A weird kind of ocd?

I really really need help on this one :(

I'm really scared of becoming a cannibal. Lately I've been having bad thoughts about it and mabye even urges. Of course I don't want to act on them, but I'm really scared that I actually like the thoughts. Everytime I eat the thoughts emerge, but recently they've been appearing every so often. I don't want to hurt any of my family and would rather die than do these thoughts :'( Please help because I've only seen like 3 people asking the same question. I don't ever wanna act on these thoughts

26 Replies
oldestnewest

When I get really bad obsessive thoughts , I Pray To God, Until they go away.

Can I Ask What You Eat?

Reply

I do the same 😃 I eat the normal stuff we Filipino teens eat like rice and fast food, but lately I've seen an increase in my appetite (may or may not be because of my anxiety). What really bothers me is that I also seem to notice everytime I eat meat and that usually triggers thoughts to appear. I am and have always preferred veggies but I'm really scared that I'll start eating a lot more meat and get trigger into become...you know. I'm really terrified and recently just went through a panic attack :(

Reply

Wow! I'll Definitely pray For You! Can You Control What You Eat, So You Only Get Veggies And Rice, And Healthy Vegetarian Or Vegan Protein Options?

You Know, If You Think About It, It Would Be Very Hard to kill a human to Eat them, they might fight back, or say something that makes you hesitate, it would take a lot of thought and effort, So it's not something you can accidentally oops - do. So As Long You Resist the urges and thoughts, they'll probably go Away a bit more, And You'll Feel More Safe, Just Knowing That You've Made That Decision, Every Time You Need To: I Will Not eat human flesh ...

I Hope It Helps.

Reply

Sorry, I Spelled Some Of The Words In The Last Reply wrong, Edited Them Just Now. Please Feel Free To Message Me If You Want To. I Hope One Of Those Links In The Others' Replies Were Useful. While I don't know much about OCD, I know what intrusive thoughts were like. I battled them as a teenager, On My own, And didn't really try telling anybody about it. They ranged from thoughts about Jesus, to this teenage impersonation of my worst nightmare trying to take over my brain, to imaginings of getting in fights, And losing them, And either getting rescued or falling asleep. I've Found With My God's Help, I Can Usually Keep My Mind Free of those thoughts. What I Do is arrest the thoughts and Hand them Over To Jesus, even when it's a thought about Him that's not According To The Holy Bible. When it all gets overwhelming, I Call On The Name Of Jesus, And Like Someone Pulling A drowning Person Out Of Waters, He Rescues Me. I Find Patience Is The Key, waiting for bad thought barrages and urges and situations sometimes even, to be gone. I Got diagnosed with schizophrenia in My 20's and given medication that didn't work and had all these side effects, I Had To Wait For it To Be Over. I Was taking pills, then one day I stopped. But the drug dependence My Body had developed to My pills, meant I couldn't sleep as easily. Then One day I was fasting from everything, food, even water, And I Got locked up and put on an injection and under this thing called the mental health act, which meant I wasn't allowed to refuse treatment whatever it was. I stopped fighting My doctors, and am hoping this too shall pass. They let Me go back home, but said I still have to go on the injections. All My Medication and Most Of My transport involved is paid for by the mental health system or the government, Not Sure which, but someone else while I'm under the mental health act. My Psychiatrist Is Thinking Of Taking Me Off The Act, And Putting Me Back On Pills Sometime Next Year... I've Been Under The Act Since April 2016. I Was 28. Now I'm Almost 31. But I Still Have a life. I am partially fasting, So I'm a bit tired. I'm going For Walks. I Paint Pictures Sometimes. I Write Songs Sometimes. I Write Poetry Sometimes. I Live With My Dad, And Our Pet Cat. I'm Trying To Help Our Flatmate Get A Better Job. I'm getting money given to Me by the government and sometimes by My Mother Over In USA, Often A Little By My Dad ... Sometimes I Play the piano... I Have A Boyfriend, A Nice One, Who Respects Me, Who I Plan To Marry And Get Dedicated To Lord. So even when things go bad, Still, Good Things Can Still Happen. I Try To Focus On Jesus. I still get the voices every now and then, daily. I Pray To God, And He Makes them Go Away For A While. I can get triggered in many different places, So Before I Go there, If I know I'm Going, I Pray For Protection, Preservation, Covering, And My Maker's Love, And For Endangered Loved Ones, Before I Get in the potentially triggering situations. I also Listen To or even Sing Good Christian Songs, to keep 'bad music' out of My Head. Or To Respond thoughts, Or To Move To, Do My Day To, Keep Me From getting the music in the store stuck in My Head, encourage People, Get Me In The Right Mood. My Main weakness is that I can't ignore things. So I have To Respond. So To Get Rid of bad or annoying thoughts, I Fill Myself With Good. And I Pray Over My Food, The Bible Verses From John Chapter 6 On My Food Most Days, So The Only One's Flesh I'm kind of Eating, Is Jesus's, Which Became Food, And He Gave That For Humanity, The Once And For All. So, When I Eat My Food, I Kind Of Travel Through Time, And Think, He Jesus Gave Himself For Me, And So It's Alright.

