'To see you or not to see you': I've been pondering... - NRAS

NRAS

29,387 members35,055 posts

'To see you or not to see you'

Jaxine
Jaxine

I've been pondering alot about anonymity and using pseudonyms recently. I've realised that only a very small percentage of us show our true identity in our profile picture with the majority choosing an emoji . I totally understand the need for choosing to be anonymous such as keeping your identity private, levels of social safety, freedom of expression without fear of repercussions. We all discuss pertinent and sensitive issues with eachother that we do not want the outside world to know about. When I joined the group I didnt give it a thought not to show ' the real me' maybe I've been naive!I must admit however, to finding it weird at times corresponding and responding to an emoji as it doesnt feel real! Anyone else feel like this? Don t get me wrong the exchange is no less effective in the pertinent issues discussed just because there is not a real face, it s just a shame that I can t see your lovely faces!

106 Replies
oldestnewest

I don’t want people to know I’m Boris Johnson

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Rashford20

😂😂😂😂 understandable!

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Rashford20

Don’t blame you...half the population think he’s barking!

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

I like old Boris!

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Jaxine

See if you can say that this time next year if we are still playing dodge the virus?

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

I don t want to get into a feiry debate about politics but I agree Boris has certainly not been brilliant in his advice over the Pandemic, but I wonder who would have been. Other countries have not done a great job either although Sweden seem to be doing a good job. But we are living in unprecedented times.

helixhelix
helixhelix in reply to Jaxine

That is one of the reasons a lot of people use pseudonyms and no photos as it makes it much easier to ignore politics, religion and other sensitive subjects where we have wildly different views. This way we can share without getting hot and bothered about, eg, politics. If anyone has an illness or question that’s appropriate to this forum then I don’t care that they are at the other end of the political or religious spectrum....

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to helixhelix

I agree when it comes to politics I d rather kindly refrain from debating as it can become to contentious however, sharing a photo would not fuel a political debate surely!

lovemydoggy
lovemydoggy in reply to Jaxine

Boris can be criticized for sure, but I'm in the US and we've got Trump. In comparison Boris is wonderful. I admit Trump sets the bar low... very, very low. 😭

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to lovemydoggy

I shouldn't but I will! I have to agree with you there Trump needs to be marched out of The White House prompto! Fingers crossed he will be very, very soon.

lovemydoggy
lovemydoggy in reply to Jaxine

God willing.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to lovemydoggy

Or somebody else willing it along! 😂😂😂😂

But they both have that beautiful blonde hair😂😂😂😂

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

It s bleached! Nothing against bleached sun kissed hair by the way 😂😂😂😂

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Jaxine

I think you will find Boris is a natural blonde...it runs in his family!

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

I think you might find that Boris being 55 is definitely not a natural blonde. He comes from Turkish decent which I believe suggests darker hair! Fact is Borris has admitted to bleaching his hair so there you go!

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Jaxine

Look up his father & his brothers....up close he has blonde eye lashes too.

From what one sees of him ....he hardly seems to own a comb....let alone faff about with Peroxide.

But Mr Trump has been every hue under the sun...& no doubt will continue to tint whatever colour he fancies !

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

Well I know facts about Boris admitting to bleaching his hair, eyelashes too most probably! But Trump well don t let me go down there! Obviously bleached and a comb over toboot!

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Jaxine

That man would admit to anything if he thought it would get attention....but tbh who cares....I just want the comedy act we call a government to forget how wonderful they think they are, get their act together with Wales & Scotland & ...pack up all their egos & sort out the right thing to control Covid, & let everybody have some semblance of normality back in their lives.

The longer they chop & change the more those who are not taking the situation seriously will cause havoc...so if this gets on Google...come on BJ....sort it.....that it what you are paid for!

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

Good to think about whether a person bleachers their hair or not as opposed to RA! 😂😂😂😂😡

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to AgedCrone

yes, and Trump's looks even.more fake than mine! At least my dye goes right to the roots ......... (and it's a better shade .... honest)😆

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

😂😂😂😂 me too as I have alot of grey so blends well. X

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

unfortunately, I think I know what you mean although I'm still partly in denial!😊

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

Of course so am I! Comes with ageing i still feel like a 19 year old just don t look like one!

