I am in desperate need of some kind words of support from you guys....you are the only ones who know how
Ok so on 19th April i had my right ankle fused as part of a year plan to get both fused and to get walking better. I was doing well...i felt still a little pain in the ankle but was seriously impressed at my progression. I went for my pre-op appointment for the left ankle on friday and this is where it ALL went wrong!
I had x-rays, saw my surgeon and he told me that a screw had worked its way loose in the right ankle and that was why i was still getting some discomfort in it, he said that we would have to operate to put it back in on 9th aug and wait a little while longer to fuse the right ankle.
Disapointed but in agreement totally i went home. A few hours later i began to get very very bad pain in my ankle.. (pshyco sematic i asked myself?), but i was sure something was wrong, something bad, i told my family but quite rightly they felt sure it was nothing major as i had just had x-rays done and all that was wrong was the loose screw!? In monday morning i thought that i was sure dispite re-assurance that there was something new wrong so i took myself to my GP. He too was unhappy so sent me to have another x-ray.
Turns out my ankle that was operated on 3 months ago, with a loose screw, now has 4 fractures in!!!!!!!!
I'm now in full cast and they're operating on me on 9th aug.
For the 1st time in my life of arthritis i feel defeated, deflated and i really dont know where to turn to find the one thing that has always kept me going, which is hope.
I know the single most un-useful enotion to have is self pity, but thats what i am feeling, and i really dont know how to get out of it.
Ella xx
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Ella32
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How on earth did that happen? After 3 months of hard work to get ready for the other ankle to be done it must be a terrible disappointment.
Don't give up though Ella. You have seen that improvement is possible and it is desperately unfortunate that the screw worked loose. Hmm, I'm not sure what to say about that!
This will put you back as you have to start your 3 month rehab again but you have had an inkling of how much easier walking can become (provided they do it right this time) so hold onto that thought.
Lots and lots of sympathy coming your way.
Judy
xx
p.s I shall follow your progress with interest as I am due to have my ankle done soon.
Don't worry about the self-pity! It sounds as if you are usually very positive & surely it's just human to feel unhappy and sorry for ourselves at times? You had a plan that wasn't exactly an easy road and for that to go wrong must be such a blow. But hopefully, in time, you will see what is happening now as a setback and not a disaster.
Have you talked the operation through with the surgeon as much as you need to? 'Cos if you haven't maybe you should let them know how you are feeling & perhaps they can give you reassurance on the technical side of things. I know that Orthopaedic surgeons can do wonderful things and that's about all I do know!
I'll leave off now as I suspect others are busily replying to you too ....
Oh Ella my love you are having it hard aren't you. The good thing you listened to your body and sensed something was wrong and you went to the drs to find out why. What you found out was horrifying for you and it has knocked your self esteem backwards.
Now your in a plaster so it should start to feel less painful until your next op in august. I may be presuming too much here and if i do i will apologise. Give gine-k a message as she went through this last year. She has the best insight into how you feel and cope. All i can say is girl you have suffered with ra for quite a while that should tell you how brave and strong you are.
Hi Ella, first of all well done for trusting your own instincts and getting a check up.I have never had this type of surgery but can understand why you are feeling so down about it ,but take heart from the fact that you are strong minded enough to get checked out.I dread to think of the damage that may have occured if you hadn't, use this inner strengh to get you through this.Easier said than done i know, but feel sure you will ,you have made a good start.
I can't give you any practical advice on this but others on here have had this sort of surgery and hopefully someone will pop up with some advice.
If that isn't enough of a tale to allow you to feel sorry for yourself then I don't know what is! That's so sad, when you thought you were doing so well, and what a dreadful coincidence. Hope your family and friends will rally round and give you extra special care for next 2 weeks until your op. Like Christina I think it could help to talk more to surgeon, if only to understand what went wrong. How you managed 4 fractures overnight is quite remarkable. Ah well, I hope you're interested in the Olympics as you may have to spend more time on a sofa for next couple of weeks. A big dose of sympathy to you, and it's the last time I'll joke about someone having a screw loose. Pollyx
YEOWCH! That does sound horrid. You've already lived through the horror of that though haven't you, now its time for healing and action. You're on the up from what I've read, I hope you're being looking after :), take care I hope you're better soon!xoxox
Having pity on your self is fine....feeling sad about what is happening to you is natural. Think of yourself as your best friend, your nearest and dearest....and stop giving yourself a hard time. What you need is understanding, caring, love, emotional cuddles, comfort and support through the hard times. Give it to yourself as you would give it to those you love. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of love. Go with the flow and look forward to when all this passes and you feel better again.xxxxx
Awe Ella what a horrid thing to happen. You are allowed to feel self pity - sometimes a pity party is completely justified and ok.
Not long now 'til the 9th (not much consolation I know), but hopefully once they get this sorted for you you will feel more like your usual self - the strong, determined person you are. Hard going sweet but you will get there.
Gentle virtual hugs on there way to you right now.
Thank you to you all, you beautiful kind people. I really needed your support. health still the same but the fact that i recieved a cheque through the door for £1000 from PPI rebate shows me that there is and will be light at the end of the tunnel
Give yourself a treat if possible you deserve one !!
Beth xx
Hi Ella - sorry to come in on the back of this but I was preoccupied and out a lot yesterday and today so have only just read this blog. Poor you - this is pretty dire and as everyone here agrees you have a perfect right to feel down. So pleased about the PPI rebate though that's a good chunk of cheer thrown in the mix at least! Take care, Tilda xx
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