I Hope Telling You My Survival Helps.

Reply

HI

Good for you. No sarcasm intended, at all.

I wish you well.

Max

Reply

All kinds of OCD are weird! It's one I haven't come across before, I admit, but yours is no weirder than anyone else's. Of course it is upsetting, though. The solution isn't to avoid meat as this is just avoidance and doesn't tackle the OCD. A therapist might tell you that you should eat meat as often as you can to go against what your thoughts are saying. But that might not be good for your overall health.

Try to act on your appetite and eat what you really want to eat, not avoiding meat when you want to eat it. Try to eat healthy food anyway and not too much junk food!

These are the sort of random thoughts that can occur to anybody, but it is only with OCD sufferers that they take on any meaning. It is important to allow them to just come and go and not attach any meaning to them.

These kinds of thoughts are like annoying people who pester you. Ignore them and they go away. I know how hard it can be but if you can get a prescription for an antidepressant such as sertraline it could help you to stand up to the OCD more. And get some books to help you as well!

Reply

Hey there :) are there any PDFs available on the web? I can't seem to find any in our local bookstores and I'm unable to buy them online. I agree with what you say with the whole avoidance thing, but I'm absolutely terrified of triggering myself. I really wish these thoughts would just go away.

1 like
Reply

I shall check some out for you. There is quite a lot on the internet, though it does mean making sure that it is written by people who know what they're talking about. If any website asks for money, don't pay it as it won't be worth anything.

Reply

Hi

The probability that you will act on these thoughts is practically zero. I have read quite a few articles, following your posting ad they are all about finding the reasons in our psychological make up and many others say it s in our DNA so there is nothing to worry about.

I am not particularly keen in exploring Freud and his ideas and I opt form the easy way out - treat the intrusive thought as such and dont bother analysing where it comes from. Do not elaborate on it and it will subside eventually. One day you will be able to look back and just think about what it could have been, thats it. Let go therefore?

be good

Maxs

Reply

HI

thats definitely a crazy thought. I feel you dont mind my saying so, because you know it too.

LIke other intrusive thoughts, best let it be. The alternative is to analyse with a psychotherapist - find out why you have such a though, or just let it be if you cant get to a therapist rm you cant analyse for yourself.

I would opt, for the easier choice - acceptance. Let it come, let it be and let it go when its ready. Without psychoanalysis, questions or ruminations, it should gradually lose its importance and its strength and dissolve. I think it probably helps eating no meat and see if that works in your favour - at least you wont have any urges when you are eating.

Reply

OK I thought I had lost the first message - got posted I dont know how. Wello you have two now.

;-)

max

Reply

I'd be lying if I said that I haven't ruminated and cried over this for the past 2 days :')

I'm scared that I have a curse on me (note to self: NEVER RESEARCH NO MATTER HOW TEMPTING IT IS) or that I'm turning schizophrenic (not like people with schizophrenia are bad, it's just that everytime I search—ONCE AGAIN STOP—it is usually the main reason for the topic I'm obsessing about.

I really don't know what to do anymore, and I'm afraid that I might go crazy or that these thoughts are my actual thoughts because I've been noticing I barely have a reaction to them. I'm really really terrified and contemplate on telling my parents because a.) it is such a morbid and bizzare thought and b.) WE CAN'T AFFORD A PYSCHOLOGIST transportation and money wise. I'm also really scared to tell people in fear that I might snap. I'd rather get locked up just to make sure I don't harm anyone.

How do you accept uncertainty like this, or atleast let go and ignore the thoughts? Like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm only a 13 year old girl and I'm terrified of what my future will be

Reply

Don't even go there! Many of us have thought we must be mad, or bad, or schizophrenic or something like that. It is really just OCD.

Reply

Tiny update: it's gone from this fear, to obsessing whether I might actually be schizophrenic :( The whole day I kept hearing a tiny voice in my head (that sounded like me) coaxing me to do bad things. I know they're from my head, but I just searched up the symptoms of schizophrenia and I'm terrified because I believe I have most of them. I'm confused as to whether I have schizophrenia or OCD :(

Reply

It's OCD! Reading about almost any medical condition makes you think you have most of the symptoms. I've even heard doctors say it happens to them!

In any case, OCD is called the doubting disease, but it makes you doubt things, even that you've got OCD. Everything points to your having OCD.

Everyone has a voice in their head. It often tells them to do bad things, which they don't want to do. Most people brush it aside, but with OCD we often take it to heart and think it means we are bad people. Don't believe it.

Reply

Yeah, but there are times I find myself spacing out, as well as "dreaming" even if I don't intend to. I feel as if there are two voices in my head that comment on my every single action, but I know it's all in my head. What if I slowly start to believe that they're from me or from someone else? I'm scared that no matter how much convincing and reassuring I'll look for, it'll turn into a delusion and I'll start feeling suspicious and lo and behold, I have schizophrenia :(

Reply

I think most people feel like that now and again. Even if they haven't got any mental illness. I said that everyone has a voice in their head but I should have said we all have more than one voice, and it doesn't mean we're schizophrenic! I still hear my mother's voice in my head, when I do something she would tell me off for, like being untidy or filling a cup too full so I spill it!

