I am fed up at the moment with myself, I fed up with the pain ... Im exhausted for no reason .. I just want to sleep and do nothing. ... I love my work but I keep forcing myself to work full time so I can pay rent and bills ... I feel like my husband is VERY fed up with me too .. I am always moaning Im in pain ... I feel useless ... I am feeling very depressed .. I feel sorry for my husband he is so active and like doing things spontaneous but we cant do it ... I've been on methrotrexate for 3 years now, on prednisolone and lots tramadol and naproxen ... I feel like I am not getting the help from my Doctor and I've been asking for a rheumy nurse and still waiting... I cry for no reason at night.... I feel so tired I collapse like once or twice at work... My husband is struggling too as he doesn't have any support to help with me .... I am angry of having RA, I mean there are so many people who wants to be on benefits, wants to have a disease to earn free money .... me and my husband, we are planning to have a baby next year .. I keep thinking how I will cope being mum ... I am worried I wont be able to look after my baby as I can't even do housework at the moment .... I feel like screaming ..... I'm in so much in pain it's hard to hold the fork to eat, flush the toilet or open the tap....
People notice easily when I am in pain. I keep trying to put on a brave face but as soon as people ask me how I am, I keep bursting into tears... I've been on citalopram for depression for 1 month ...... I hate myself right now ... I feel like RA is controlling me and I cant cope with it. I can't go shopping now I do my shopping online and I hate it... Going for a walk is a struggle, I am always out of breath ... Feel like a prisoner with this RA....
I get really annoyed when I hear more stories of people being left on the same medications for ages when they are clearly not working properly for them. I think you probably need to get your GP to write to the rheumatologist and say that you aren't doing well at all and need your medication reviewed. if your GP won't do that, then just phone up the rheumatology clinic secretary and ask what you have to do to get another appointment because you are going downhill fast. There are lots of other medications that you could be tried on, so don't give up thinking thats all you can get. It shouldn't have to be as bad as it is.
Then when you do get an appointment, try and get your husband to come along to the appointment with you. In my experience having someone else there who can explain how bad things are often gets really good results.
Sharon,First and foremost you are not useless. You have a very serious disease and until you speak to your dr and rheumy about how you feel they will not be able to help you. You are depressed and stressed and you have only been on antidepressants for a month,you must give them time to work. They can take upto three months to start to feel the effect of them so be patient. I know how hard it is to have ra and i wonder if you have fibromyalgia as well,so please see your dr asap. See another dr in your practise and ask for help.Get a double appointment and take your husband with you,i think he fels helpless as he can't help get rid of the pain. When i have been so bad that i have cried for england my hubby has said i wish i could take it away if i could. He justs holds me and cuddles me and when i'm cried out i feel a bit better.
Sharon if you want to message me fel free. I am in devon at the moment,but i have my laptop with me so i will be online during my time down here so be patient if i don't answer you straight away i will before the day is out one way or another.
Yes it is a bloody painful disease and yes i have said i wish i was dead at times so don't you feel you are alone,your not.
I am sending you healing hugs and my love. sylvi.xx
I agree with the others, it's really bad to be left with just MTX and steroids when this is obviously not working for you. As well as the advice above, if neither of those work to get you an appointment with your rheumy soon, then see if you hospital has a PALS (patient liaison) and talk to them about pushing for better treatment. Hassling people is probably the last thing you want to do when you're feeling so rotten, and just want to sleep, but really try to be assertive about getting more medical help as it could really make the difference for you. And also talk to your docs about wanting to conceive, as they need to plan for that in your medical treatment. Good luck, and lots of sympathy. Pollyx
Hi Sharon, my heart goes out to you after reading how you are suffering. As the others have said it sounds like your treatment should be revised urgently as you should not be feeling like this. I think you should also phone the NRAS helpline for some much needed support and guidance, their number is 0800 298 7650. I hope you get the help you need soon but please don't feel you are on your own. I and many others on here have been where you are now but it will get better with the right treatment. Paula x
It sounds like you need all your meds reviewing maybe methotrexate isnt enough for you?. The citalopram may take a bit longer to work and the dose may need to be altered.I have been through a range of emotions like you, I have had quite a long spell of reasonable health now but am coming to the end of a week off work I was signed off with exhaustion!.
I think you shouldnt push yourself so hard,I had to reduce my hours because of my illness which has helped, but I have been under so much pressure at work I finally buckled, the GP said if I didnt get some rest I was in danger of a bad flare occurring
thank a lot to you all .... It's really helpfull to read your message ....
I just hope that I will have the strenght to continue being myself and a wife.
Don't be afraid to ask for counselling, I did when the Methotrexate made me really anxious about work. I had to wait a while to start sessions but it has been worth it.
I was talking to my Rheumatologist on my last visit, saying my biggest psychological problem was coping with the fact I was going to be ill for the rest of my life and he was lovely about it, saying I shouldn't think that way, it just takes time to find the right treatment and we should be working towards trying to find the best way for me to have as good a life as possible, I have to keep reminding myself what he said as I feel so ill, tired and in so much pain at the moment.
You need to be a squeaky wheel, and tell people how you feel, maybe I'm lucky I don't mind admitting I have mental health problems and need counselling, first sign of misery and I'm right there at the GPs getting a counselling referral arranged. One thing which I know helped was allowing my counselling sessions to be put in open view on my medical notes (you can have them hidden from your doctor), my Rheumatologist read them and brought them up at my next consultation.
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Fed up !
So tired and utterly fed up
Fed up!
Fed up
