How do you cope with eating socially???

[purplekey]

hi I’m 18 months since a salvage mcKeowan oesophagectomy and slow rehabilitation since two months in ITU post op. I’ve only been out socially twice to eat and found it very stressful. What to eat? Starter portions too small, mains too big, lots of spices and chilli. Taste buds have changed and can’t eat desserts cause of Dumping! Would like some tips so I can socialise with friends and not embarrass myself or them. What do you do in this situation?

[Cavalier3]

Hi purplekey.. I’m 16 months since Ivor Lewis and I eat out a lot. Don’t be embarrassed, you’ve been through too much not to enjoy yourself! It depends where I go to eat really and the portion sizes but generally I order a starter with a side order of salad or chips or I will ask for a half portion of a mani course and up to now I’ve never been refused. If I eat out with my husband he eats whatever I leave. 😂 I find Tapas style eating with friends good too because you can just pick out enough for yourself and let them finish it off. I’m very open with everyone about my limitations so they don’t get in the way. Xx

[purplekey in reply to Cavalier3]

thank you for your reply. do you show your OA card to get 1\2 portion of mains?

[Cavalier3 in reply to purplekey]

I’ve never had to.. I just have a quiet word with the waitress.. they are always so lovely and accommodating. I sometimes will order 2 starters too to come as my main. People are generally lovely and your paying! Xx

[purplekey in reply to Cavalier3]

Thank you.x

[Kentishred in reply to Cavalier3]

Hi I'm two and a half years post Ivor Lewis I also have coeliac disease so I have to ask about gluten free and about small portions and usualy everyone is very helpful. I also find that most places are more accommodating about the smaller portions than they have been about gluten free in the past. Just relax about every thing enjoy wha what foods you can. If the restraunt is un helpful then they don't deserve your custom there are plenty of places to eat good food out there. Enjoy. 😊

[purplekey in reply to Kentishred]

Thank you.x

[ccfc]

Depending on the menu I sometimes have a starter and a few of my wife’s chips (luckily she is a small eater) or ask for a small main. I accept certain things on the menu can’t be served small but a lot of things can. If there is something I really want that they can’t do smaller then I just push some to one side and eat the amount I can manage and take the rest home. Lots of restaurants are doing tapas or small plates menu’s now which is great and probably my favourite way of eating. I felt like you in the early days like I was being a nuisance but your confidence will grow the more you do it. Best Wishes and good luck, James.

[purplekey in reply to ccfc]

Thank you.x

[liz_crisp]

Hi purplekey. I have found that I either order a main if everyone's having starters and ask they bring it with the starters so I have much longer to eat, good restaurants will often warm it up for me. Or I take a container with me and put half the portion in it and then eat the rest with everyone else. Or just eat what you want and ask for a doggy bag. No one minds I eat cheese and biscuits a very small portion for dessert or have a spoon and a plate have a spoonful of someone else's dessert. The old style nouvelle Cousine or modern taster menus work well for me

Never had anyone complain yet if I ask for doggy bags or small portions or a mix and match menu xx

[purplekey in reply to liz_crisp]

That is heartening. X

[Molly14]

Hi there - I’ll be really honest here - I’m nearly 7yrs on and I choose not to eat socially - I enjoy a coffee and biscuit with friends or a wee glass of wine and nibbles but will not eat out with them - the stress of it all is too much and I made the decision a few years back - I just turned down my 4th wedding invite last year - I’m at ease with my decision now and I have a very active, happy new life with my husband, dog, garden and pony - all the best

[purplekey in reply to Molly14]

I can understand how you came to that decision. Luckily I have friends who are nurses and fully understand what I had done and are sympathetic but most people don’t understand at all and dining out is not a time for explanations! X

[champagnelover]

Hi purplekey I can understand your anxiety but it does get better over time. There are some excellent pieces of advice in your replies. I had a bad experience early on after my op 13 years ago when a waiter asked why I hadn't finished my meal and then said 'I'll send it to Africa then' It took me a long time to get over that! However I now do what others have suggested - have a starter with maybe a side, ask for a child's portion of a main, tapas is great for sharing too. Most places are very happy to accommodate. (I also say I am happy to pay for the whole meal just to prove I am not trying to get a cheaper meal - no-one has yet to accept that) Good luck and try out some options.

