it doesn’t, but psychologically they think this. Truth be told they’re just as s**t scared as the rest of us for example the person going through or friends and other family members.
Your lives have been turned completely upside down since your diagnosis and I suspect your hubby went into coping and supporting mode when you were diagnosed and had your op. Now that you're recovering from your op he has had time to breathe and he's coming to terms with everything. When us ladies go through all this crap our hubbies have to stand by helplessly and it's so hard for them. All the attention is on us and often we forget what they're going through as well. My boys were 9 and 14 when I had my op and suddently hubby was having to do everything, the shopping, housework, cooking and sorting the kids out and then do a full day's work. He must have been exhausted. Give your hubby some time to readjust, I think he just needs time to process everything that's been going on, take care, love Kerry xx
Hi, Sorry you are feeling worried about your husband being distant with you.
The ladies as usual have given you some good advice.
You don't need the added stress at this time you need to relax and get over your surgery.
I wander if your husband in his own way is going through a emotional time worrying abut you, it's easy for us to forget how hard this has hit them and I do believe some men not all have a hard time with their emotion, give him time. I'm glad you feel you can turn to us on this site keep in touch. Take care of yourself that is the main thing at the moment..Lorraine xx
Hi Ramonasumi, I would like to repeat the advice to seek counselling. It may well benefit you both but even if your hubby isn't keen (mine won't go) , you could go on your own. I found it helpful when I felt that my husband would get fed up with me being ill for so long. The counselling helped me - and it's many months later and my hubby still isn't fed up with me, my fears were unfounded, I hope yours prove to be also. Iris x
It's only been three weeks since your surgery. Sometimes people need a little time to adjust. It's tough on our families. I thought my husband was remarkable throughout my rough time, but I had no idea how much he blocked out until much later.
You mentioned a baby girl. I imagine you've got a busy household. Your husband is working and likely taking on more responsibility in the home. You guys are going through a tough time. Sometimes people just need some space to cope with these issues.
I think most of benefit from some counselling. Are there some free classes at your hospital?
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