I really need help with my intrusive thoughts and my checking of the doors and rituals that are driving me down.. I've had these symptoms from when I was a child and now I'm 32 and are getting stronger and causing me to have suicidal thoughts, I have an 8 year old child and I look at him I can't bare to think I will be leaving him in a state if I decide to commit suicide.. I know I will crush his entire world as he is autistic and we have such an amazing bond. I have becker muscular dystrophy too and symptoms are starting to show also I know this can have an effect on my brain. My "mother" was horrible to us as children and I have bad dreams with her in it most nights. I just can't take all of this 
Ocd : I really need help with my intrusive... - OCD Support
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Kenyon126
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Do get help for this - a GP should be able to refer you to a CBT therapist who can treat you for OCD. It sounds like you need help urgently. I don't know much about your physical condition but I'm sure that worrying about your son is only increasing the OCD, and the BMD is not necessarily affecting your brain - lots of us have OCD without BMD! I gather that BMD doesn't always affect the brain anyway. Remember that there is good and value in your life - OCD can and does improve with therapy and I'm sure that you get strength from your relationship with your son as he gets strength from you.
Thank you so much for the reply.. I'm getting help now as my GP has to me on citalopram but can'tsee a proper councilor till August, I just want to feel normal again and I'm scared I might commit suicide..
in reply to Kenyon126
Please call the Samaritans or MIND for someone to talk to. Go back to your dr and tell him your state of mind. He can refer you quicker for counselling. Is there a friend or someone you can talk to, who can give you support at this difficult time. Or go to the salvation army for help while your waiting for counselling. They won't preach to you, they will help you and your son. They are there to help and care for the vulnerable without judgement.
From my own experience, you need CBT to deal with the OCD, and psychotherapy for your childhood trauma. Please Don't give up. I have been there. It was only the thoughts of the trauma and stigma my children would suffer that stopped me. I wanted to get better and kill this monster-OCD, childhood traumas dead. So I was honest with my counsellors, friends who were Christians and colleagues.
I received support from my Dr, had years of psychotherapy, one courts of CBT, but the real break through came with counselling the church gave me. I had no faith but clung to hope and went with what was given to me- care, non judgement counselling and healing prayer.
In the beginning of the counselling I was all over the place, fearful; anxious; tension in my body; blabbering; crying. Chaos in my head! Each session ended with a 20 mins of prayer. It was only after about 12 month while receiving prayer I realised I was feeling at peace. That hope became Faith. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a happy clapping Christian. I'm far from it, but what I have learnt is that you must fill your mind with good thoughts and stop going over the past. My small amount of faith, I still have doubts, have given me strength to overcome my fears, challenge and throw out nasty thoughts and quiet my mind. I am on an anti-depressant as well. I am no longer superstitious, and Don't have OCD compulsions or rituals. I do have bad days, but I can deal with them. I can say I have OCD. It doesn't control me. I control it.
I'm not fully cured, but it would be unrealistic to think I wouldn't need more therapy in the future. I just have to recognise my triggers. Should I become agitated or nervous, it shouldn't be tolerated to the point where it becomes a problem. I would go back to counselling. I would turn to my support network.
You need to build that safety net around you, a support network, a safe place of people to be with when you aren't feeling well.
Kenyon126 in reply to
Wow I know I'm not alone with this and I appreciate these reply's. I'm having intrusive thoughts too.. my mind is adding bits to the story that I know is not real but I can't seem to control it. I will go back to my GP and ask for more help. Thank you for sharing your experience as I know I'm not alone and you seem to have controlled it better.
Do keep taking the antidepressants - they can be a great help and when eventually you do get therapy they make it easier to do the exercises. I'm sorry it's such a long wait for therapy. Believe me that you won't always feel as bad as this, so hold fast - remember that OCD can make you afraid that you could commit suicide even if you wouldn't However if you do feel as though you might then you must get help immediately - emergency GP, Samaritans, OCD Action line - 0845 390 6232 - or A&E. Try self-help books to start with - Overcoming OCD is a good one. Remember that you matter, that you won't always feel as bad as this, and you will start feeling better.
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