I know this is the aftermath of a bad period, because when the intrusive thoughts happen I can hold on to the shear pain that we endure, and not freak, and sit and smile at the person that hands over my coffee, unaware of the pain behind my smile!!! I love and hate being me, it's like getting an electric shock and not responding to it, and the pain soon fades ...... I'm having a crap time. Thoughts are too much that I don't know the difference between me and real me, which is a big contradiction!!! So I guess I can blame that on the OCD.
Tomorrow is a different day......
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Katz101
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Thank you, I think it was a overwhelming day! I do tell my partner if I'm having a bad day, and tend to leave it like that, cos I know if I start telling him, I will start looking for reassurance, and I know I need to do that myself.
Yeah so many people just think it means you wash your hands more than usual or like things tidy AARGH!!!!
What’s really annoying is when people who don’t have OCD joke about it, saying ‘Oh you’ll get my OCD going lol’ just because they like a certain chair in the office or like their desk tidy - like it’s some kind of cool, quirky, trendy thing rather than the debilitating illness it really is. And it’s stuff like this that stops people understanding the agony and pain we go through with it!
I hate that too, because it makes me feel I'm being a fake because they think it's funny, I think I've only once said, no, really I do have it, and if you're still working and it's never stopped you from doing every day to day things you don't have it, you have quirks.
I should also say one of my friends was really rude to me about it to the point of I had to point out the difference, and they still were rude, so I said you don't have OCD your (bad word)!! I would never dream of talking to someone like that, but I hate
it when people think they know me better than I know myself, okay, that's my rant over with.
Lol I really did let it out the bag there, but I'm sure you're the same, years of people calling you this that, too sensitive........ A rant every now and then can be calming 😁🤗
It's an illness that fluctuates, and I know what it's like to be able to do little but lie on the sofa and do the minimum! It's also a hidden illness, and we often put on a brave face.
I like the analogy of not responding to an electric shock. I've often compared it to a faulty house or car alarm that goes off without reason, and it's about learning to ignore it.
It often feels as though someone is playing pinball inside your head. Thoughts bang about inside it. But it does improve.
I like the analogy of the faulty fire alarm. The first time this happens everyone in the apartment building goes into 'panic' mode racing down 15 flights of stairs only to discover it's a false alarm. Now, if and when it happens, we simply stay put while tolerating the loud, intrusive sound of the alarm. It eventually stops and we go on about our business. Emotional detachment from fear, doubt and panic makes the intrusive alarm tolerable (annoying, yes, but otherwise tolerable). My HOCD is a faulty alarm system. It's simply a nerve connectivity glitch. I can ignore it and all remains well. Thanks for the analogy, Sally. Sheila
There is a pretty thin line separating OCD and normal. All of us have our routines, or like to do things in a particular order, or whatever. It's only if they become compulsory and compulsive and make life difficult that it becomes OCD.
Not too bad at the moment! I am planning a cleaning day as the house is a tip. Not all OCD people are neat and tidy!
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I can sympathise. Just come on here as I was triggered literally 10minutes ago. Absolutely desperate to ask for reassurance from husband but trying really hard not to give in. Every so often I start ruminating to try and reassure myself. Yes I’ve just had an electric shock 😕. Gosh I hate it. Hope you’re feeling better today.
I am feeling better today thanks. I used to write the answers to what I needed to read when I had my triggers on cards, maybe I should write them out again. My favourite one was, what would a 100% calm me think.
That’s a good idea. Not so convenient if you’re at work thought I guess! I’m a bit better thx. Anxiety gone down but it leaves me feeling a bit low/depressed afterwards. Already another thought’s come in 😕. I’m trying a different approach and just saying “whatever” “ I don’t care”! Feels a bit like I’m faking it though because I do! Have a good day.
That's what can send me in the loop again, ignoring, feeling that something isn't right, and feeling down, and still remaining detached, boom.
I remember when this lot kicked off again, I was really mocking myself, I've never really done that before, mocking really didn't help, a couple of days ago I screamed whilst I was on my motorbike "your only thoughts in my (bad word) head, you have no meaning" it's usually then that I realise that I'm getting stressed, I hope no one hears me when I'm like that, mind to be honest, they would be like this if they had OCD.
You know, have you noticed how most of us relate to the point that what we write about our OCD could have been written by any one of us, the closeness and the way we say it, is startling, but also very comforting, I really do see you guys as my OCD family.
Ha ha that me made me smile thinking of you on your motorbike screaming! I’ve had episodes of getting angry with it too. I think it’s when our cortisol levels just get so high we just can’t take it anymore. I remember after questioning my husband one night in bed repeatedly, trying to get reassurance and just getting stuck in the loop I suddenly jumped out of bed and starting jumping up and down and screaming and kicked the radiator 😮. I calmed down a little afterwards!!
It’s so comforting ( as you say) to have a group of people around you who just get it. So many times I’ve thought, “ I could have written that!”
I can so relate to everything you’ve written here.
Your analogy about the electric shock is so true, that’s what it feels like when an OCD thought hits my brain and then I just have to carry on as normal, smiling, keep looking after everyone like nothing is happening when really what I want to do is go and cry in the corner/down a bottle of vodka/cut my own head off 😂 etc!!!
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