I've been told I suffer with anxiety and depression for couple of years, but I've never opened up about my somewhat ritualistic behaviours. I avoid certain numbers and do things such as walk a certain number of steps, and if I break the pattern I have to start again, or else something will happen to my family. But I don't have a fear of germs in particular, although I do have to have some things organised a certain way otherwise they will be lost and I will fail my test that day or I'll be late for work and get fired.
I know it sounds crazy, but I need people to reassure me a lot as well, as I think I'm offending them or going to cause harm to them or their self-esteem. I like to trple check things, and feel better for doing things in multiples of three. It's getting a lot more obvious now and severe, and I'm worried people will notice??? I don't know if its anxiety or OCD or what, but I feel crazy!
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Sloth369
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Hello Sloth. From what you describe and from what I know about myself, it does sound as if you are displaying ocd tendencies'...Having to do certain things in order to feel better/ reassured etc is a an ocd compulsion...But even when you do 'the thing you have to do', you don't feel better for long. That is the tricking ocd does, it makes you believe in your mind that once you have done the compulsion -the urge to check/ ritual etc- that you will feel better about it and settled and content in your mind, and maybe you do for just one second, then you will feel the urge to go through the compulsion over and over again! Because that is what ocd makes us do, and the more you give in to the urge the more hold ocd has over you... You may have noticed that you started out by having to do just one ritual, and now there are other things which you are tricked into believing you must do or something bad will happen, or you just don't feel right etc.That is what happens with ocd, when you give into the urges -ocd compulsions- it gives the ocd more power and it gets bigger..
You have to not do the compulsion, no matter how strong the urge is. It will feel awful at first not to do it,and you will be battling with it, but by not giving into the hold ocd has over you it will weaken, and your urge to do it will become less.. Needing reassurance is also part of the ocd cycle. The compulsion, urges, to do 'that thing' and needing reassurance about it. Anxiety is all part of it too.. It becomes a constant cycle..but you can stop it!...
You have taken the first step towards getting help with this, so really well done🙂.. Continue to get help now..There are excellent ocd organisations on the website and Anxiety UK. Have a look on YouTube for Katie d'Ath..and there is an excellent book called Brain Lock. You can also see your GP and chat to them about it.
I know just how this feels. It may sound crazy, but it doesn't mean you are crazy. Do make sure that you tell your therapist, if you have one, about it - they certainly won't think you crazy and can get you started on treatment. Try if you can to chip away at the less intrusive rituals. Meanwhile, open up to your therapist or GP and try to get referred for some CBT treatment. I have had a lot of help from self-help books including Overcoming OCD.
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