Hi there. I have my own experience with depression, anxiety and panic attacks and have done for the past 7 or 8 years. I've been with my partner for just under 2 years and he's an amazing human being, and I want to support him as much as possible with his own mental health, specifically his OCD. I know over the past 2 years I've helped him to relax and not worry too much about things, but there are certain things that he is adamant about. A lot of the time things such as checking the door is locked multiple times is not actually a problem for me, because it's really reassuring in day to day life.
Does anyone have any tips or advice about how to be supportive with OCD habits that can get out of control? We're hoping to move house within the next few months, and this will be our first home together with just the two of us, so I want to be accommodating in terms of picking a flat/house that will suit his OCD triggers, such as his carbon monoxide, fire and lock/security anxieties. These are all perfectly brilliant things to be aware of, of course, but I do worry a bit that he might get worse in terms of his tics when we do move into a place, at least for the first few weeks.
Does anyone have advice for accommodating these kind of anxieties and tics?
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Hannah221b
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To begin with, congratulations on your new home together. It could be a fresh start for him where he manages to ditch some of his current habits, or it could start him off on some new ones. It's difficult to know.
The standard line from CBT therapists is that partners, family members and friends should not do anything to accommodate OCD or assist in rituals, but in practice it is likely to lead to friction and cause a lot of pain. For me, as someone who has had OCD for many years, the best thing is to be patient. Don't actively join in the rituals, but don't prevent him from doing them to his satisfaction.
Our behaviour can be exasperating and annoying, but try not to display impatience. Just let him get on with it, don't make a point of watching or comment. He is likely trying to control it himself as much as he can, just to prevent himself from getting on your nerves. Most of us do that, which means that OCD is such a hidden disease.
Don't feed the OCD by allowing your home to be a fortress. It's good, as you say, to take care of security, but just normal measures should suffice. Overdoing it won't make him feel more secure, it will just make him want more until your house is like the Bank of England's gold reserves.
Best of luck with the move. It sounds like you have a good supportive relationship with each other. I'm sure he is lucky to have you!
Just to add that it might help if all the necessary security is in place before you move in. Then he may be less likely to feel anxious from the start and want to add things to it.
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