I have been reading articles on fear and life at the moment based on friends and their thoughts and here too about how we move on. Some of the article below so thought I would share it.
Three ways to fight fear (The Guardian article)
1. Now is all Trubridge says that in his sport – as in life – it’s easy to get caught up in “what if?” thinking, where your mind can take you into unwanted drama. You are not your thoughts, and a lot of your fear-filled thoughts are simply rubbish you habitually recycle. It is impossible to do that if you are only in the present moment. Trubridge gets there by repeating a mantra. “The idea is, you have these words with powerful connotations so they can very quickly get you into the necessary state,” he says. One he often uses: “Now is all.”
2. Judge a bit less Many of us get defensive when we are stressed and fearful. Not only is there a rupture that threatens our stability, we are conditioned through life to never lose control, and invest heavily in having things our way. When they aren’t, one of the ways that people use to regain a sense of control and power is to take a position and stick with it. To maintain our position as “right” we judge and shame other people as wrong. Sometimes when we judge, it is fear taking control.
3. Conserve your energy We waste emotional energy regularly on fear, shame, negativity and doubt. This is especially likely when we are in the grip of changes that we didn’t want. Remember, the thoughts you give preference to when fear and anxiety comes up will play a big role in dictating your emotional experiences. Don’t add perfectionism to your Covid-19 to-do list.
I love this stuff around thought processes. It takes a lot of work on yourself to realise thoughts are just that. Thoughts. They don’t define actions. I used to get annoyed when I heard that you can only take offence, but can’t cause it. That’s one I still struggle with still 😂
I find the offence one very interesting and contemporary too. I'm not someone who gets offended, but do find myself getting irritated when my space is encroached upon whilst out walking during the easing of lockdown. I need to remind myself that it is me, not the other person who has stricter rules, they are not aware of my situation. Therefore it is me who needs to move, take a wider berth, not the other person.
Being 'offended' has somehow found it's way into every day language / situations and often has no real meaning, other than the 'offended' person doesn't like or prefers not to do ....whatever it is...it's their choice in other words.
But, the person potentially causing the offence, still has the right to say / do ...whatever... Often people don't mean to be 'offensive' , behaviour is contextualised.
The most bizzare one I was involved with was: Years ago, after a particularly long hard climb whilst out walking, one member of my group said ' oh my tubes are screaming ' as we all puffed and panted. Another member shouted that she was offensive and stomped off very upset. It later transpired that she had a problem with her fallopian tubes and couldn't conceive.
You can take offence, but can't give it rings true 😉
Yes. I really don't understand all this being offended malarkey. I really don't. And some of the things people are offended about are ridiculous.
We sent out some foam hearts for a marketing campaign around valentines day. We sent them to osteopaths. We received a very angry and upset email about how much we had upset one of their staff as she had lost her husband. How we were supposed to know I have no idea. It was very clear it was a marketing gimmick. And how did she survive seeing all the hearts in shops etc...around valentines. Bizarre.
I'm still working on not taking offence bit when someone is very offensive to me. It's a work in progress!
Thanks for sharing. Very interesting and thought provoking. I sort of came to this conclusion but have to keep reminding myself that people aren't going out every day with the intention of causing offence by wearing their mask around their neck instead of their face. And that those who don't wear one at all may have a breathining issue. I've just realised I'm being flippant and a bit sarcastic which is a bad habit of mine. Being serious now, I got fedup of hiding from the world just in case the virus got me so I made the decision to do what I can to protect myself, like wearing a mask in the shops and busy areas and carry hand gel. I don't want to waste any more time so I've gone out with my accoutrements and feel better for doing it.
I am the same and reading this helped me say now is all and do what is right for me. Handbag got larger but hey it makes me feel safer and everything to hand x
Well I've given up ironing so not a perfectionist ! One thing springs to mind, one persons safety net of perfectionism is another's waste of time. After my AKI, I had counselling because I very nearly died at 8% in the ICU they sort of expect that, as the shock was truly awful and its probably why I see RA as no big deal although I've had the RA for many years its relatively trivial just a few medications but AKD is heading towards dialysis or transplant if I'm lucky. I think we can only see life from looking out but a lot just look in and wonder why they feel ill (no matter what the reason) but its all they are thinking about. It's why I believe it might be some are at risk of more problems as fear is immobilising, not going out becomes a habit, then not going out becomes a fear of the outdoors.
I'm not sure if I believe all of this type of attitude but some parts do ring true and at the end of the day we can only take one day at a time, enjoy it and if not look for a better day tomorrow.
I'll follow your example my son used to wear 2 sometimes 3 shirts or t-shirts a day when at home. Off to uni he found if you put jeans under the mattress you could iron them. Never ironed a t-shirt afterwards lol and thats interesting about linen as its bu--er to iron.
I think many many people do what if which then stops them realizing their potential. I have always been a risk taking person with family and friends saying to me what if. Sometimes the IF kicks back at me others it has been laid low. (Makes sense in my head).
I try really hard not to do that now. Quite often the ‘what ifs’ never happen. After a pretty traumatic year or so which I’ve had very little control over, I’ve learnt to live in the moment. Not easy for someone who likes to plan but less upsetting when the plans go up in the air.
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