[purplekey in reply to champagnelover]

Thank you. Sorry you had that response. I suppose I need to do it more practice makes perfect. X

[telford-hiker]

I Dunna bother …😁food is so last year 😂

[grandylynda]

I am 5 years on and have discovered the local places which will accommodate me. From a set menu I will have 2 starters. Carveries are good. They will usually allow you a child's portion and, if not, you can be in charge of what goes on the plate. I always take a container or 2 with me to bring surplus home for later ( current weather has made that less easy! I will not return to the place that I explained everything and they agreed I could have 2 starters. They then charged me the standard charge for 2 courses. I said I hadn't had a main but they said still, 2 courses. I said that I would return to named restraint in that case. Its not on the menu but they always charge less for 2 starters.In the winter we have lunch out after walks with a group. I usually have soup and if I don't like the soup on offer, a pudding. I find it useful to have a re usable takeaway cup with me. This keeps hot drinks hot a good while so you can buy it with food and drink it some time after. Also good for me as I can't drink a whole bottle or can of cold drink in one go. Be brave and find out where and what works. Have you got a card about mea. Sizes and loos? Opa can supply them

[purplekey in reply to grandylynda]

Will try all that. Must get a bigger handbag for containers! X

[Janashlin]

It’s a real learning curve and I am still learning.I usually order things I can move around my plate a lot without eating…….much like the veggies I didn’t like as a child!

[purplekey in reply to Janashlin]

Thank you.x

[CharlieWood]

Hi purplekey, I also had a McKeown section four years ago and I'm guessing we suffer worse with the majority of the stomach being pulled up to the neck. It's really in our hands to control our quantities, easier said than done. I'm reluctant to go to restaurants and if I do I try to be close to the loos so if I feel the meal filling me up I can quickly get there and throw up☹️. Going to friends for meals is better as they know my problem, I've explained it often enough! My other problem was food sticking at the joint, I've had two stretches of the joint and it's not so bad now but meat is still tricky. Eating out the best solution I've found is the two starters one or just coming to terms to stop when you've had enough. If asked if it was alright when the plates collected, I just say I've a medical problem, it was fine.

[purplekey in reply to CharlieWood]

Thank you for that. Glad to hear from someone with same op. Yes a small plate is all I can eat, so that’s just a starter. The only thing that stick with me are bread with sandwiches so they have to be moist but the bread quite dry and mashed potato, lots of butter or gravy needed. How is your weight? I’m finding it difficult to eat enough to put any weight on. Could do with half a stone. Yes I’m ok eating at home, or in a pub with hubby or at friends barbecue but dinner parties are out forever! Just got to crack restaurants!

[CharlieWood in reply to purplekey]

Ha, I was a reasonable sized chap, at one stage 42" waist, lost about 12kg post up and have stayed in the 77-80 range since. My surgeon told me I'd never put weight on again but the waist has spread from my 34 start to 36, beginning to regret giving away all my 38" clothes😐I tend to snack and, despite diabetes, have plenty of chocolate. As long as you're maintaining your weight you'll be fine.

[kiddy]

Hi ,I find I am more antisocial especially if friends want a evening meal unless it’s before 6 ,I will only go for a drink.

I order light portions or a starter ,occasionally a childrens meal.

If we are out as a couple quite often my husband helps me out eating.

If I ate too much or too late I know I am the one who is going to suffer, so be kind to yourself.

Best Wishes

Debbie

[purplekey in reply to kiddy]

Thank you for the reply. I feel exactly the same as you about sociability in the evening now but will do as you do one drink and a starter. x