The fact remains, in spite of your doubts, that you know any voice is entirely in your head. It's OCD trying to tell you, 'It's not really OCD, it's something far worse'. It's OCD again and it's up to its old tricks of trying to make you believe what it actually a load of old tosh!

Reply

I hope so :) By voices I meant like I can hear myself argue with another (if that makes sense?)

Example is a thought I had just a few mins ago:

Me: *watching some random video*

Voice A: *harm intrusive thought*

Voice B: noooo

Me: shut up ocd (oh no I'm showing signs of schizophrenia help me) *cue mental compulsions*

I knoe that they come from my head, but they usually appear when I speak only one language (mind you, my native language isn't English, hence the Tagalog) and there is a part of me wanting to give up and just accept that these thoughts do come from me. I fear I've become anti social and spend more time in my head than with my family. I want to be more social but these fears and ruminating/voices keep preventing me to do that. Thank you by the way for the constant replying :) I feel embarassed for taking most of your time and what not 😅

Reply

I'm happy to help as I know how horrible OCD can be and if I can help anyone feel better it's a pleasure to help. Just knowing that the voices come from your head is an indication that it is not, and I emphasize not, schizophrenia!

Many OCD sufferers think they have some kind of unpleasant illness. It could be cancer, or HIV or many other things. It's a part of the OCD. They often get tested over and over again, and they still think they have it, that the test must have got it wrong. So I think the OCD is telling you that you have schizophrenia. But the OCD is wrong!

Having OCD can be very isolating. It makes us afraid that we are going to behave embarrassingly, or harm someone, or perhaps we just don't feel up to socializing because the OCD makes us feel so awful.

Perhaps try letting your parents and other family members read about OCD, maybe from one of the PDFs or links. Just knowing that other people know and will make allowances for you makes things easier.

Excellent English, by the way! I couldn't have known it's your second language!

Reply

Hey there :) sorry for not replying, I was busy with some family activities and stuff. I come back—yet again—with another problem. I'm afraid I have ASPD. I feel like I've lost all my emotions and such :( Everytime an intrusive thought pops up, it's as if I want to act on it, but I really don't. But I'm afraid that thr only reason why I don't want to act on them is because I don't want to be put in jail, but in reality I already want to be locked up just in case I truly turn into a sociopath. Since the last time I posted I've been struggling over and over again with what if I've lost my ability to feel and if I'm turning evil :( I want to disappear so I don't harm anyone. Some times I even feel as if I want to smile whenever something bad happens, but I don't want to. Instead of anxiety, my intrusive thoughts just make me confused and distressed as to who I am and if my future is set in becoming a bad person. Right now whilst typing I even feel as if I'm just lying. I don't want to live with ASPD :'(

Reply

Again, I think that you are reading about other conditions and thinking you have all the symptoms! It's easily done. It's easy to read up about almost any illness or condition and be convinced you've got it!

I can't say if you have this or not, but feeling like you've lost all your emotions suggests that you had these emotions once, and can get them back. I don't know that much about Asperger's but somehow I don't think that all people with it are sociopaths anyway!

The symptoms you describe sound completely typical of OCD, being afraid of causing harm, of acting on impulses, of being a bad person. And OCD is a very confusing condition, making you doubt even if you have it.

Sociopaths are not, I think, worried about being sociopaths, so the mere fact that you are worried you might be one means you are unlikely to be one. They harm people and don't worry about it. Feeling empty of emotion is likely, in your case, to be caused by feeling confused and exhausted by the OCD.

I'm convinced that far from being a bad person, you are a caring person who is afraid of causing harm and afraid of being bad. And that is typical of people with OCD! Hope this helps.

Reply

Hi yell

I think you should tell your parents, because thats where you will get support. And you need medication, so you will have to see a doctor.

In the meantime, have a look aty thins link, there is plenty of specialist advice and there is no need to fear that you will act upon you fears - tha probability is almost zero. Nobody ever does.

google.it/search?q=youtube+...

be well

Maxs

Reply

I've told them before, but now I'm really scared to tell them because even I don't know how to explain everything to them. I know that they've given me all the advice and support and love they can, and I love them too, but I don't what to further stress them out :( I don't want their lives to be ruined because of me.

Reply

OK:-)

I have sent you a message, a bit long. But I am not too good in giving advice other than practical, so take you time inn reading it :-)

be well!

Maxs

1 like
Reply

Here are a couple of PDF downloads based on the book I told you about.

readingagency.org.uk/adults...

veale.co.uk/wp-content/uplo...

and a link:

scribd.com/document/2500444...

Remember that it is important not to worry if your particular kind of OCD isn't mentioned. There are many different types of OCD, but they have plenty in common, and none is really weirder than the others. They all involve intrusive thoughts.

1 like
Reply

💛💛💛

1 like
Reply

You may also like...