When I had BC/chemo 7 years ago, I spent about 6 months afterwards struggling with apathy/depression, and then I won a competition to see and meet Alice Cooper - someone I was obsessed about in my youth (1972), and have followed ever since. I was ecstatic at the time, but still found it hard to come to terms with going to a concert, when I hadn't been to one for 35 years, and I was nervous and worried, right up to the minute before he came on stage. And then, my god what an eyeopener!!! I was immediately energised, entranced, ecstatic, filled with regret that I had wasted 35 years not going to gigs. Since then I have seen him 35 times, been all over Europe, and US, following him on tour whenever I can. It was, and is an unbelievably amazing journey for me, like reliving my youth, and I have met him countless times since then. Last year I went to Slovenia to see him, although I was struggling with acites at the time, and as soon as I came home, I started chemo again, this time for Ovarian cancer. Turns out I have the defective BRAC2 gene........
I've had 6 months chemo for that, and am cancer free 5 months later, but my doc keeps saying 'most people get it back' so I am struggling with my feelings of the inevitable return atm. I am feeling incredibly apathetic some times, like, what's the point in bothering? Although I struggle to maintain some semblance of normality for the family, I sometimes feel like just giving up, I am in tears while writing this.
I have 7 Alice gigs booked this year, the next one is in about a month, and I am hoping it will do the same for me this time, as it did before.
I am rambling, I know, but it helps to get these feelings down in writing,
take care, everyone