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

I do know what you mean. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder who this ahem, middle-aged lady is, and why is she staring at me!!☺ I would like her to go away!😁😁

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

No believe in your beauty within and tell her to stop looking with distain at you! That s what I say to my reflection.

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

does she answer back yet?

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

She can t be bothered! 😂😂😂😂

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

haha - yes, I got bored with myself a long time ago too! 😆😆

Green230461
Green230461 in reply to Kags1068

Have you ever walked past a shop window and seen your reflection and thought who the hell is that? I have !

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Green230461

Oh god yes, and I'm always horrified when I realise it's me - yikes!!

Pippy25
Pippy25 in reply to Kags1068

With regards to his tan and hair colour it's just 'fake hues'.....sorry couldn't resist :-)

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Pippy25

😂😂😂😂

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Pippy25

Haha - nice one Pippy!😁😁

Well, Trump does turn orange on occasion. 😂😏

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to lovemydoggy

And pink! 😂😂😂

Bacharia
Bacharia in reply to lovemydoggy

You have my sympathy!

AgedCrone
AgedCrone in reply to Jaxine

Yes Unprecedented times.....but go back to Einstein’s definition of insanity!

Same old,same old ....over & over!

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to AgedCrone

Love, love Einstein! Did you watch the series of the life of Einstein played by Jeffrey Rush funtastic viewing.

Mmrr
Mmrr in reply to Rashford20

The best laugh I've had all day 🤣

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Mmrr

Yes made me lol!

J1707
J1707 in reply to Rashford20

😂😂

LinaM
LinaM in reply to Rashford20

😂🤣

Sops
Sops in reply to Rashford20

Love this reply!

Jaxine I sometimes have a photo of me and sometimes of the cats or a flower I try to show the real me ,when I post on me as in the Ra trip I feel it is important to be me too. x

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Deeb2908

Hi Deeb,

You have a lovely face! when I see a real face it makes the connection stronger, it feels more personal and I feel a sence of camaraderie.

I know a mugshot may be important to some. I find more useful the information some give in their profile. In fact I’m reluctant to respond if there’s nothing there or if scant information is given in a post when advice or support has been requested. These can give me a much better idea of someone and their needs or concerns than a mere photo. Then I feel I will have a much better understanding so can try to make a more helpful reply.

Of course agreed as I said, exchange is no less pertinent without a photo I just feel for me personally it can make it more personal.

I only put up a photo after a heated debate about this a while back. I prefer not to, as just don’t like having photos as I feel people are too quick to judge from photos.

I find the profile info much more useful, plus what you learn about people along the way. For example I feel I know Mmrr a bit and can picture her in her new house north of the border without having a name or photo!

Mmrr
Mmrr in reply to helixhelix

Oh thank you, I also feel I know you too HH, the interaction is more important for me too.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Mmrr

The interaction is of course more important the substance of our conversation is crucial, I m not deflecting on that in any way just purely remarking that it s lovely to put a face to someone.

Mmrr
Mmrr in reply to Jaxine

No criticism intended Jaxine.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Mmrr

Gosh none taken! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the majority seems to feel the same way as you do x

Mmrr
Mmrr in reply to Jaxine

😊

Really! well I like the fact I can see you in your sun glasses smiling and looking cool! I get more of a sence what you're about. You look like you have a positive outlook on life. So whilst I've judged you in a sence it's a positive judgement as I would with everyone. Profile information is also positive as is getting to know people based on what they write, it s just putting a face to someone takes on a different dimension and always good. But i do respect peoples privacy.

I don’t have a photo of me because I don’t want to be able to be identified when someone doesn’t lock their post. I can’t see on my phone if a post is locked or not so that’s my reason. As others have said I prefer for people to have more info on their profile to get to know them RA wise, that’s more useful to me but I can understand some people feeling they would like to know what someone looks like too.

Yes of course and I totally respect your anonymity. I also love to get to know people from their profile Information and the exchanges of communication I guess I'm just a big ' nosey parker's its intrigue too. Ftf communication has been vital in my profession as a social worker and trainee psychotherapist. I think the majority will feel the same as you.

