Fighting this now fighting suicdal thoughts 😭

So upset,hurt, disappointed, disgusted, feeling ungrateful, let down by health professionals. Found out I was pregnant with my beautiful was so excited he was all I ever wanted and more so beautiful can remember that first cuddle like yesterday my precious baby boy who I love with all my heart... I've thought the thoughts I've let the thoughts be there and not acknowledge I've avoided knives I've exposed myself to knives for over a year I have tried all ways to get a little break from these thoughts but enough is enough now I cant do this no more I feel so guilty when he looks to me and teaches out and touches my face with the look of pure love and innocence in his eyes these thoughts are/have destroyed the thing I wanted so much savatarging my bond with my beautiful son... the thoughts are to often to strong to frequent to just get on with my life the only way he is safe is away from me 💔💔💔 god bless anyone who is suffering this, has to be the worst thing to ever happen to a mother in the world I just hope people are getting help strate away not told they need to wait two month before they can have meds assessment... I feel my babys life is on the line and they just don't get it

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Oh Amy I know exactly how you feel as I have told you in my other messages.

Are you not still taking the Effexor? as they can help given time xx

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Hello no I could carry on with effexor made me feel soo soo awful, everything feels so real Ian so frightened feel such a danger to my baby x worried incase I get him taken off me xxxx

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There’s no way they will take your precious baby boy away from you sweetheart as the professionals trust you and know you wouldn’t harm him as they are only thoughts even though they seem so real.

Please please try another medication as sometimes it can take a few trials before you get the right one.

All the best and try and enjoy your special little boy xx ❤️

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Please believe me when I say that your baby son is not in any danger from you. Don't even think that he is better off away from you. He needs you, and you would never harm him.

Health professionals mostly try their best, but they are underfunded. There is not enough money put into the NHS and mental health is particularly hard hit. People like you are suffering, as you need help straightaway, and are not getting it.

It's a pity that the medication hasn't worked for you. It does take quite a while before it starts working, but if it makes you feel worse then better not to take it.

They are not going to take your little boy off you, as you are a good and caring mother. Health professionals and social services know that all the harm is only in your head, and you would do anything to protect him.

Please get in touch with the crisis team as it really does sound that your case is urgent. It is really horrible to feel this way when all you deserve is happiness. x x x

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Im having a hard time with effexor myself, what miligram are you on? Make a switch quick because effexor is basically impossible to stop once you are on it for too long. You are not a bad person, thats why we are here on this site hun. Take care

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Ahhh how long have you been taking it ? 35.5 ml a think just one a night I've stopped them only managed four nights taking them I really tried. I don't know if I would benifet more from an anti phycotic as I've tried 8 anti depressants now. Thanks for your support, I hope your not giving yourself to much of a hard time to at the min x am sure this time of year makes it worse .. don't get me wrong I love Christmas but I just think everyone expects so much and we feel under pressure to be extra perfect etc xxxx

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No one is taking your child btw, cps visited me after a hospital stay and it went more than well because we take care of our children, we are just depressed

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The same as you and I struggle every second of the day, going to get serotonin tested monday, if i make it. I feel like I have less cognitive abilities everyday and just stuck unreal thoughts. God bless you, this is a hard life to live for sure

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Let me know how it goes xx force yourself to go xxx it is a hard life to live my little boy keeps me going xxxx

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If its way too high or way too low everyone is going to know thats for sure. Can i ask though, i had one involuntary thought that would cross my mind when i talk to people, it startled me i had to stop myself from saying it out loud, it became more consistent and i had a panic attack during which i feared id kill my family BUT heres the thing soon as i had that panic attack, my mind felt like a fog or split in it and from there came all the unwanted thoughts like you want, you will, you wish. Im looking for someone who experienced something like this. Its ocd? For sure?? First involuntary thought was in question form as well and just random when i talked to people, i also cannot concentrate, plan, focus barely do anything, like a brain block

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Mine was a dream then I worried about that dream then the thought came what if I did this in real life I felt disgusted when people talk to me am not listening I try to listen but just have the disaster playing out in my mind with a sick feeling in my stomach I feel as if Iam under water at times and people are just mummering to me. Xxx

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I can relate to that. Are you able to work or watch tv or anything

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No I cant watch tv I force myself to read even if I have to re read pages, I nearly walked out of work the other day I work with kids to so that is another trigger for my intrusive thoughts I got an overwhelming wave of guilt and went numb and couldn't focus on anything else but how sick my intrusive thoughts were xx

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Sorry to hear that, have no guilt, dont believe everything you think and you will make it. Atleast you work babe, you're trying. I can not. I can barely lay on my couch

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What happens when your watching tv laying on couch etc if you don't mind me asking xxxx

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I just cant past my intrusive thoughts and what if i said something, its crazy i just cant ever relax, i can still communicate but its a mess in my head, the memory of it all everything like total disorganization of thoughts. I feel closer, and closer to just forgetting where i am or who i am completely

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I have days like this once every few weeks. I lay with my eyes shut and take deep breaths on my out breath I imagine breathing all the bad thoughts out visualize them actually coming out and floating away and on my in breath I breath a golden ray of sunshine in and watch it gradually fill my body .... May sound weird or to difficult but thought a would just share what I do when I littersly can do nothing else xxxx

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Oh bless you, I do feel for you xx

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Me too I can’t read a book for the same reason.

Oh this illness has a lot to answer for eh?

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Yes everything you are experiencing is OCD.

I have been through all these symptoms that you have but they do change over the years.

I find I will lose one then go and gain a new one.

I did find Effexor helped me but I was on 300mg a day at one point xx

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I fight giving up everyday, ive lost hope

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Your doing amazing and I hope u get the help and answers you truly deserve xxxx

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I appreciate that, I'll pray for everyone here

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Thinking of you both xx🙏

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Thankyou hope your well xxxx

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Hi Amy, how are you doing?

Hope you are feeling better than last week xx

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Hi Iam just keeping my head down and trying to stay strong xx hope your well xxx

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