Oesophageal Patients Association
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This is the first time I have put this into writing

I had my op december 2010,I had a stroke 5 days after.I spent 7 weeks in hospital 3 weeks I was in critical care.I have been on this site now for allthis time and find it very helpfull.This op is a hard up hill struggle,but the worst struggle in my life I will never recover from is my son died last May very suddenly.I have not wrote this to depress enyone I just needed to put my thoughts down on paper.People that Iused to speak to just seem to avoid me, I know that they just dont know what to say.My point is that Iwould have this op twice over if I could just have my Son back, He was only 30. Thanks for your time. best wishes Sandra.

12 Replies

Hi Sandra, I cannot begin to know what it must feel like to lose a child. I lost my brother 30 years ago last month, I know what that did to my mother. If you want to talk just send me a message. I would also give everything to have my brother back.



Tankyou for your comment. I will. Sandra


Dear Sandra

I think if you put things down in writing it does help to clarify how you feel, and that is a good thing to do, so don't apologise! You are entitled to feel hacked off by what has happened, and to feel grief for a) loss of your own health and strength, b) loss of your son, and c) loss of what you might have expected from friends.

I am sure you are right that your friends do not know what to say to you. It is the first exchange of words that are the most important, and sometimes people avoid saying anything because they fear saying the wrong thing; and that silence means that they lose the opportunity of saying what might have been a good thing to have said. In due course, when you feel strong enough, an opportunity might arise that gives you the chance of opening up a mundane conversation with them to break the ice; or perhaps you won't feel like making the effort for some of them. There is no right or wrong about it.

I do not think you can rush things. You just have to face what you can deal with day by day, with some things being more difficult than others.

Talking often does help, and you might in due course think that a bereavement counsellor might help you. But I am absolutely sure that you are feeling just what many others would feel in your situation and that you are not alone in it.


Thankyou for your kind words Alan they mean alot.


Yes I agree that yes, its good to vent your feelings.These sites help you to be able to do this.Can understand that you would have op twice over.

Thoughts are with you


Hi Sandra, I am sorry for your pain but it is a pain I can share with you as I loss my son suddenly at the age of 35 years old married with two boys (my grandsons) and like you gone through this very harsh operation and a long recovery, but we dig deep to keep going and at times wonder where we get this extra strenght from !!!!!!! so if letting of steam is just part of this process then thats what we will do. Keep going sandra I am listening to you.

Take care.

Tina x


Hi Tina thankyou you are right we do get strength from somewere,we will keep going and take one day at a time.you take care too. Sandra.


Hi Sandra, cannot imagine what you're going through. You'll always have friends and support from everyone on this site. I'm sure I can speak for everyone here to say that you're in our thoughts and will help in away that we can. Friends do find it a challenge to know how to approach someone who has gone through what you have.



Thankyou jay.


Hi Sandra I agree with everything that has been said above, this site is so helpful on so many levels. You have endured so much sadness with the loss of your son. We are all here for you. Let off as much steam as you want we all understand.

Best wishes

Edwina x


Thankyou Edwina x


Dear Sandra,

It's truly dreadful to loose someone so loved and it must be even worse when they are so young. I send my heartfelt sympathy and hope your recovery from the surgery also brings some respite from the rawness of your loss in time. (I lost my husband to cancer 2 years before my surgery.)


Charlie x


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