KittyJ
KittyJ in reply to Jaxine

Aside from the fact I’d scare everyone 😂

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to KittyJ

😂😂😂😂 no way!

Its the same for Twitter, Facebook etc etc and a while ago this came up , so its ok if you want to put up your photo but its also ok that I won't. With ID theft etc its probably not a good idea to put up information about yourself that you wouldn't want to be seen by your next door neighbour. So I'm 30 years old, 5'10' tall, long brown hair and live in a caravan on the side of the M25 !! I'm married to Prince William make and sell clothes pegs and long to live in a Council house in Milton Keynes (anyone who watched Netflix will know the joke).

Mmrr
Mmrr in reply to medway-lady

Lol

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to medway-lady

If I'm honest I think I would emit that kind of personal information on my profile page, not that there is anything wrong with living in a caravan on the M25 and selling clothes pegs to passersby but I think I'd have a problem with the noise levels amongst other things 😂😂😂

medway-lady
medway-lady in reply to Jaxine

No the caravan has good sound insulation and the balcony is overlooking the roadworks. lol Its a very funny series on Netflix William doesn't want to be king and its not cruel either just a bit of mickey taking. I can't remember the title at the mo.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to medway-lady

😂😂😂😂😂

I thought the the whole point of using pseudonyms on this sites was that we are here to discuss our RA & possibly other health conditions without Inhibitions , & so that people who may know us or members of our family who may read what we say, cannot identify us & be caused distress by what we write, or stress in the relationship.

At one point a while back it was suggested that members should meet up, & photos be displayed. This was mostly not well received & did cause a few interesting posts...plus some very interesting photos ...rapidly removed when it was realised unlocked HU, posts can bee seen on Google!

Personally I would not discuss my health condition if my name was displayed .....in fact I would never have joined in the first place....but I enjoy the banter & admire the way we all manage to retain our sense of humour when we disagree & how we support those going through tough times. I wonder if that would happen if we Googled that real name & didn’t like what we read?

Gnarli
Gnarli in reply to AgedCrone

I wish I could 'like' your comment more than once. Excellent point well made

It really is a personal choice and one to be respected. I have nothing to hide in terms of my face being revealed and could not give a fidley buttercup what judgement I may or may not receive if recognised. I enjoy debating and generally conversing with everyone in a safe environment. Its liberating to Express views, opinions and to share feelings of anxietiey and at times vulnerability living with RA. Offering and receiving guidance, and having a real sence that I'm being listened to and all of which are very pertinent to me. I just feel putting a face to someone s post feels more personal but as I said I respect everyone's decision not to.

Rashford20
Rashford20 in reply to Jaxine

I’ve finally plucked up the courage to include my face in my avatar thanks to your post.

Boris

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Rashford20

Good for you Boris! Maybe It's time for me to reveal my true identity too!

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Rashford20

Busy day for you today Boris - PMQ's and a news briefing! You better have another holiday now ...........!!😅😁🤣

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

Lovely he took time out to answer my post though😂😂

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

Haha - yes, bet he's having a lie down now!😄😄

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

All those joint pains!

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

😆😆

I think I'm still in denial about having arthritis so will keep to Marion from Happy Days for a bit 😁

You can get a judge of what people are like though can't you from their replies.

Yes of course I agree, just like a smiling face! I'm in a tiny minority on this one though!

I'd post my real pic here, but idk how to upload in a reply.

KittyJ
KittyJ in reply to lovemydoggy

You can’t do that in a reply lovemydoggy but you can change your profile picture 😊

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to lovemydoggy

Yes just go onto your profile page it says ' edit profile' press on that and you can then download a picture. But hey no pressure from just because of my post!

lovemydoggy
lovemydoggy in reply to Jaxine

Oh I don't care about one picture. I'm not even sure I care about my profile picture. Like you I like to see faces.

I must be daft. I didn't see it. I remember I did upload a picture once, but it was in a post question I had about my foot.

Well, all I can say is that I'm doing a great and noble service to everyone by putting up a picture of my cats instead as they are far prettier to look at than I am!! 😉😁😁

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

Yep good for you!

