Blended families

[BrighterStars]

I wondered if anybody else has experienced their child struggling with a new blended family situation? My two children have recently been introduced to their dad’s new girlfriend and 4 year old, who have now moved in with their dad so are obviously there all the time. My eldest is fine with it and accepting it reasonably well (there have been many relationships but this is the first in a while whom have moved in) but my youngest is really struggling with the transition. He also started high school in September which is of course another huge transition and all of it is affecting us all. Sadly, their father does not see that it’s the new set-up that has caused problems with our youngest and is blaming it all on school. School are aware of the situation and are being very supportive, but I feel very much alone in supporting my child with the new blended family scenario.

[RachelModerator Moderator]

Hello BrighterStars

I think this is a really good question and no doubt will be relevant for many people, and it is especially important around this time of year.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling alone in having to support your youngest with this. However, I feel you have already made the most crucial step which is looking at it from his point of view. You are also considering what is happening in his life as a whole and even if you can't necessarily control it and change it, you are supporting his as best you can by helping to contain his feelings and emotions.

If you think your son would like to explore his feelings and speak to someone himself,

justonenorfolk.nhs.uk/our-s... may be helpful.

I think with regards to the blended family situation, a lot of the general information on young people's wellbeing is relevant, without the need for it to be specific, as it is more about how he responds to the challenging feelings and emotions and you will be such a key to this process for him.

justonenorfolk.nhs.uk/emoti...

justonenorfolk.nhs.uk/emoti...

You mentioned feels it is more linked to secondary school, regardless of this, is he able to ensure some protected time for doing things with your son, without his new partner and child being around? For example a walk together, watching something on TV together etc to enforce the idea that even though there are lots of changes happening, Dad will always make time for him. When he is with Dad, does he have some space in the home that is just for him, that he can go to chill out etc?

You are doing a great job advocating for your son and supporting him through these times of transitions, and although they are hard for him, being supported to come through will help him develop really important skills that will help him as a adult.

I hope that helps.

Take Care, Rachel

[BrighterStars in reply to RachelModerator]

Thank you, Rachel. It is a great suggestion regarding spending quality time just father and son, and i have suggested this to their dad, more than once. All I can do is reiterate how vital it is for our son but also for their relationship, as I believe it hasn’t happened yet. My son is settling in much at school and I have intervened where I felt necessary so that he knows his needs are a priority, and things have improved over all a little. The situation is not the most stable either, at the house where his dad lives, which of course has a huge impact as well. There are inconsistencies which my son does not cope brilliantly with (who does?!) but again, I am providing as much consistency as I can so I at least know that he feels secure with home, here with me, and that it will always be a place of safety.

Thank you again for your helpful response, I have heard of the website you recommend, and I shall refer to it, too.

Warmest wishes, and my gratitude for your time.