And your cats are beautiful x

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

Aah, thanks. I probably won't tell them you said that else I'll never hear the end of it ....... one of them rarely shuts up as it is! 🤫☺

Oh no, please not again! We had this conversation a couple of years ago when a member wanted us to post pics of ourselves. No, no, no. As has been said I think you get more info from their profile than a pic, we've to be so careful nowadays, & we all know once the weekend comes what crawls out of the woodwork. If a post isn't locked to community anyone has access to our image. I know anyone can join & then delete their account but what have they had access to in between? Not my image for sure.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to nomoreheels

I was not aware of this and I make no judgements from previous posts. I was just curious but with no Intention of you guys changing your profile pictures. As I said great communicating with you guys just like to see your smiling faces. You do get information from our profiles but i just like to put a face to you. Total respect you are saying ' no no no no' I personally don't give a fiddley leaf if you see me. This is 'me ' warts and all sometimes suffering and sometimes not! X

nomoreheels
nomoreheels in reply to Jaxine

Oh don't worry Jax, I wasn’t meaning others can't or shouldn't, not for me to say. It's just I don't believe that computer security software are infallible so anything that can can make you identifiable should be kept to a minimum & what's more identifiable that your image?!

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to nomoreheels

To be honest I think it depends on what you post and how personal your Information is. I only post pertinent information about my journey with RA . All my friends and family know about my condition so I have nothing to hide. If my consultant or nurse was to see my posts - where at times I may speak derogatively - then that might help them to think about what I'm experiencing emotionally !! I have no interest in what anybody else feels about me or what they might judge. But as I said it s a personal choice and so therefore needs to be respected

nomoreheels
nomoreheels in reply to Jaxine

Of course, as I said. Sometimes though a post can evolve & move away from the initial topic where you could reveal other than the condition itself which you may not wish to be in the public realm. Then your pic is there for everyone to see, that's what I'm meaning & where I think we need to be careful, particularly on those posts which aren't locked. I also think we've just to be mindful that there are those out there who can manipulate the software security, one reason on joining it's suggested that to keep anonymity we choose a non-identifiable username. Also HU remind us not to share your real full name, not to share your contact details & not to share any other piece of information that could identify you. Also if you wish to remain anonymous it is highly recommended that you do not choose your avatar to be an image of yourself. I do. Maybe I’m more cautious because both my h & I are on Facebook, including images of my h though not myself, yet neither of us know how, we didn’t join up to Facebook, see what I mean? Agreed, it is personal choice & do respect that.

KittyJ
KittyJ in reply to Jaxine

Someone recently posted info that could pinpoint their address in an unlocked post and some people do tell people their real name but I suppose that’s their choice. Each to their own 😊

I think my post has become rather contentious about putting a face to your profile. I totally respect you all for your anonymity. However, for me I don t care who reads my posts and may recognise me in the streets. This is my life living with RA, if you judge me for that then I don t need you in my life! Peace and respect guys. Xxx

helixhelix
helixhelix in reply to Jaxine

This isn’t contentious.....just a lively discussion. It only gets contentious when we talk about Clint Paddison 🤭. You do what feels best to you.

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to helixhelix

Eek - careful HH, you've just mentioned the dreaded name. I'm off to cross myself and sprinkle some special Paddison repelling water just to be on the safe side .......!😱🤞

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

I've just thrown some salt over my shoulder! 😂😂

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

yes, but was it the correct shoulder? I'm never sure so do both just to be covered! 😳

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Kags1068

Yep both of them and to be extra cautious I threw it over my hubby s shoulder too and my two dogs! And not the cooking salt either Maldon!

Kags1068
Kags1068 in reply to Jaxine

Phew! You should be OK then 🤞🤞

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to helixhelix

So you don t rate his guide by guide on reducing inflammation and pain then? 😂😂

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to helixhelix

Yes Contentios was the wrong word!

I really hate photos of myself, I actually don’t have that many. Looking back, I do feel a bit sad and vowed to take more.

Bacharia
Bacharia in reply to crashdoll

I try to avoid being photographed. I rarely like the result.

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Bacharia

I'm not photogenic either!

I'm not that photogenic either! Xx

My face is wrinkly,lupus has played havoc with my hair.

That’s why I don’t post my photo,

Jaxine
Jaxine in reply to Oshgosh

Ah bless you x

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